The Emily Stanton Confessions
by Priss88
Summary: All Emily Stanton wants is to make it through her last year at Hogwarts with her sanity intact but that just doesn’t seem to be in the cards. SiriusOC Marauder’s Era (obviously)
1. Summer Daze

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Warner Brothers or any of the sundry things I might mention

To who ever finds this diary (a post script and forward of sorts inscribed in the inner cover):

Hello! My name is Emily Stanton and I am the author of this diary. If you are a future historian I hope this is the one manuscript from this era that survived the volcanic eruption or what not. While lacking in substance at times I'm sure you will find it very useful in learning about what things were like in the late 20th century and all that rot.

If I knew you, I hope I liked you. Even if I'm dead I don't wouldn't like to think someone I didn't like was riffling through my things. If I didn't know you I guess you should read it, it's pretty interesting really.

So beloved reader I hope you enjoy my diary and can forgive me when I rant on incessantly.

August

22, August, 3:05, in my room,

My mother gave me this diary as a birthday present, telling me that I should record my thoughts because it might help me sort out some of the difficult issues I am facing. Well if she thinks I'm writing in this thing every day she's dumber then I thought. I mean I'm seventeen years old now, I'm bursting with woman hood and far to busy to keep a diary.

I should be out partying until the wee hours, having passionate romances with muscular Italian men and not keeping a damn diary right? Besides, I read Harriet the Spy; if you keep a diary people can read it! And tell all your friends what you REALLY think of them.

But that's not how mum sees it so this was her birthday present. Not that I was expecting much. Honestly, you'd think that we'd never met with the things she gets me! But it seemed an awful waste not writing anything in your blank pages so there you go, treasure your one entry forever.

22, August, 3:35, still in my room

I know I swore never to write in you but this is too much for a single person to cope with and Lily is at her grandparents, a residence I do not have the number for.

So here goes, I plunge forward into the awful truth...My parents think I am a lesbian.

I am in shock. I swear to god, they came in and sat down on my bed while I was reading with that somber regretful look. "Emily, your father and I have something we need to ask you." My mum said softly, in that tone of voice she used to tell my grandmother died.

"Yeah?" I asked, still mostly entranced in my book.

"But we want you to know that whatever happens, we still love you." My dad chimed in.

I lowered my book. What were these idiots babbling about now? "Yeah all right, I love you too. I'm at a good part of my book." I said bluntly.

"Well..." My mother started.

"It's like this..."

"We were just wondering if..."

"Well not really wondering more of..."

"Will you guys just spit it out?" I interrupted knowing that if I let them they could do this for hours and then I'd never finish my book.

"Lesbian." My mother said quickly and then clasped her hands to her mouth as if she had just uttered a disgusting swear word.

"Well mum, that's really your decision isn't it." I told her. "But I do want dad to have partially custody, now may I please finish my book?"

"No, we thought you were a lesbian." My dad said quickly.

"WHAT?" I shrieked. "What in God's name would make you think that?"

"Well you've never had a boyfriend or anything, you don't wear normal clothes and all those violent movies and music, we just figured..." Mum trailed as she realized what my indignation might mean. "Does this mean you aren't a lesbian dear?"

"Of course I'm not a lesbian." I said vehemently.

They both looked highly embarrassed. "Well that's good." My dad said.

"Now could you get out and let me finish my book or did you want to ask me anything else horribly ridiculous and personal?" I asked sharply. Well they fled but after that it wasn't as if I could finish my book.

A lesbian! My parents think I'm a bloody lesbian. Not that there's anything wrong with that at all or anything just...you know what does that say about my love life? It doesn't exist that's what!

22, August, 3:45, my room,

Just got off the phone with Lily.

"Did you get your Hogwarts letter?" She asked. "It's funny. They sent it to my grandparents house and...."

I cut her off. "My parents think I'm a lesbian."

And you know what she did? She laughed! Like it wasn't the most embarrassing thing in the whole world! I hung up on her!

But she called me back. "Sorry Ems but it's just so funny to think of your parents trying to ask you that." She said, sounding serious (and not bloody laughing any more).

Then she started talking about her horrible sister Petunia's latest boyfriend (Vernon something or other, who cares). "Do I give off a lesbianish vibe?" I asked right in the middle of her rant about Vernon's complete lack of neck.

"Oh will you drop the lesbian thing?" She sounded exasperated.

"DO I GIVE OFF A LESBIAN VIBE?" I repeated, louder this time.

"No. You don't. Parents are just stupid I wish you'd just forget it." She sighed.

Lily says she looked it up and I am compulsively obsessive, (and I have a mild case of paranoia) which that means that I fixate on small things but this isn't SMALL it's HUGE! "Then do you think that I am abnormally non-effeminate?" I asked.

"I wouldn't be the one to ask. Remember, I'm the one who kicked Robert Burnett in the shins hard enough to make him cry for saying that girls couldn't play Quidditch." She said.

"But do you think that or not?" I begged.

"No I don't."

But I can't trust Lily, she's crazy.

22, August, 5:32, in my room again,

Chairman Meow (my darling albeit huge cat) and I have just finished The Godfather for what has got to be the billionth time. I bet Michael Corleone wouldn't think I was a lesbian.

10 important life lessons I have learned from Al Pacino movies:

1) It is never a good idea to stop on the Causeway without your security, there is always a chance people with machine guns might pop out of the ticket-collector boxes.

2) Never get in a car meant for Al Pacino

3) Slashing your wrists is a really gross way to kill yourself

4) If you say Hail Mary's when you're fishing you catch more fish

5) Never, under any circumstances, show someone affiliated with the Mafia your prize horse, especially if you're just going to piss them off later

6) Al Pacino is the only person in the world who can kill cops and get away with it

7) You fuck with the family and you're dead

8) It's not personal, it's business

9) Don't get Robert DiNiro kicked out of his job

10) If Al says he won't kill you he's lying. If you have to ask, you're so dead

23, August, 12:17, my room

My mother (the slave driver) woke me up at the ungodly hour of nine o'clock to do household work. Work! I ask you! I mean the summer is slipping through my fingers as we speak and she wants me to do chores? Is she mad? I think so. But she's on this new super-efficiency kick where we get up early and work to enrich our lives with the so-called "job-well-done" feeling when really all we do is suffer.

I managed to elude her by calling up Mad Auntie Cathy (who by the way doesn't think I am a lesbian- I asked- but then again she is crazy) and tricking her into thinking she wanted to speak to mum about something. Then when she took the call I slipped up to my room.

I feel kind of bad about using Auntie Cathy like that but it's not like she couldn't take a break from counting the massive collection of canned tomatoes she has to help out her favorite niece right?

Anyway so here I am and I have to spend the rest of the day up here now because if I go back down mum will remember she wanted me to help.

23, August, 1:26, the kitchen

Something really horrible has happened. My mother has invited Auntie Cathy to come visit us! Is she mad as well? Apparently, either that or she had forgotten that since Cathy is loony she lives with Auntie Margaret and Uncle Harry they'll be coming too. And they, by the way, have hated me since I hit their beloved daughter Rosie in the face with a tennis racket in the third grade (it's a long story).

And to cap it off Rosie is this sneaky, under handed weasel who everyone loves because she's super smart and a magical genius and completely gorgeous to boot. My parents also don't seem to realize that Rosie is an anomaly and not me because they're forever comparing the two of us.

And this is all so not how I wanted to spend the rest of my summer. The horribly ironic thing is that if I hadn't called up Auntie Cathy I could have enjoyed a completely relative free rest of the summer.

Point and match to life.

24, August, 3:37, the livingroom

Auntie Cathy more loony then I remember. This morning when the whole lot of us went out for brunch she sat next to me and kept asking me to raise and lower my menu at random intervals during the meal and then ducking down below the table. Probably the only reason I'm her favorite niece is that I entertain her crazy delusions.

In other news Cousin Rose is even more obnoxious then I remember but maybe that's only because she is STAYING IN MY ROOM. Could my parents get any crueler? As if it wasn't bad enough that I have to putting up with her all year at Hogwarts isn't bad enough they have to make me hang out with her too? And when she caught me reading Lady Chatterly's Lover she goes, "what are you doing?"

"Reading." I said (as if it weren't obvious).

"What are you reading?" She asked.

"Lady Chatterly's Lover." I said, my voice distant and annoyed.

"Is it any good?" She asked.

I shrugged. "I wouldn't know. I'm just reading the dirty bits." I said, just to shock her (and possibly quash the rumors that I am of a homosexual orientation).

It worked better then I had hoped, she looked so scandalized I half expected her to cross herself and begin praying for my soul right then and there. But all she said was, "I'm not sure that is entirely proper." Does she have no hormones?

My parents are trying to get me to hang out with her too, probably in hopes that some of her brilliance will rub off. "Sure dad," I said, "as long as we go somewhere where she's not allowed to speak and there is no remote possibility of running into someone I know."

He didn't see the humor in this.

24, August, 3:10, my room

I have been confined to my room for "subverting" (my father's word, not mine) my cousin's strong morals. And all I thought I did was listen to a few tapes while she was in the room. Admittedly they were a little raw in content and sound but it's not like he didn't know that's what I like. And I certainly wouldn't have let her if I'd known she was just going to tell my parents I had a LP with the F-word on it.

I swear, the most humiliating thing my father does is pretend he's smarter then me. I mean just because I'm the gray, if not black sheep of my family doesn't mean I'm stupid. I can speak well enough when the occasion arises but unlike a certain parent I know I don't abuse my vocabulary to make myself sound smarter.

25, August, 1:28, my room,

This morning when I was taking my cereal bowl to the sink after breakfast, trying to block out the noise of my Uncle still lecturing me in his boxers from the table (something about how inappropriate it was for children our age to be considering sex), when out of the fucking blue sky Rosie comes in the front door closely followed by Sirius Black!

Sirius Black! The most handsome, charming, sexy and sought after man at Hogwarts! In my kitchen! With my cousin! My sickly sweet, annoying, perfect, gorgeous cousin! I was so surprised I tripped on the cuff of my too big pajama pants and down in an ungraceful heap, dropping my bowl, smashing my chin, biting tongue and even managing to split my lip somehow.

"Emily! Are you all right?" My mum asked, rushing over to help my up.

I just made an utter idiot out of myself in front of the most popular boy in the whole fucking school and she wants to know if I'm all right? "I'm fine mum." But I'm not sure she believed me because as I said I wiped my mouth on the sleeve of my shirt and nearly soaked it in blood.

And to make things worse I saw Rosie snickering at me. Ok, Ok, admittedly I am klutzy but we can't all be perfect. And just because I'm not really as nice as I could be to her and I told her I didn't care last night when she told me that the Sex Pistol were anarchists when she caught me listening to Nevermind the Bullocks is no reason for her to mock me. She's got everyone fooled into thinking she's so saintly but I know better.

This whole fiasco is totally unfair because I have been trying to get Sirius' attention since I realized that his best friend James Potter lived right down the street from me and that seems to be where Sirius is during the summer more often then not but nothing has fucking worked.

I guess I should have expected this, I mean after all this is Rosie we're talking about: beautiful, smart and lucky Rosie. And I have seen them talking at school but COME ON! They couldn't possibly have anything in common (you know, OTHER then freakish good looks).

But you never know, I mean, for all I know Sirius Black is quiet the little bastard. The only thing I've heard about him is that he's great in bed from practically every girl in my dormitory (most of whom probably know first hand). I didn't even get to see his reaction to my completely eating it because my mum and dad crowded around me to quickly, waving fingers in my face and generally freaking out.

Not only that but on top of all this humiliation my demented father took me to the emergency room (being a muggle he doesn't really trust magic) just because my tongue wouldn't stop bleeding and had this quack of a doctor give me stitches. ON MY TONGUE! And while all these injustices were happening to me my evil cousin was probably kissing my crush IN MY ROOM.

I wish I were Al Pacino, because if I were I would have had Rosie killed by now.

25, August, 7:47, my room,

Well I still can't talk without sounding like a complete idiot, think about this morning's humiliation or eat most solid foods but Lily apparated over to cheer me up and I am feeling a lot better. But I would be sorely disappointed if I wasn't, considering all the painkillers they gave me in the hospital.

My family tried to draft the two of us into some sort of picnic Brady bunch Bull shit (admire my sexy, sexy alliteration) but in the chaos surrounding the preparations we were able to slip out unnoticed to the kooky local theater for back to back showings of two Fred Astaire movies.

"Do you think I should kill myself?" I asked, after explaining the events that landed me in the hospital as we walked back to my house. Only it came out sounding something like "Oo you fink I oould 'ill iself?" But Lily had become very adept at translating my mangled English.

Lily snorted. "Not over any friend of James Potter." She said.

"But it's not even about my having a crush on him. It's about...well, I dunno, the extreme humiliation I suppose." I said in my mangled way again.

"No. I don't think you should kill yourself." She said rolling her eyes.

"You know I bet this kind of thing that makes everyone think I'm so weird. That and the fact that the only boyfriend I ever had was completely psycho." I said glumly, or as glumly as you can get with so much painkiller in your system.

"I bet they're just scared of being rejected." She said stoutly.

I laughed, she sounded like my mum would if I ever discussed things like this with her (and she didn't think I was a lesbian). "No Lil, that's the reason they stay away from you. They stay away from me because I'm weird."

And it's totally true, the boys are scared of Lily rejecting them and I can't blame them; she is completely beautiful: all flaming red, curly hair, big, gorgeous green eyes and a killer figure. Now I'm not totally hideous but I can't hold a candle to Lilly.

My hair is Ok, it's kind of shinny but too straight and brown to be really interesting, my eyes are green but not an emerald or sea foam shade, just a sort of olive or army color, my bone structure is okay I suppose and I don't ever get fat no matter what I eat. But really I'm only average looking.

"I'll never deny that your weird luv but I have it on good authority that you're really quiet sexy." She said with a smirk, slapping playfully at my ass.

"And people think I'm a lesbian." I grumbled.

I know Lily was just trying to make me feel better about making an ass out of myself in front of the sexiest man ever (except maybe Paul McCartney when he was like twenty) and the stitches in my tongue but it worked anyway.

Except now I'm back to being depressed because my parents were mad I skipped out on their little picnic thingy and have revoked my "going out" privileges until the end of the hols.

Fucking Fascists.

26, August, 1:58, livingroom,

Top 5 Most Annoying Things about Cousin Rosie:

1) She is way preachy

2) She looks like a super model

3) My parents prefer her to me

4) She stole my crush

5) She has the most appalling taste in movies

6) No one but me knows how mean she really is

Was just forced by my sadistic cousin to watch some worthless sappy romance. And she complained about me reading Lady Chatterly? I am feeling unclean, going to take a shower. We could have watched Jaws but oh no, no we had to watch that garbage. And on top of all that she's all like, "Sirius this" and "Sirius that." Yeah the guy is a hunk but can we talk about something new?

Note to self: If in some freak chance have a guy interested in me, don't be obnoxious about it

26, August, 5:17, livingroom

Good thing I didn't waste the day sitting around with my cousin Rosie otherwise I might be really pissed off.

27, August, 7:52, my room,

Went shopping for my school supplies today (read: my cousin dragged me all over Diagon Alley with her annoying friends). Nothing to report really except a massive headache.

No wait, I lie, I did see Sirius again. Though not for very long, see, Rosie and I were in Flourish and Blotts when he came in to talk to her but luckily I was on the other side of the store and was able to duck down behind a rack of merchandise before he spotted me.

I wonder if she told him that I'm a lesbian.

28, August, 3:37, in the car,

Just dropped all my relatives off at the train station. Yippee! Three whole, glorious days of privacy and then its back to my dormitory. When I get back I am going to celebrate by dressing down to just my skivvies and bra to curl up with Chairman Meow and watch Jaws.

28, August, 5: 21, my room,

I think I scared poor Meow because at the part where Jaws is ramming into the underwater cage thing I accidentally grabbed him a little to tightly out of nerves. But he's calmed down now and very affectionate because I nicked him a whole can of tuna.

Maybe I should put him on a diet, he's now about twice the size of any regular cat and if he had a little kitty heart attack I would never forgive myself. Do they make kitty work out videos?

29, August, 11: 48, my room,

Normally around this time I would be panicking over all the homework I forgot to do but during Cousin Rosie's visit I had a lot of time where I (sadly) had nothing better to do then my homework but my parents don't know that so they keep bugging me to do it.

I swear to god these people having nothing between their ears. "I finished my homework." I tell them and then twenty minutes they're all like, "shouldn't you be working on your homework Emily?" I don't know why I even try anymore.

Do you have any idea how annoying it is to be surrounded by completely morons? Considering you are a diary I doubt it.

I need to get a hobby, or pretty soon I'm going to be like Auntie Cathy. And I don't even like canned tomatoes.

29, August, 3: 49, my room,

You know that feeling where you know something big is going to happen to you soon? Me either.

29, August, 3: 55, my room,

Did you know that the Swiss have the highest suicide rate in the world? I mean they have a way high standard of living and the beautiful back drop of Alps so why are they all slashing their wrists? Apparently the hills aren't really alive with the sounds of music.

29, August, 4:05, my room,

Lily is sick. She just called me sounding all depressed and stuffy to tell me that she probably wouldn't be on the train. I bet she was faking just to make me have to deal with the two Chrises on my own. Now don't get me wrong, I love both Chrises and would trust them with my life but sometimes it seems like all they ever do is fight.

Chris Farius and Chris Smith are I guess the other half of our click but they are as different as they could possibly be (thus all the fighting). Chris F. (the only male in our group) is loud, rambunctious, flamboyant, a compulsive flirt and completely homosexual.

Christ S. is the quietest of our group and if truth be told a bit of a tag along: not as wild, not as weird and certainly not as willing to bend any rules as far as the rest of us. I'm not sure why but it always seemed like the two Chrises were not part of Lilly's and my inner circle, that they would always hover outside our bond just slightly.

You know, they were never the first ones to know any secret, they were always the first ones to go to sleep and I don't think they saw me cry half as many times as Lilly. And I for one am not really looking forward to dealing with the traditional pre-term row on the train.

You'd think they thought it was bad luck not to have a massive fight on the train the way they go at it.

30, August, 12: 32, my room,

Mum is bugging me to pack. Fuck her, I've got the whole day tomorrow, now I'm much to preoccupied with sitting on my ass.

30, August, 2:41, the hall closet,

Hiding from mum. Determined not to pack today. Am amusing myself by looking through the shoeboxes of old shit that never got thrown out. Have found some really wicked stuff.

Wicked stuff I found in the Hall Closet:

One fencer's foil

Old photo albums of me peeing in the front lawn and the like (why my parents chose those moments to whip out the camera I'll never know)

The ubiquitous bird cage

An old hunting rifle

30, August, 3:01, hall closet,

10 Sexiest Guys Ever:

1) Paul McCartney (age 21)- good looking and with a sexy, sexy voice: what more could you ask for? I mean this guy wrote Yesterday!

2) Sirius Black- just take my word for it, he is sexy at its best

3) Al Pacino (age 21)-attractive in that dark, Mafia sort of way. Kind of like 'I could kill you in a heart beat if I wanted to but I never would because I'm bound by Sicilian honor and I love you'

4) James Bond (Sean Connery)- Facing danger at ever turn, licensed to kill and a god in bed.

5) James Dean- the original bad ass

6) Farhamir (Lord of the Rings)- Just like Borimir only better!

7) James Hook (Peter Pan)- Once you get around the whole evil and handless thing he's really quiet a hunk! Escalation

8) That guy I once saw on the Subway Escalation - I never knew reading a magazine could be so erotic

9) Sir Percy Blakeney (Scarlet Pimpernel)- Mysterious, honorable and downright sexy

10) Dirty Harry (Dirty Harry)- This is sort of sick I know, but I can't help it

10 and 1/2) Luke Skywalker (Starwars)- Bereft, powerful and psychologically abused: you'd think he'd be suicidal or possibly completely insane and evil but no, he's damn sexy

30, August, 3:56, the roof,

Mum found me and sent me to my room to pack but made the heinous mistake of not following me to make sure I did it and she'll never find me here! And even if she knew exactly where I was I know for a fact that she isn't small or limber enough to get up here. It's perfect!

Or it would be if those stupid neighbor kids would quit throwing rocks at me and the sun weren't directly in my eyes and I wasn't so hungry and it wasn't so god damn boring up here.

And the worst part is that I have nothing to throw back at the kids. Why do people insist of reproducing? All kids do is whine, complain, throw rocks at innocent bystanders and then grow up and blame all their problems on you.

30, August, 6: 37, the roof, still,

Found a bunch of some kind of hard nut caught on a flat space of the roof and chased the kids off with a volley. Yeah, that's right, run you little fuckers! And then I fell asleep on the roof.  
I'm a lawsuit waiting to happen.

31, August, 2:18, my room,

Well I stuck by my convictions and triumphed over evil. Or at least put off packing for a day. God am I stupid, now I wish I had done it yesterday. I mean it's two o'clock and I'm only half done!

Why did I put this off so late?

31, August, 10:45, my room,

I can't find my lucky knickers! This is a catastrophe! I will never make it through the term without them! I woke both my parents up but they just don't seem to grasp the seriousness of the situation. This is the conversation that transpired when I careened into their room at ten o'clock.

Me: Mum! Dad! Wake up! I can't find my lucky knickers!

Mum: Eweormumff

Me (grumpy): Get up this is important!

Dad: What do you need?

Me (frustrated): I need you to get up!

Mum: Why? It's got to be past ten.

Me: I can't find my lucky knickers! And if I don't have them my term will be ruined!

Dad: You have lucky knickers?

Me: Yes! They're the ones with the Sex Pistols on them!

Dad (even more confused): You have knickers with the Sex Pistols on them?

Me: YES!

Dad: Well where are they?

Me: I DON'T KNOW! WHY ELSE WOULD I BE WAKING YOU UP? I DO HAVE SOME SORT OF LOGIC TO THIS! THIS ISN'T MY IDEA OF FUN YOU KNOW!

Mum: Just calm down Emily, it's not that big a deal

Not that big a deal? NOT THAT BIG A DEAL? If I don't find these my life will never be the same. What will I on those days when the shit hits the fan before you even get up? I'll have to suffer in silence, alone and forsaken without the mystical power of my knickers to get me through it intact!

I'll never make it! The school will send me home to my parents in a matchbox!

Me (exasperated): Oh why do I even bother with you people?

And since then I have turned my room upside down looking for them! Where the hell could they be? Maybe Cousin Rosie stole them...but she would never touch them for fear that their devilry would wear off on her. Maybe a bird flew in my window...I'm talking nonsense.

31, August, 12: 43, my room,

Found my knickers. I had already packed them.

I hate me.

AN: Hello luvs! Reviews are yummy, please send them to me!


	2. Euphemisms

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the assorted patented things I may mention. Really there just on loan, so sorry if this spoils the magic for some of the younger viewers.

AN: A big thanks to all three people who reviewed. The rest of you suck in a major way.

September

1, September, 11:30, aboard the Hogwarts Express,

I am surprisingly chipper this morning considering that this is the earliest I've gotten up all summer but that probably has more to do with the half pot of coffee I downed in about three sips twenty minutes ago. My hands are still shaking a little bit.

I'm actually a little glad to be going back, I mean lying around is nice and all but it can get old after a few months. I can't believe I said that, but it's true. I mean I know I'm only glad because I can't remember how much homework the teachers assign and how much of a suck fest it is but still I'm a bit excited.

Chris and Chris are fighting again. It's times like this that make me appreciate the incredible coincidence of their names because if I want them to shut up I only have to say "Chris shut it" and they both assume I'm talking to them. Not that either of them listen or anything, it just saves me time.

Oh god now they're starting in on their polar movie tastes. I've got to get out of here!

1, September, 7:39, the Great Hall,

The most amazing thing in the world just happened to me. I'm still feeling a little surreal. I got up and went to the bathroom to get away from the battling Chrises. The bathrooms on the Hogwarts express are really very nice- they're unisex (very important for later developments), with thick red carpet and little couches and what not- so it was only natural that I decide that now would be the time to paint my nails.

I'm not what you would call a girly girl and I bite my fingernails far to back for nail polish but I do love to paint my toenails. For some reason it's like my Sex Pistols underwear: even though no one but me ever sees it, it gives me a little bounce in my step. So I sat down on one of the couches took off my shoes and made myself at home.

It had only been about five minutes and I was only done with the first coat on the first foot when the door opens and to my horror in walks Sirius Black! I cursed myself for forgetting to lock the door. He seemed surprised to see me (who wouldn't be surprised to find a girl painting her toenails in the lavatory- God I am such a freak). "Oh I'm sorry." He said starting for the door.

"No it's all right, I can do this in my compartment." I said getting up and beginning to put on my shoe, keeping my head bent over in hopes of hiding behind my hair so he wouldn't be able to recognize me as the girl who ate it in her kitchen only a few days prior.

But I had just pulled my shoe on when the train went around a curve a little faster then it should have and several things happened at once: the heavy bathroom door slammed shut hard enough to jam itself, I toppled to the floor with a squeak (thank god still in my muggle blue jeans or my robes most certainly would have flown up) and Sirius swore loudly in surprise.

"Are you all right?" He asked.

What kind of crack was this man smoking? I had just humiliated myself more times then I could possibly count in the last five minutes and he wanted to know if I'm all right? No, of course I'm not "all right." What does that mean anyway? "Yeah." I said. "How about you?"

"I'm fine." He assured me. "But I have the bad feeling that we aren't going to be able to get this door open." He gave it a few experimental pulls. "It seems jammed."

God? Why do you hate me?

I went over and stood next to him. "Lets both try together." I suggested. And we did, we pulled on it long and hard but nothing seemed to work.

My older brother Andrew (whose now left for collage) once "pennied" me into my closet which basically meant that he pulled the door sideways and crammed pennies into the crack until the door wouldn't move. Which, apart from being a complete fire hazard was a little embarrassing because it took my parents two days to realize I was missing.

And when they finally did they flipped out and called the fire department over to break down my closet door with an ax instead of doing the logical thing and taking the bloody door off it's hinges. And my mother has her Ph.D.! You'd think they'd be more selective about who they make Doctors.

But the point of the story is to explain that I didn't panic because I had experience in this field, otherwise I would have no doubt been flipping out. "Someone's bound to come and use this rest room sometime soon and then we can simply get them to take the door off it's hinges." I reasoned aloud. "Unless you have your wand with you."

He shook his head. "Left it in my compartment."

"Well then we're stuck here for a bit. My name is..." I began to introduce myself.

"Emily Stanton, I know. You're Rosie's cousin right. I recognized you." He cut in. "I'm Sirius Black." As if I didn't know his name. Please, there wasn't a straight girl in this school who didn't have explicit sexual fantasies about him.

"I'm not a lesbian." I blurted out. Fuck! What the hell did I say that for?

He stared at me. "That's good to know. I'm not gay." He said laughing his deep, rolling laugh. I liked his laugh, it was rich and honest starting somewhere in his sternum and bubbling up in rolling peals. Am I fucking poetic or what?

I could feel the color rush to my face as I hurried to explain. "No...it's just that...well my parents...and I thought that maybe Rosie.... you know told you that...oh forget it." I finally gave up trying to have a conversation and did the logical thing: I took my shoe back off and resumed my nail painting.

Only a few moments had passed in silence when I began to feel uncomfortable and realized that Sirius must be staring at me. I looked up and sure enough his intense blue eyes locked with mine. "You want me to paint yours next or what?" I asked, well snapped really, a little angry that he had allowed me to humiliate myself so atrociously.

He eyed the fusha color. "You don't look like a toenail polish kinda girl." He said instead of answering me, his eyes flicking over the hole in the knee of my jeans, the ductape wrapped around the toe of my left sneaker to hold it together and my spray paint 'art is not a crime' T.

"And you don't look like someone who would like Rosie. Looks are deceiving." I shot back.

"Don't get along with your cousin?"

"Your arrogant aren't you." I accused.

"Maybe. But I'm right aren't I?" He smirked.

"Yeah." I conceded. "But so what. She's perfect and all, I understand that but that doesn't mean I have to like her." I defended.

"Hey I never claimed your cousin wasn't a major drag." He said.

I cocked an inquisitive eyebrow at him. "You two seemed to get along so well I just assumed..."

He cut me off. "Well you assumed wrong. No denying your cousin is hot Emily and in theory she's like the ultimate dream girl but she's kind of annoying in practice." He said. "You wanna hear a secret?"

I nodded. "Sure, why not."

"Come here." He said crooking a finger at me. Oh god, I thought, if this is a dream don't ever let me wake up. I swallowed hard and leaned in so he could whisper in my ear. "I like you better."

A shiver ran up my spine at his words but I leaned back and said as calmly as I could, "well that would make you exactly the second person in the whole world." Just keep breathing Ems, I instructed myself firmly, just keep breathing, fainting will just make it worse.

"Don't tell me, Lily Evans is the first." I must have looked surprised because he said. "James used to take me along on his pathetic stalking sessions and a good three fourths of the time you were with her. That's how I know I like you better then your cousin."

It took me a second to process that. "James Potter follows us places?" I shrieked.

Sirius laughed. "You knew we were there! We weren't like creeping along behind you, crouched down in the shrubbery. Lily used to blow up at James in the most spectacular ways and we'd all get thrown out of the library, surely you remember that."

I laughed, how could I forget?

And having nothing better to do we fell into reminiscing about our friend's more spectacular fights. We talked quiet comfortably after that, I couldn't have asked for a better person to be locked in a bathroom with.

I painted his nails and we talked about movies, books and music. I was surprised and pleased to find we had very similar tastes in almost everything which I am now realizing might not be a good thing because he is twice as attractive to me and just as unattainable.

In fact I was almost sad when we were found, sad that I had to leave this tiny utopia where Sirius and I could be friends and get back to reality.

Oh good the sorting is over. Got to go!

2, September, 8:13, Great Hall,

I have pasted my schedule in this diary so you will better understand what a complete catastrophe this is. Also, on a side note, Gooey Bubble Bombs and Exploding Frisbees have been added the list of banned things (now swollen to almost two hundred items, no doubt a good deal of which are courtesy of Sirius Black and his friends).

9-10: History of Magic (with the Ravenclaws)

10-11: Potions (with the Ravenclaws)

11-12: Transfiguration (with the Hufflepuffs)

12-1: Lunch

1-2: Herbology (with the Slytherins)

2-3: Charms (with the Slytherins)

3-4: Arithmancy (a mixed class)

I mean how they expect me to stay awake in History of Magic at nine o'clock in the morning is totally beyond me! Have the faculty ever met Professor Binns? And Transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs! I mean don't get me wrong the Hufflepuffs are great people but there is always a high risk of ending up with something you didn't want in the first place attached to your body with them.

And don't even get me started on my double period with the Slytherins! Or the fact that my first two periods are with Rose (she's in Ravenclaw). Got to dash, I need to eat something to fortify myself for my impending doom.

2, September, 2: 39, Charms,

Lilly called, she's getting in this afternoon, feeling considerably better. That's good.

Chris Farius' list of the five ten sexiest men ever:

(a note of sorts)

1. John Travolta

Chris: Black hair, sexy voice and a way sexy attitude

Me: Eww, please be kidding, I mean this is the man from Saturday Night Fever, you do know this don't you?

Chris: What about in Grease?

Me: He was annoying in Grease as well. "Oh Sandy! I'm a stupid fucker who is confined by social norms even as I strive desperately to define myself as a rebel!"

Chris: I still think he's sexy

2. Sirius Black

Chris: Do I even have to say anything

Me: Now we're talking. Maybe there is some hope left for you

3. Paul McCartney

Chris: Possibly the last true romantic on the whole planet

Me: I would do him in a heart beat

4. John Lennon

Chris: A little twisted yes but that's part of the appeal

Me: Well as you know I prefer Paul but John has a certain allure about him yes

5. Kevin Knowell

Chris: Sexy in a dark way

Me: KEVIN KNOWELL! As in Kevin sitting-in-the-back-of-the-classroom-slashing-my-wrists Kevin? As in the captain of depressing, hopeless, and too deep to have any meaning humans can recognize poetry? As in the same Kevin who thinks fucking Apocalypse Now is too cheerful?

Chris: No the other Kevin Knowell

Me: Oh that's good, I thought you actually meant depresso-boy

Chris: How could you possibly be so stupid?

I am forced to conclude that Chris was trying to employ a obscure form of sarcasm in an attempt at humor, though I don't see anything funny about the sever chemical imbalance that has made him find Kevin Knowell attractive. Though I can't say that I shouldn't have seen it coming, after all Kevin finds only the weird ones attractive.

For example there is a boy at Hogwarts named Kenny, he's a scrawny kid, a real mouth breather with a peanut allergy so sever that he could go into anaphylactic shock from the tiniest trace of it. I used to fantasize that someday he would cross the Mafia and they would pump him full of peanut oil but apparently Chris had entirely different fantasies.

Or that at least is what he told me late one night in the common room in our second or third year. Luckily I don't think Chris is still infatuated with him, which is good because I'm not sure I could have kept from laughing at the wedding if they ever got married.

Are gay marriages legal?

2, September, 2:49, Charms,

I asked Chris S. if two men could get married.

Chris S: No, sodomy isn't even legal

Me: What's sodomy?

Chris: It's the technical term for doing it in the butt

Me: They have a technical term for that?

Chris: Two actually: sodomy and anal sex

Me: Why do they need two euphemisms for doing it in the butt. Or for that matter why can't they just call it doing it in the butt? I mean I understand it's a touchy topic but most of societies problems could be avoided if we just talked strait about them

Chris: Interesting point but it'll never fly

Me: Why not?

Chris: People like Euphemisms, they're comfortable. For instance if I wanted to tell you that The Chairman was dead, I would tell you he had passed, or that he was put to sleep. I wouldn't tell you that your cat kicked it, that would just upset you more.

Me: Did something happen to Meow?

Chris: No your cat is fine. That was just example

Me: But I'd be so upset anyway it would make minuscule difference how you broke the news to me

Chris: Maybe but it will still never fly

3, September, 12: 37, Great Hall,

I did not get enough sleep last night. In fact none of the Gryffindor girls did really. See last night we found a roach in our dormitory (which I suspect has something to do with all the boxes of sweets Emma gets halfway through before remembering she is on a diet and leaving them scattered about). And after about an hour and a half of panicked jumping from bed to bed Lily finally smashed it with a Transfiguration book.

My Transfiguration book to be exact. And in trying to get the roach er...remains off my book I subsequently got water all over the first two chapters (I didn't think to use magic having just come back from the hols), smearing it into illegibility. So today when I got the class and Professor McGonagall told us all to turn to page five I obviously didn't.

"Miss Stanton is there any reason your book is not open?" He asked, those hawk eyes flashing to me almost instantly.

I swallowed hard, she always made me feel uncomfortable. "Yes Professor I accidentally got water on the first two chapters of my book." I explained meekly.

"Well who will volunteer to share their book with Miss Stanton until we have moved out of the first two chapters?" McGonagall asked the class.

Four hands went up. Lily and the two Chrises had obviously offered but so had...Sirius Black! McGonagall considered the four of them. I could see her thoughts as if her head were transparent, if she put me with any of my friends we would just chat and pass notes so she had no choice but to... "Mr. Black I'm surprised to see you are in an altruistic mood, Miss Stanton please push your desk next to Mr. Blacks and begin reading the text."

Well obviously it was the square root of impossible to concentrate of the history of some spell with Sirius Black so close to me. I could feel him reading next to me and smell the subtle sent of him: soap, leather, mint and something else I couldn't place. It made my knees a little weak.

3, September, 2:45, Charms,

Herbology was evil today. Lucius Malfoy kept flinging Jam-Bam seeds at me all period and claiming it was an accident. Stupid prick. Mostly I managed to duck the crystalline orbs filled with a thick jelly that inflames any skin it touched but one hit my shirt and so my stomach is still a little red and tender.

Not a lot red because, well, I pulled off my shirt quickly enough. In front of most of the Gryffindor and Slytherin seventh years. Only afterwards did I realize what exactly I had done but luckily for me Chris F. was nice (and quick) enough to take off his shirt and give it to me before almost anyone could see. Partly I think because he is a good friend and partly because he's so f-ing proud of his six-pack.

My only consolation is that Malfoy got detention.

To do list:

1) Form Mafia connections

2) Kill Lucius Malfoy with said Mafia connections

3) Stop thinking about Sirius Black

AN: Anyway tell me what you think please of this chapter please! And as always send all comments, flames, reviews, love letters, hate mail, suicide notes or tax refunds to


	3. Late Nights and PBJs

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Harry Potter or any of the other things I might mention I would be sitting on a beach somewhere sunny and enjoying all my money

AN: All right, I never claimed to be a genius or even anything more then mildly funny (not intentionally of course) so a big thank you to NicolaPadfoot for pointing out that I had made my settings so only people who were logged in could review. I have rectified that and sorry about the inconvenience. Please review!

3, September, 8:32, my dormitory,

I went to watch Lily practice her flying skills and fell asleep in the bleachers. And when I woke up do you know what I found her doing? Practically flirting with James Potter that's what! After six years of telling him (and me) how much of a prat he is now suddenly she's leaning into their conversations and doing her cute laugh at his jokes?

I couldn't hear what they were saying exactly but from the way he was gesturing skyward and the way her eyes were shinning I could guess it was about Quidditch. Lily isn't the best at Quidditch, she's on the Gryffindor reserve team and she tries hard and plays harder but she somehow lacks the innate skill of some...like James for instance.

I thought about marching over there and demanding what exactly they thought they were doing but looking at her face I couldn't. She looked so happy and alive and animated that I couldn't spoil her fun. So I sat on the cold bleachers, faking sleep and watching them through my eyelashes for what seemed like hours until finally Lily sent him off and came to wake me up.

She was so cheerful after that it made me a little sad. Suppose she liked James better then me?

4, September, 11:35, Transfiguration,

I gave Lily one of my strips of bacon this morning to remind her why she likes me so much. "What did you do to it?" She asked.

"Nothing." I said. "My gift to you as your best friend." I stressed the best friend part.

She looked as if she might like to check my forehead for a temperature but wasn't fool enough to turn down free bacon. "All right then, thanks Ems." She said and turned back to her eggs.

And then Chris F. sa

4, September, 12: 09, Great Hall,

Sorry had to cut out there without notice. Sirius was reading over my shoulder. So naturally I slammed it shut and fixed him with my most withering stare but did he get the message? Of course not.

And this is the note he passed me.

Sirius: What are you writing in?

Me: My journal

Sirius: What were you writing?

Me: None of your goddamn business

Sirius: You and Lily having issues?

Me: No

Sirius: Is it because she's started hanging out with James?

Me: YOU KNEW ABOUT THAT?

Sirius: James isn't exactly a stealth master

Me: Me may be James but he isn't James Bond?

Sirius: What?  
Me: Nothing

Sirius: Whatever. Yes I knew but it doesn't really bother me. I mean it did at first, especially when he spent time we used to spend together with her, but James would never ditch me and if it makes him happy I shouldn't care right?

Me: I guess so. I mean at least they'd have totally adorable kids that I could spoil rotten

Sirius: Whatever you say

Me: So you going to tell me why you're being so nice to me?

Sirius: I like you

Me: What? Why? What are you talking about?

Sirius: I think you're funny

Me: Is that good or bad?

And that was when McGonagall handed out our pop quiz and we had to deist.

I wonder why he thinks that I'm funny? It's a very odd thing to say. I mean yes I have a sort of weird acidic humor but that's not usually considered an attribute. In fact Lily and Chris F are like the only people who think I'm amusing. Even Chris S. thinks it can get annoying and she's one of my best friends.

Maybe it was one of those stupid jokes where someone goes 'you're funny...looking' and I just didn't get to hear the punch line. But he has been being very nice to me lately so maybe he was serious.

When did life get so damn complicated? Why can't I just lust for Sirius at a distance? Doomed I am to lead a life of complication and drama.

4, September, 2: 29, Charms,

Lilly Evan's List of the Hottest Guys Ever:

1) James Dean

Lily: The first person to tell their parents to fuck themselves, paving the way for generations of rudeness

Me: Amen to that sister!

2) Al Pacino

Lily: He's sexy. Case and point.

Me: He can make me an offer I can't refuse any day

3) Ret Butler (Gone with the wind)

Lily: Just plain yummy

Me: Yeah but Scarlet was really annoying

Lily: But a good dresser

4) The Six Million Dollar Man

Lily: Great show, sexy guy

Me: You are a sick woman

5) Mick Jones (The Clash)

Lily: He's hot and he can play the guitar

Me: Yeah, he's pretty damn cute but I can't believe Paul McCartney was no where on your list

Lily: Just because you have a sick obsession with someone twice your age doesn't mean we all do

Me: Oh shut up, at least I don't get all hot for a robot

Lily: The Six Million Dollar man is cool!

4, September, 9:41, Dormitory,

Lily and I were doing our homework in the library tonight (free from distractions because James was at Quidditch practice) when Rosie came in. She gave me the dirtiest look in the world and continued to shoot mean glances at me the whole time. At first I thought it was because she'd found the copy of Lady Chatterly's Lover I slipped under her pillow but she had a look that went way beyond such childish jokes.

I had seen that look only once before and that was when this schizophrenic kid flipped out and tried to drown me at a public pool. She genuinely wanted to hurt me, badly. What could I possibly have done to arouse such malice?

I mean I am not a bad person. Sure I'm a little vindictive, a little childish and at times I have even been known to be down right vicious but I didn't think anyone really HATED me. Until now. And Rosie is a lot sneakier then you would think from looking at her.

I thought about telling Lily but then decided against it. Why worry her? It wasn't as if Rosie could actually DO anything against me, you know except glare at me a lot.

In other news next weekend is a Hogsmead weekend.

5, September, 11: 47, Transfiguration

Today is a beautiful day. It's a Friday, the sun is shinning and I am wearing my Sex Pistols panties. And all the major crisis in my life- my cousin wanting to kill me, my best friend preparing to leave me for a former enemy and my parents thinking I am of the homosexual orientation- can be counted on a single hand.

5, September, 12:25, Great Hall,

I have pasted the note that Sirius Black slipped me as we were getting let out of Transfiguration in so I won't loose it.

You want to go to Hogsmead next weekend?

In shock. More once I can think.

5, September, 1:16, Girls Lavatory (sort of ditching Herbology),

Told Madame Sprout I had to use the loo.

So there I was having a heart attack, trying not to leap out of my seat, re-reading the note to check for signs of malicious sarcasm and planning what I would wear all at the same time when Chris S. grabs it from me. "What's this?" She asked.

I hate it when she does that but I was to happy to care. "That," I whispered to my three friends, "is my invite to Hogsmead, a la Sirius Black!" Lily and Chris F. both making high squealing noises that dimmed a little when I shushed them quickly. "No, shut up! Don't make a lot of noise he's right over there"

"This is great Ems." Chris F. sighed. "He's so sexy."

"Yeah, you're going to have a great time." Lily assured me.

"You guys, it's not like a proper date or anything, we're just friends really." I said, but I was so flushed and pink and smug I'm sure they didn't believe me.

"I don't think you should go." Chris S. said suddenly, not bothering to keep her voice low.

We all stared at her. "Why?" I finally asked.

Chris S. snorted. "Don't be so nieve Emily. This is Sirius Black we're talking about here. We all know he only wants one thing from you and once he gets it you'll be just another notch on his bed post."

"Don't be such a bitch." Lily said defensively. "Emily isn't like the other girls."

Chris S. looked livid. "Whatever. Emily if you want to keep your head buried in the sand that's your business but you know what I think." And she stormed off.

Lily and Chris F. kept assuring me that Chris S. was just stupid but really all she had done was say what I was thinking out loud. Sirius changed girlfriends about as often as the pope prays and there really was a large possibility that I could end up with a broken heart and a whole head full of crazy from this.

So in light of his reputation, I have decided to do this: I will accept his invitation but I will not sleep with him until either he becomes bored with me or I will have to admit that he is a) superhumanly patient or b) of pure intentions. Slowly I will wear him down.

6, September, 2:47 (in the fucking morning), Dormitory,

I missed dinner, which with hindsight seems like such an obviously stupid thing to do. But apparently when I am asleep I have even less foresight then I do when I'm awake. Before the whole roach fiasco I would have snacked on some of Emma's strewn about chocolate but not now. God damn I am so fucking hungry.

I wish I knew where the kitchens were.

6, September, 5: 31 AM, Dormitory,

So there I was, so hungry my stomach growling so loud I was honestly surprised the rest of the girls weren't awake. When suddenly I realized that while I didn't know where the kitchens were Sirius Black certainly did.

I slipped as quietly as I could to the boys dormitory and that was when I realized that I didn't know which bed was his and didn't dare risk waking up the wrong person. So I stood on the cold floor in my all-together too thin socks and looked around in the half dark for his curly mop of hair.

I narrowed it down to two boys and was just about to just go with the one closest to me when I suddenly spotted peaking out from under the other one's bed the very edge of a sack I recognized as the one the 50 dung bomb Zonko's special came in.

Well that settled it. I strode over to his bed and shook him roughly the by the shoulders. "Sirius get up!" I whispered in his ear.

He turned over looking tried and completely sexy with his hair all smushed down from bed and no shirt. "Emily?" He moaned, his voice a pitch lower then usual. "What's up?"

"I need you to take me to the kitchens." I whispered back, only now realizing how weird and lame this was going to sound and three o'clock in the morning.

"Why?" He asked, but he was already getting up and pulling a robe on (damn him).

"I missed dinner and I'm way hungry." I explained, blushing slightly in the dark.

"Fair enough." He agreed as he pulled a little slip of parchment out of what had to be James Potter's trunk (the fancy broomstick on top was a dead give away) and whispered something to low for me to hear, tapping it with his wand. "All right let's go."

I was curious about the bit of paper at that point but it was tantamount to torture later when he checked it later and then took me "the long way" because he said Filch was patrolling the other corridor. But I bit my tongue and didn't ask, it was killer but I was just glad he was taking me at all.

He took me to a bit picture of a bowl of fruit in a corridor I had never been to before and tickled the pair, which turned into a handle and let us into the huge kitchens. I was all prepared to begin scavenging for something quick and yummy when all of the sudden a house elf seemed to materialize next to me.

"Can Binky get you something miss?" It asked.

"Uh yeah, how about just some PB and J sandwiches?" I asked, a little taken a back by its sudden appearance. "Anything for you Sirius?"

"I could go for some pumpkin juice." He said still rubbing sleep from his eyes.

We sat at this little table while Binky went to make us food. "Thanks for doing this for me Sirius." I said to break the silence as we waited.

"No problem." He yawned. We were silent for a few moments, that late night silence where you're really, honestly thinking about nothing, but finally he spoke. "I like you socks." He said leaning back so he could stare pointedly at where they poked out from under my pajama pants (the exact moment I realized that I had worn the pants with little red hearts- god I hate me).

Now let me, before I describe my socks, explain this: matching socks are for people with a lot more time then me. So one of my socks was a sort of lime green/magenta affair and the other was Christmas themed one with little Santas and a few bells.

I had nothing to say, there is no excuse for such horrible socks, so I just blushed and we were silent until the sandwiches and pumpkin juice came. "So does this mean you'll go with me to Hogsmead?" Sirius asked.

"I'd love to." I said without hesitation. I had made up my mind hours earlier that this was just one of the risks I was going to have to take, after all, it wasn't like I could bring myself to refuse.

After that the conversation flowed comfortably and between us we managed to consume the entire heaping tray of sandwiches. I laughed quiet a bit as he regaled me with stories of the wild late adventures he and his friends had participated in.

It must have been a strange sight, me with my horrible pajamas, him in his robe, laughing uproariously, so out of place in the impeccable kitchen. God he acts strangely for someone who just wants into my pants.

AN: Well I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please review! And send all comments, questions, audition tapes or penis enlargement offers to


	4. Add Drama and Stir till Plot Thickens

DISCLAIMER: Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

JK Rowling owns Harry Potter,

And that makes me blue.

6, September, 9:04, Dormitory,

Ah glorious, glorious Saturday. I hope whoever thought up the weekend lived a long and happy life. Lily has gone down to the Pitch to fly (I would bet money accompanied by a certain dark haired fellow who at one point she CLAIMED to hate) or I would make her listen to my whole account of last night's Sirius adventure.

I think I'll go down to the common room and have Chris S. beat my ass at chess. Oh wait we're fighting. Shit. Ok, then maybe I'll go to the library and begin my massive amount of Arithmancy homework.

Things That Hardly Ever work out well:

1) Dating your friends

2) Murder

3) Splitting up in horror movies

4) Playing Dodgeball with rageaholics

5) Pissing Al Pacino off

6, September, 11: 39, Common Room,

I found a section of muggle films while I was procrastinating (god this new Arithmancy stuff is hard) and ended up watching Cool Hand Luke which proved to be one of the coolest movies ever created (except I sort of hated the ending with a passion). I am replacing Sir Percy with him on my list of sexy guys (sorry Blakeney but you just can't beat a smart-ass).

6, September, 1:12, Common Room,

I was going down to have lunch in the great hall (minding my own business) and out of the blue James Potter yells for me to come over to him. I glanced around and seeing that besides a few first years finishing up some homework the common room was empty (can't be seen fraternizing with the enemy) decided it was safe to see what he wanted.

"Yes?" I asked, a little rudely but in all fairness the man was in the process of stealing my best friend. Hostility should have been expected.

He seemed a little unsure of himself (a first I'm sure) and my rudeness didn't seem to bolster his confidence. "Well I was wondering if we could talk." He said finally.

"I was on my way to lunch." I said, not wanting to stay.

"I brought food so we could talk all lunch." He said pulling a knapsack out from under the table.

Stupid, stupid, stupid, I thought, now I'm trapped. "All right." I said and pulled out a chair.

The real intent of this luncheon became clear only moments into it when James coolly asked, "so you've known Lily from day one at Hogwarts right?"

"Yes." I agreed, a little confused. Is this normal behavior for a friend thief?

"And what would you say her opinion of me is?" He asked, his calm slipping a few notches.

For a few seconds I had no idea how to answer. Was this a trick question? Was he kidding? Lily had always made it perfectly clear (up until a few weeks ago of course) she hated his guts into oblivion and back again.

"I would say that probably her behavior would be more indicative then anything I could say." I said finally, giving him a piercing I-know-you've-been-romancing-my-best-friend-on-the-Quidditch-pitch-you-dirty-scoundrel stare.

And I guess in a strange way my stair worked because he did confess, just in a manner that made me wish I had made up a much better excuse not to talk with him. "But that's the point." He nearly wailed. "Her behavior is indicative of nothing at all. Sometimes she seems interested and at least she isn't shouting at me anymore but sometimes she seems like she's only being nice because it's the polite thing to do. Like I am some nuisance to be tolerated."

And he looked so distraught at this notion I burst out laughing. As if Lily would tolerate someone just to be nice! The idea was ridiculous; she was just brutally honest by nature. For a second I considered letting him continue to think that in hopes of keeping my friendship a little while longer but in the end I couldn't do it: he looked to damn pathetic.

"What we have here is a failure to communicate." I said, in my best Cool Hand Luke voice.

James missed the reference. "How so?" He asked.

"If Lily will give you the time of day, she'll give you her life. Some how you have landed yourself on her good list and though she may at times seem disinterested I doubt it means anything."

James nodded. "I thought of that and if you think so to then it's probably true."

It felt nice to be so trusted and he seemed so relieved but I still couldn't help but feel depressed. We sat in silence for a few moments, eating the good but simple fare James had nicked from the kitchen. And it was all very awkward until James is all like, "do you think you could put in a good word for me with Lily?"

Of all the nerve! This man is stealing my best friend and is now asking me to help him! Well I decided to put an end to it right then and there. "Look James POTTER," I snarled. "If you are going to try to steal Lily that's your prerogative but don't expect me to help you out you heartless bastard!"

And I attempted to storm from the room but I only got about halfway to the stairs before James stopped me dead in my tracks. "You think I'm stealing Lily?" He sounded shocked.

I turned around, even angrier now. "Duh that's what you're doing."

"And that's why you've been so hostile towards me?"

"You're really brilliant aren't you?" I said in the most mean, sarcastic voice I could manage.

"No, just stunned." He said slowly. "Lily would never leave you and you must know that Emily. Do you have any idea how much she talks about you? It's always 'And then Emily and I did this' or 'Emily said' no matter what we talk about."

I blinked, as flattered as I was placated. "She talks about me?"

"All the time. You're her favorite person." He told me. I beamed, suddenly feeling much better about James than I ever had before. "So will you put in a good word for me?"

I nodded. "Of course!" I agreed.

Except now I have no idea how to gracefully bring up James Potter to Lily in a good way.

7, September, 11:11, Common Room,

I told Lily what happened last night with Sirius.

"So you like him then?" She said.

"No!" I said a little too quickly. "I mean yes, as a friend, but just as a friend."

She didn't look like she bought it. "Then you're completely unaffected by his sexy but casual dark hair, his deep soulful blue eyes, his rippling abs and sensual kissable lips?" She was making fun of me.

"Oh shut it Lily." I said grouchily.

OH SHIT HAVE MASSIVE AMOUNT OF ARITHMANCY HOMEWORK LEFT TO DO!

7, September, 12: 39, Library,

Making no headway in Arithmancy, going out of my mind with frustration! Normally I ask Chris S. for help when I have problems with this sort of thing but I have my pride. Just because she was probably right doesn't mean I have to be the first to apologize.

7, September, 4:26, Library,

I just don't understand this! Normally I'm good in my classes, I'm certainly not the best and I think all the teachers secretly hate me because I'm a smart ass but I've never found anything I just had no idea how to do. It's like the great wall is between me and this making sense land!

Ah fuck it, I'm just going to write down random stuff!

8, September, 4: 31, Dormitory,

Completely failed that assignment. Professor Nory is giving me another chance to do it properly. Thanks Professor, normally that would be the nice thing to do but normally the fault would have been my laziness. This time I just don't know how to do it!

In other news Chris F. is acting very strangely, he keeps making really lame excuses to leave for a few hours and he always comes back looking happier then before. Maybe he's developing a drug habit. Have decided to put some pamphlets under his pillow on all the hazards STDs and drugs.

9, September, 6: 13, Dormitory,

Just got out of Professor Nory's intensive tutorial. I am feeling stupider then I ever have in my whole life and the massive headache doesn't help either. Still don't fucking understand this shit even though Nor explained it five ways to Sunday.

I have always suspected that Professor Nory and I have different mind waves. The way he explains things generally just doesn't make sense to me which was Ok before when I had Chris S. to pick me up off my dumb ass. But now even he got frustrated with me and my stupid questions.

10, September, 3: 51, Arithmancy,

I know I failed that quiz. And now Nory has about two hours to explain to me just how wrong and stupid I am. Why does Chris S. have to be so god damn patient?

11, September, 11: 12, Dormitory,

James Potter found me in the library today after Nory's latest torture, tearing my hair out and trying to make sense of the notes and homework I had piled about me and we struck a bargain: he helps me pass Arithmancy and I help him win Lily over.

Not sure this is exactly the moral thing to do and this is probably going to kill all that good karma I got from not killing Rosie over the holidays. But on the other hand Lily seems fond of him so how wrong is it for me to help that blossom into love? And I am desperate.

12, September, 4: 31, Dormitory,

I think I am finally getting this Arithmancy shit. I even think I might have passed today quiz! It's all so exciting! I have also promised to devote Sunday (the day I am NOT spending with his best friend) giving James Lily-catching tips.

I feel so fucking popular.

13, September, 9: 11, Dormitory,

Going to Hogsmead with Sirius today on our "just friends" date. I'm still not sure why I am not in bed with the covers over my head, faking sick. I mean of all the times for my "Gryffindor courage" to kick in now has got to be the worst.

13, September, 8: 45, Dormitory,

I am in WAY over my head.

Sirius and I hooked up on the way out to the train from the Great Hall and while it was a little awkward at first (at least for me, he seemed unaffected) by the end of the short journey to the village we were talking and laughing like the oldest of friends. I had been to Hogsmead before (and in truth had gotten a little bored with it) but it was an entirely new experience with Sirius by my side.

He refreshed his supplies at Zonkos while I stood by laughing and trying to predict what he could possibly want with a gallon of hair-off solution, three packets of disappearing paper and biting teakettle. Afterwards we went to the Shrieking Shack where we had a very peculiar conversation.

Me: I wonder why the violent ghosts haven't attacked any of the villagers or people who come up here yet

Sirius (looking as if he was chewing off his tongue trying not to tell something): Yeah, funny that

Me: What do you know?

Sirius: Know? I know a lot of things but what I don't know which thing you're talking about.

Me: I'm disappointed in you Sirius, usually there's no lie in your eyes but today it's very conspicuous.

I am still very curious but there's a one in a million chance he'll ever tell me so I have decided to shove it to the back of my mind and move on to more productive things.

After the Shrieking Shack the pair of us stopped at the Three Broomsticks and got a few Butterbeers (he paid for mine despite my protestations, just friends indeed, that facade didn't last long) while we played the "would you rather" game.

Sirius had just decided he'd rather be a sneaker instead of a fancy dress shoe and it was his turn to ask the question when he threw me the curve ball. "Would you rather have your heart broken or never love at all?" He asked.

I took a sip of my butterbeer. He was a tricky one that Sirius Black. "This sounds terrible but I think I'd rather not love at all." I answered honestly. "Heart break just sucks."

He nodded. "Spoken like someone whose had their heart broken already."

I looked out the window. Like I was stupid enough to step into that. And when I looked back I had a smile and another question. "Would you rather date a girl who talked about her ex all the time or a girl who called you in the middle of the night to give you an emotional run-down of her day?"

He grimaced. "I guess the hyper emotional one."

That surprised me. I had always pegged Sirius as the kind of guy who didn't care what a girl talked about as long as she did it during her allotted time and slept with him afterwards. But perhaps it's just part of the character he's assumed to seduce me. Or maybe I'm just paranoid. That's the horrible thing about Sirius, he's so tricky and clever he might not even be tricky and clever.

You never know with him.

It was about one o'clock when we left the bar and went to Honeydukes where we each bought a bag full of the most rank things we could find and then went and sat on a picnic table outside to feed the contents to each other. I wouldn't eat the cockroach cluster but I did have a go at the blood pop and the whole handful of mayonnaise flavored Bertie Bot's.

Which would have all been fine except then Sirius popped the cockroach cluster in his mouth and that was when I threw up. I'm happy to report I made I made it to the bathroom of the little restaurant across the street but I am equally unhappy to report that the handicapped one was closest and so Sirius was able to stand in the doorway and try to console me (i.e. stifle his laughter).

"It was really quiet good." He told me as I splashed water on my face and wiped my mouth. "Just the right amount of crunchy and chocolaty."

I glared at him. "You are a very sick person." I informed him as I searched my pockets for the pack of super-charged minty gum I had bought earlier. "And I hope you die alone."

He smirked at me as I pushed past him back to the street. "You know you shouldn't be so scared to try new things." He lectured me as we resettled on the picnic table.

I glared at him. "I am not scared to try new things." I started but then I noticed he was smirking in that horribly infuriating way he does when he's having you on so I changed midway and it came out "I'm not scared... to kick your ass into next week."

After that we mostly wandered about and had a good time just talking, laughing and at some points even singing. I would have been sad to get back on the train back to school except that Sirius kept me laughing so hard I barely noticed.

We had almost an hour away before dinner would be served so we walked up to the common room together and standing at the base of the stairs to the boys and girls dormitories what where it happened. "I had a great time today." He told me with one of his dazzling smiles (que my stomach to begin flip-floping). "Maybe could we hang around together next Saturday?" He asked.

"I'd love to." I agreed smiling and trying not to freak out. "And I had a good time too."

Now I bet you think that's the end but not even close because just as I finished my sentence he leaned down and gave me a really soft kiss on the cheek. It wasn't exactly a declaration of love, in fact it would be hard to construe it as anything but platonic (you know the kind that Chris F. gives me all the time) but still! His lips were soft and warm and I got dizzy and EVERYTHING!

I stood at the bottom of the stairs in shock for a few moments before I came up here to write this.

Resolutions:

1) I will think less about You-Know-Who

2) I will be cool, suave and collected around You-Know-Who

3) I will be nicer to everyone (even Cousin Rosie)

4) I will not complain about Chris F.'s early morning torture sessions

5) I will try to make peace with Chris S. (you know without actually having to admit I'm probably wrong)

AN: Happy late Valentine's day to everyone! Now do me a big Valentine's favor and review, tell all your friends about the story, start a leaflet campaign at your school or community and raise money to buy an ad on your local radio station to tell everyone about the story. Or just review, that's cool too. And stay tuned for the next chapter in which...well you'll see won't you? PS. To answer to a few questions asked by reviewers this is set in the mid to late seventies and having matching socks just means your probably got your act together (unlike the rest of us slobs)


	5. Bitter and Immature

DISCLAIMER: Apparently I'm not cool enough to own totally rad things like Harry Potter or Al Pacino so they're really just on loan (but I do have this awesome huge pot my mom just gave me that you could like cook a small child in and so I'm not a total looser)

14, September, 2: 48, Prefect's Bathroom,

I'm sure you are quiet shocked that I am in the Prefect's Bathroom but before you start flipping out, no the administration at Hogwarts is quiet crazy enough to make ME a Prefect. But they did make Chris S. one and they apparently haven't changed the password since we started fighting.

James Potter is here with me nervously playing with what appears to be a snitch he snitched (god I'm funny) from the Quidditch supplies closet and periodically trying to strike up a conversation with me while we are wait for the final member of our team: Chris F.

It's strange that he's late. Chris F. might be a flirty, capricious, completely bizarre and have the worst possible taste in men but punctuality has never been a problem with him.

14, September, 6: 23, Dormitory,

The Idiot's Guide to Dating Lily Potter:

1) Fight her when you think she's wrong- she really hates phony people

2) The only exception to rule one is on the subject of Quidditch- a little sycophancy in this area just might save you from the most violent verbal thrashing of your life

3) Don't write her poetry- Unless your goddamn sure you're the next William Shakespeare just don't do it

4) Be confidant- this works any girl

5) Don't be an arrogant, stuck up, self centered prick- no girl cares how many ex girlfriends you've had, wants to hear exactly how cool you are five thousand millions times or how ripped you are (especially if you aren't) so just shut up and let her talk a little bit

6) Frank Sinatra gets her in the mood- you don't even want to know how I know this

7) Kiss her like she kisses you- all girls kiss the way they want to be kissed so just mimic her and you'll be in like a dirty shirt

8) Always handle her like you would a sleeping baby or an armed nuclear bomb

James was really hesitant to let Chris F. (who he had never met before) anywhere near his head with scissors but eventually I wore him down with pleading and a fair number of assurances I signed in blood and submitted in triplicate. Chris F. was I guess what you could call my stylist, he had been cutting my hair and going shopping with me for years (ironically enough he is the only "girlie" member of our group) and I felt confident that he would cut James' hair superbly.

While they were doing the hair thing I set about ripping James' jeans in that "artfully grungy" way they do in muggle designer stores. And then we pierced his ear. I was actually impressed with James' cool handling of the ear piercing, I had done half of my girlfriend's myself and the others dragged me to the shop with them, and everyone of them made a way bigger fuss then James.

James had been fairly attractive before but now it was more then that. Obviously he wasn't half a completely sexy as his best friend but he certainly had his own sort of charm. He stared into the mirror for a few moments after we were all done but finally decided he really liked the change.

"I can't believe I let you guys cut my hair." He told me running his fingers through his thick black mane (slightly tamer now since the haircut).

I shrugged. "Me either."

"But it looks great." He assured Chris F.

"Of course it does." Chris F snorted.

And then we taught him how to dance. I thought it was strange, teaching him how to dance even though we were grunging him up but Chris F. assured me that "dancing is the ultimate test of impeccable taste." The things you learn from gay men.

When I was very young my mother tried to teach me to dance (before she realized I was just a natural fuck up) and while I never really took to it well I knew enough to follow even a weak partner. And Chris F. knows how to dance like I know how to... I dunno, be stubborn I guess. So between the two of us when we finally quit James was doing all right. Though probably a little disturbed as Chris F. kept grabbing his hips and telling him to "loosen up" (flirty tart).

"You don't think it'll be a bit obvious that you're helping me do you?" James asked afterwards as we sat strewn about the bathroom enjoying the sweets James had sneaked us from the kitchen.

I shrugged. "Well Lily won't confront me even if she does realize I'm in league with you."

"How do you know?" James asked.

"She can't because I've never confronted her about her fraternizing with you and until that's officially out in the open she'd never risk blurting it while accusing me." I explained.

He nodded. "What ever you say."

15, September, 8:59, Dormitory,

"I hate the place." Lily said sitting down next to me at dinner.

"Lots of homework?" I asked.

"That's just the start. Snape is being an even bigger prat then usual, Professor Demer is becoming more blatant in his favoritism and J..." She stopped short, blushing furiously.

"And what?" I prompted as I tried to recall that last time Lily Evans had blushed.

"And nothing. I think were in dereliction of duty by not torching this place."

It is very obvious that she was going to say something about James before she stopped. Cannot possibly guess what but have resolved to ask him about it straight away in the morning. I hope it was something like 'and James is looking so good I can hardly keep my hands off him.' I smirked. "Hey I suggested in the first year that we burn this mother to the ground."

"That was during finals week and you didn't actually hate the school, you just didn't want to take the Transfiguration final because one of the second years told us that more then half of his year had flunked with less then a fifty percent." She pointed out.

"So what?" I said.

She shook her head and dug into her mashed potatoes.

In other news I tried to talk to Chris S. only to be brutally shot down and laughed at in a tag team effort by her and the new crowd of people she's taken to hanging out with (my Cousin Rosie's crowd to be exact). The course of retaliation is clear: I will snitch her Charms homework while she is asleep and throw it in the fire, nothing could possibly get under her skin more then being unprepared.

16, September, 2: 47, Charms,

All right, all right, taking Chris S.'s homework and destroying it was juvenile and I even regret it now. Partly because she looked so upset when she couldn't find it and partly because of the vicious evil eye she gave me. How she knows it was me I don't know but I'm guess she's either psychic or she has realized that I am a) immature and b) mad at her (therefore a prime suspect).

In other news James said Lily has been showing early signs of a fatal crush on him so that's good. She's even agreed to go to Hogsmead with him next weekend. I considered asking James how they were getting there since there was no official trip scheduled but didn't bother, he'd never tell me.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that his best friend might, if pressured in the appropriate manner.

19, September, 4:31, Common room,

All right I wasn't planning on interrogating Sirius on James' methods of getting to Hogsmead for a while (until I really needed to know) but that was before Chris S. got you confiscated by telling Professor Nory that I was using you to cheat on his quizzes.

I had to write a letter of apology, read it to the class, promise to keep you in my bag at all times during any sort of test, accept five hours of detention and zeros on all the quizzes I had been passing recently to get you back. And now Professor Nor keeps giving me this sort of remorseful look and staring at me during quizzes. So now I need to sneak into Hogsmead and purchase my tools of vengeance.

This means war (and that I will have to work super hard in Arithmancy if I want to get my grade back up to passing). I am pulling out all the stops and stooping to her level to exact my revenge. By the time I get done with her she's going to wish she'd never even met me.

20, September, 10: 08, Common room,

I was sitting the library tonight when who should approach me but Sirius Black. He sat down next to me and waited for me to look up from my Arithmancy homework. "Yeah?" I asked after a moment.

"I need a favor." He said bluntly. "Or possibly two."

"All right, what favor, or favors?" I asked, setting down my book.

"The first, and smaller of the two favors is that I need you to plant the idea in your cousin's head that I have a girlfriend, like a real one." He said.

"Define a 'real' girlfriend." I smirked.

"You know one that I love." He explained, looking more uncomfortable with this idea then I had ever seen him.

I kicked back in my chair so it was on only two legs, enjoying his agitation. "All right, that's not a problem." I agreed. "But what pray tell, is favor number two?"

"Well James told me you're a pretty good dancer and one of my friends is taking me to a bar tomorrow night in this muggle village and you know since your a muggle born and we're both wizards... well I thought maybe you could come with." He looked calmer now, relaxed, in his element. "You know keep us from doing anything stupid, or at least keep us from doing anything life-threatening."

I played it cool. "I don't know, I was planning to study my Arithmancy that night and I don't know if I should skip that to be groped by a bunch of men in a bar." It was a total ruse; I wasn't dumb enough to turn down an offer like that but I didn't want to accept right away, I needed something from him too.

To my eternal vexation that just seemed to amuse him rather then freak him out. He propped his feet up on the library table. "You're trying to tell me you're going to stay here on a Saturday night to study instead of going out? I've known you for less then a month and I know you better then that." He smirked.

Time for a subject change. "You know how to get into Hogsmead don't you." I accused suddenly rocking my chair back to its normal position and staring at him intently.

He didn't bother to bull shit me. "Yes I do." He said.

"Take me tomorrow and I'll go." I promised.

He nodded agreement, though in truth I would have gone anyway and we both knew it. I hate being a push over. "Why do you need to get to Hogsmead so urgently?" He asked.

"I'm waging war and I need supplies." I told him simply.

"Dare I ask on whom?" He said delicately.

"Chris S." I told him.

"I thought you two were friends." He said, taken aback.

"We were but we had a falling out and then completely out of the blue she goes and gets my journal confiscated by telling Professor Nory that I was using it to cheat." I said. "WHICH I WASN'T"

"Never said you were." He held up his hands in a universal surrender. "And that sounds like a worthy cause to me. Would you like my professional assistance?" He offered.

"Sure." I agreed. You can never have to many accomplices. Unless of course they rat you out and then consolidate each other's stories in which case you're screwed. Must dig up a deep dark secret of Sirius' to blackmail him with just in case he thinks of going to the authorities.

Shopping list of the Bitter and Immature:

1) Fillibuster's fireworks

2) Dung bombs

3) Do it yourself chaos kit (Deluxe- including the super thick gloves, twice the amount of ever-stain, and the free gift with purchase of a super fast mold growth agent)

4) More of that nail polish that changes colors (more to do with recreation then revenge)

21, September, 7: 51, Common room,

Confucius said that the best way to teach is through example, Siddhartha said what goes around comes around and my mother said that I should grow up and stop acting like a bloody two year old but in a single act I have thrown all that good advice out the window.

I have put a large stain on Chris S.'s favorite shirt, grown mold all over her pillow, hid some fireworks rigged to explode in her trunk, and a dungbomb in her book bag. I even considered dying Albert, her stupid bloody annoying owl, a bright pink but couldn't bring myself to do it. Besides it's a little dangerous to get to near Albert, especially if (an example being yours truly) he doesn't really like you.

I gave the products we didn't use to Sirius to put "somewhere safe" AKA, somewhere I'm not cleared to know about but he promised to fetch them if I ever needed them again.

And then we went to the Astronomy tower and feasted on the food we brought back. Generally the Astronomy tower is reserved for couples (coming to make out) and classes (not coming to make out) and it felt a little weird just being up there and not kissing or at least listening to a lecture.

"I feel a little bad." I admitted. "I mean Chris is really going to hate me after this."

He nodded. "Maybe but that's life right? And if you're going to loose a friend you might as well have fun doing it." He smiled and the bottom dropped out of my stomach.

"I guess that's true." I agreed. "But it would be a little callus of me not to feel at all bad."

He smiled, not his smirk or even his animated, happy smile, but a sort of self-mocking and slightly regretful thing. "Maybe you're just a better person then me."

There is nothing you can say to something like that so I changed the subject. "So what kind of club is this?" I asked. "I mean I don't want to show up over or under dressed."

"It's punk. That's why we're going, The Afterlives are playing tonight and they're supposed to be really good." He replied, looking so normal now it was hard to believe how morose he had looked just seconds before. "The other reason I invited you."

I nodded and then realized that he had never seen me in almost anything other then my school uniform and we'd never discussed music. "Wait. How did you know I like punk?" I asked.

"Rosie and I hung out in your room that morning you had to go to the hospital. It was a little obvious." He explained. Yes all the posters and stickers would have been a dead give away.

"Oh yeah?" I smirked. "And pray tell, did dear Cousin Rosie happen voice her opinion of my room and me in general?" I asked toying with the edge of my shirt.

"Well at first she kept telling me how you always were the weird one of the family and how she always wondered if you were really adopted but then when I wanted to listen to your records the story got a little different." He told me. "Those muggle records are surprisingly good, I especially liked the ones by The Sex Pistols."

"She let you listen to my records?" I demanded.

He shrugged. "Yeah why?"

"Did either of you touch any of them?" I leapt to my feet.

"Both of us did I think." He looked confused.

I sank back to my seat. "Those are sacred and she knows it. I told her the first day she arrived that the only rules were don't touch my recordings and don't be annoying so apparently that's a big fat zero for her on the rule following." I said meanly. He snorted in laughter at that.

"This isn't funny." I informed him, getting up. "I am going to have to have to go over every single one of my records and tapes to make sure you guys didn't scratch them. See you in the common room around eight?" I was halfway down the winding stair.

"All right but I don't think we scratched any of them." Sirius called after me.

And he was right, a very close inspection of every one of them revealed no scratch. Well I'd better be off if I'm even going to be fashionably late.

AN: All right, first and foremost REVIEW! Feed back is my drug of choice and more feed back equals more story! Secondly to answer a few questions I have composed a list, please peruse it if you posed a question in your review.

A Few Answers:

1) The only diary formatted book I have ever read was the Princess Diaries which I found cute enough and even funny at some moments (and humiliating as my six year old niece had me read them to her aloud and sometimes I was laughing harder then she was- I can only surmise that she wasn't old enough to get the jokes...or possibly that I haven't matured past six). Perhaps I will read The Confessions of Georgia Nicholson and/or All American Girl to my niece next time she visits

2) Al Pacino is considered by some knowledgeable sources (me) to be the greatest actor of all time. He starred in the Godfather which received I believe several academy awards (the one I make reference to in chapter 1 which was in fact released in the seventies) and Scarface, THE definitive drug lord movie. He has delivered such famous/infamous lines such as "say hello to my little friend," "just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in," "the world and everything in it," and my personal favorite, "make him an offer he can't refuse."

3) A special thanks to Caranardaiel for linking me to her profile


	6. Silence is golden

Disclaimer: Unless JK Rowling dies and wills the rights to Harry Potter to me (a strange thing for her to do considering she's never met me) I don't think I'll ever own them.  
  
22, September, 12: 38, Commonroom,  
  
Romp to the bar with Sirius turned out to be more fun then I had anticipated. We did almost get caught by the fuzz (I have decided to revive this word) during our sneak out to the Quidditch supply closet to snitch some brooms (apparently you can't disapparate on Hogwart's grounds) but other then that there were no moments when I second guessed my decision to go.  
Remus Lupin, the third member of our party, turned out to be one of the most likable people I have ever met and the music was great too. Sirius and I even danced a few times and he was actually a pretty good partner. He didn't smell or try to grope me or anything and he danced well.  
But life of course couldn't be all good: Chris S. has been very quiet which is the worst sign ever. I mean the only possible reason she isn't throwing a complete hissy fit is that she's out plotting a very painful and humiliating revenge for yours truly.  
It's the calm before the storm, the deep breath before the plunge, , the silence before the guillotine falls. And it's scaring me shitless. Or maybe I'm so scared because I can no long pass Sirius off as just a silly physical attraction.  
I mean as a general rule people are more interesting before they open their mouth because before that they could be anyone or completely perfect but not so with Sirius. In fact I like him more then I did before: not a good sign, especially since he just wants into my pants.  
  
22, September, 7: 31, Dormitory,  
  
Lily and I played a word association game she got out of one of some terminally geeky muggle science magazine. The rules were you were supposed to say the first thing that came to your mind when you looked at certain words. It went a little something like this:  
  
Play....Game  
  
The Holocaust...Swastika  
  
Revenge...Knife  
  
Sausage...Aliens  
  
"What?" Lily said.  
"Sausage sounds like saucer to me." I said.  
"You are really weird." Lily said.  
  
Scotland...Bagpipes  
  
True...False  
  
Friend...Lilly  
  
Lily broke in here to tell me how flattered she was. "No, actually I meant like Lilly the flower." I told her and she beaned me on the head with a pillow.  
  
The Great Depression...Ice Cream  
  
Black...White  
  
Lover...Hover  
  
Unfortunately none of my answers really fit well with any of their suggestions so Lily took it into her own capable hands and pronounced me obsessive compulsive with a side dish of mild paranoia. "You've already told me that." I said. "And I wish you'd stop reading psychology books."  
And then we nicked all Emma's back issues of Teen Witch and read aloud to each other the ways to improve your kissing expertise.  
  
23, September, 12: 12, Dormitory,  
  
Every summer since before I can remember my parents have haul me out to the country to see my grandmother. Cousin Rosie, Aunt Cathy, Aunt Margaret and Uncle Harry were always there as well so there was never much to do, except when Uncle Paul came.  
Paul was with out a doubt my favorite uncle, probably because of our tacit understanding that as the oddballs of the family we had to either stick together or conform. We used to lay out on the roof with the skylight open and the old hi-fi on down below and listen to his Jimi Hendrix records.  
  
Purple Haze all around  
Don't know if I'm comin' up or down  
Am I happy or in misery?  
What ever it is, that girl put a spell on me  
  
That song was one of my favorites even when I was too little to understand the meaning of the words. I loved the feeling, the melody, the story behind them. But then when I was about seven years old he stopped coming. It was a devastating blow at the time when I thought he must have abandoned me because no one would tell me why he left.  
But then one summer, I don't remember which but I must have been about eight, I was laying on the roof wishing he were with me when my eye was caught by a shoebox hidden behind the chimney and sheltered by an eve.  
I hastily freed it from where it had been secured with some twine and lifted the lid. In it was a note from my uncle, explaining how he had quarreled with my grandmother, he wasn't going to call because my mother had asked him not to and didn't know when he'd see me again. Beneath the faded note was my favorite Jefferson Starship tape and three sticks of my Wiggley's, my favorite ever gum.  
Slowly I lifted the precious things out, smiling brightly. On the bottom of the box in my uncles elegant handwriting was written this:  
  
'Cause I've got my own world to live through and uh, huh  
And I ain't gonna copy you.  
  
White collar conservative flashin' down the street  
Pointin' their plastic finger at me, ha !  
They're hopin' soon my kind will drop and die but uh  
I'm gonna wave my freak flag high, high !  
  
I think that was the beginning of the end for me and my parents.  
  
23, September, 2: 56, Commonroom,  
  
So I was in the library doing my Arithmancy homework when I suddenly became aware of the conversation going on behind me between my cousin and one of her girlfriends (not Chris S.). "Don't you like totally think that Sirius is soooo cuuute?" Her friend said. For some reason I got the feeling she wasn't a Ravenclaw like Rosie.  
I couldn't help my self I snorted loudly. "Like totally." I said just loud enough for them to hear.  
"What was that Emily?" Rosie whirled around to face me. I noticed she didn't call me cousin in front of her friends like she did in front of mine.  
I looked up from my endless list of figures. "Nothing, I didn't say anything." I lied.  
Rosie looked like she might slit my throat at any moment. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to join our conversation? I heard you two looked pretty cozy at Hogsmead." It sounded like an accusation.  
"Please, Sirius and I are just friends." I told her. "He has a girlfriend." I lied.  
She more interested at that but somehow not less murderous. "And who might that be?" She asked, a quiet sort of venom lacing her voice.  
"I've never met her, she doesn't go to Hogwarts." I said simply.  
"Oh? She doesn't go to Hogwarts?" Rosie sounded incredulous. "And what pray tell is her name?"  
I felt the bottom drop out of my stomach. I was a practiced liar but I couldn't' make up names on the spot. "Hmmmm...Hannawa." I choked out. Hannawa? What kind of car wreak in my mind could have produced that?  
"Hannawa?" Rosie said triumphantly.  
"Mmmm." I said nodding my head. "Hannawa."  
"She sounds like a lovely girl." Rosie said sarcastically.  
"Apparently she is, they're quiet in love you know."  
I think my intelligence might be broken.  
Hannawa indeed.  
  
24, September, 5: 58, Commonroom,  
  
There is this big pain just below my shoulder blade. It sort of feels like some put a BUTCHER KNIFE THERE! First Chris S. turned traitor and now the other one is at it too! Do you have any idea what I just caught the little wanker doing?  
SNOGGING!  
That's right snogging! No one tells me ANYTHING anymore!  
See I was walking back from my extended tutorial with James, or actually hobbling because I had to pee so badly when I spotted Moaning Myrtle's toilette and decided that I'd rather deal with her then have to go back the common room after wetting my pants.  
I had just finished up when the door opened. I quickly pulled my feet up onto the toilette (a habit left over from the summer I read every single Nancy Drew book in the library) and was very still. I knew what was happening because they were both giggling and then a few seconds later there was that horrifying smacking noise of two lips.  
Normally I would have just stayed like that, to embarrassed to emerge but all of the sudden I realized that I knew one of those giggles. I charged from the cubicle! "CHRISTOPHER LOUIS FARIUS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I roared stopping them dead in their tracks.  
They both looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train. And that was when I recognized the other bloke: Kevin Knowell! That was also the moment I realized what, exactly, I had done and fled from the bathroom.  
  
I need to stop thinking about this. More later.  
  
24, September, 8: 54, Commornroom,  
  
Chris and I just walked around the lake for almost three hours. It was me who wanted to go out there. I hate fighting in front of people. "I thought you were okay with my being queer." He said quietly when we were out by the farthest end and well out of ear shot.  
I scrunched up my face. "I'm not mad about that. Shag whoever you want Chris, but I do wish you'd told me about it. I thought you trusted me." I explained.  
He sighed deeply, looking more serious and more stressed then I had ever thought possible. "I know, it's been killing me not to tell you and Lil about us but Kevin asked me not to. I'm out of the closet but he isn't and his parents aren't like mine. They actually considered kicking him out of the house for being put in Ravenclaw and not Slytherin." He said. "But if it's any consolation I'm sorry."  
Well that made me feel like complete shit. "No it's okay Chris, I'm the one who should be apologizing. I freaked out about this but I'm sorry all right?" I apologized.  
"Thanks Em." He looked so happy as he swept me up into a hug.  
"Yeah get off of me." I said playfully shoving him away. "Now tell me everything." For some reason as Chris F. related his story to me (they had been going out for almost two years!) I felt like some weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  
I sort of want to confront Lily about James Potter.  
  
My Way:  
1) Omerta= always a good idea  
2) Never date a woman with more then one cats  
3) Always kill the scientists  
4) Nazis always make a movie just that much cooler  
  
25, September, 11: 21, Transfiguration,  
  
I passed Lily this note in Potions (Gryffindor courage my ass, I was to cowardly to ask her in person. I swear I'm like one of those people who breaks up on the phone, I hate those people!)  
  
Me: Do you fancy James Potter?  
Lily: I think so  
Me: What do you mean you think so?  
Lily: I mean I'm not sure. I always thought he was a stupid prat but lately he's been acting nicer and I dunno, he doesn't seem to annoy me like every other boy (except of course for Chris F.) on the face of the planet does.  
Me: Why didn't you tell me this?  
Lily: I told you, I'm not even really sure I like him yet. Besides I was a little embarrassed, you know, after spending all those years complaining to you about him. Will you forgive me?  
  
Me: Will you name your first born child after me?  
Lily: What if it's a boy?  
Me: Then name it Emmeric  
Lily: No  
Me: Please?  
Lily: Docent' that violate some provision of the Geneva Convention? I could be tried for crimes against humanity!  
Me: All right I'll forgive you anyway. But don't ever do it again all right!  
Lily: Yes ma'am... So you're really okay with this?  
Me: Yeah, sure, James is nice. He's been helping me out with my Arithmancy homework, I'd love for you two to get together. Just tell me every little detail from now on.  
  
And then Lily drew a picture of Professor Demer with his head on fire, which unfortunately he confiscated while I was in possession of it and made me stay after class. I though he was maybe going to eat me alive or decapitate me and put my heads on pikes to warn the other students but instead he gave me detention.  
What sort of spiteful deity must be watching over my life.  
  
25, September, 3: 51, Arithmancy  
  
Life is so much shit. I passed the quiz Professor Nor handed back today but only with a seventy two which isn't going to bring my grade up much and worst of all I promised to meet with Kevin Knowell and Chris F. today. I can just see it now. 'Oh hey Kevin, yeah that was me the screaming freak girl who ran out of the bathroom' or 'No I can't say I've ever slashed my wrists just to see how much it bleeds but I'll take your word for it.'  
  
Things I hope I never hear:  
1) "You seriously didn't know that was poisonous?"  
2) "I'm sorry but your mother and I have decided to sell you to Nike as slave labor."  
3) "Umm I think that stuff you're standing in is sewage."  
4) "Uhhh, no, if the strips turn pink that means you ARE pregnant."  
5) "Did I mention I have the Ebola Virus?"  
  
AN: Revies=more story=more revies=more story...you get the picture, it's all just a big loop. Kind of like the circle of life but less demented. 


	7. In Which a Lot of Things Get Broken

Disclaimer: Here's a riddle for all of you: What is cool and not owned by Priss? Answer: Well a lot of things but Harry Potter was really what we were looking for  
  
25, September, 7: 31, Dormitory,  
  
The visit with Kevin and Chris F. wasn't so bad, in fact I actually had fun. Around Chris, Kevin is a totally different person. He's actually pretty funny and they both seem so happy just to be around each other its hard to be anything but happy yourself.  
I am so fucking jealous.  
But they were actually very polite about being affectionate around me, Kevin even went so far as to ask if I was comfortable watching them kiss before he let Chris just peck him. "Look Kevin, it's like this. I don't mind watching you two kiss any more then I mind watching a guy and a girl kiss all right? But just try not to do it so long I start trying to remember all the organelles in a eukariotic cell okay?"  
"Organelles? Eukariotic cell?" He asked looking miffed. I had forgotten that magic born kids didn't have to learn all that shit.  
"Don't worry about it." I told him. "Just try to keep it Pg and not Pg-13."  
"What?" He looked more confused.  
"Under five seconds." I clarified.  
Chris, damn him, was snickering at us by this point. "Just give up on it Kevin and start trying to guess what the hell she's babbling about." He advised his boyfriend.  
"What exactly are you insinuating Chris Farius?" I demanded.  
"Nothing luv, just that you are far to deeply submersed in muggle culture to ever be anything more then a misfit." He explained.  
I took offense. "I am not." I denied.  
He shook his head. "I wasn't insulting you. Everyone I've ever met thinks it's endearing but you do think in muggle terms, you listen to muggle music, you watch muggle movies and it still freaks you out when the pictures move." He ticked off against his fingers.  
"What's wrong with that?" I asked, a little hurt to tell the truth.  
"Nothing at all." He looked exasperated. "It's just hard to understand the full implications of everything you're saying if you're of magical descent."  
I'm not sure how I feel about that but Chris had said it was endearing.  
Walking back to the commonroom Chris told me that Kevin spent every summer until he was ten in France so he can speak French fluently. And sometimes just out of habit he whispers things in French while they're kissing. I said if they got anymore sickeningly sweet I'd hex them both into next week but internally I was picturing what Sirius would sound like speaking French.  
  
26, September, 11. 26, Transfiguration,  
  
It's so strange to have a secret from Lily. I don't know if I can keep this thing about Chris F. and Kevin to myself. I mean I've always told Lily EVERYTHING. I'm not kidding! She knew I started my period before my own mother did! But I promised Chris F. and Kevin to keep it a secret! DAMN ME!  
In other news my uniform is absa-fucking-lutly stifling! We're getting some sort of freakish weather and for some reason it's practically hot around the grounds. So weird considering it's September.  
  
Things that Make a Movie Awesome:  
1) Nazis  
2) Pirates  
3) Sean Conery  
4) Ninjas  
5) Assassins  
6) Machine Guns  
  
(please that note that as these things compile they do so exponentially, for example, if you could somehow work in a Nazi ninja pirate assassin with a machine gun played by Sean Conery the movie would totally be worth five stars even if he just walked across the screen once)  
  
26, September, 12: 38, Great Hall,  
  
I found this note addressed to me in my bag which I can only assume Sirius slipped me during Transfiguration.  
  
Emily, Meet me in the commonroom at Midnight tonight. Sirius  
Perfect, now I have all day to wonder what that boy is going to pull this time.  
  
Possible Things Sirius is Going to Pull:  
1) Try to seduce me (I wish...sort of)  
2) Take me to another club  
3) Pull some nasty prank on me  
4) Try to sacrifice me to the Demon Lord Bearson (hey, I am a virgin after all!)  
  
27, 1: 39, Dormitory,  
  
I had a fabulous time last night.  
I admit I did enter the common room with a little caution but to my surprise there were no tricks. He even looked a little relieved that I had showed up. "Is this going to be a bad surprise?" I asked him bluntly.  
He chuckled. "No Emily. You'll like it."  
"Promise?" I pressed.  
"Promise." He assured.  
"What's in the bag?" I asked as we jogged downstairs. He was dressed strangely, I don't think I'd ever seen him in shorts but now he had on a pair that feel just below the knees and a loose white shirt. And over his shoulder was a simple canvas bag. I was also dressed in shorts (fucking weather) and a comfortable black tank top with my hair up in a surprisingly neat ponytail.  
"You'll find out soon." He promised as we turned into what seemed like a perfectly solid wall and were somehow outside on the grounds. In front of us the lake glimmered a beautiful silver in the moon light. It was a perfect (and romantic) night. Not to hot, not to cold and a lovely breeze was stirring the air.  
I got a little nervous when we headed strait for the forbidden forest but I bit my tongue, I trusted Sirius (sort of) and I didn't want him to think me cowardly. But I was not to have to prove my trust in his judgment (or my foolishness) because when we got to the beach of the lake he kicked off his shoes, pulled his shirt over his head and waded in.  
I stared at him (and not even just because his abs were really nice). "What are you doing?"  
"Come on in the waters fine." He gestured.  
"Uh... have you forgotten that this particular lake is inhabited by a HUGE MAN-EATING SQUID!" I reminded him in a harsh whisper, though I had never actually heard of the squid eating anybody. "Or are you just STUPID!"  
  
"Oh him. He's a pussy cat. James and I have done this before I promise." He told me. "Or are you just too scared?" He splashed some water in my direction.  
I knew he was just trying to get to me but I let it work anyway. I was scared of that water (que the theme from Jaws to begin playing in my head) and its easier to do scary things when you're mad. I kicked my shoes off and pulled my hair out of it's pony tail. "Scared my ass.." I said wading in.  
The water was chilly but somehow deliciously refreshing and I swam out to where he was treading water with determined, even strokes. "A true daughter of Gryffindor." He saluted me.  
That made me feel nice. "Someday I'm going to make you watch the muggle movie Jaws and then you'll never get in this water ever again." I promised as we treaded water together.  
I felt something brush by my leg. I almost leaped out of my skin but instead I held perfectly still. "Did you feel that?" I asked in a tiny voice.  
"Something slipped by your leg too." Sirius asked quietly.  
"I knew this was a bad idea." I was so scared at that point I could barely breathe. "Ok on three we'll both swim for the shore..." I trailed off as I realized that Sirius was practically bursting a blood vessel in his fucking brain to keep from laughing.  
I kicked him in the shins. "I fucking hate you." I said trying to push him under.  
But he was too strong and instead I was the one who got dunked (which really wasn't fair, I mean, he kind of owed me a cheap shot after that stupid trick). We wrestled in the water until we were both worn out and had to swim for the shore. "You know, you're my favorite girl in the world." He said as we lay side by side stomach up on a large, flat rock.  
I laughed. "And I haven't even let you do the job on me."  
He didn't try to deny his reputation or anything but he did seem a little saddened by my remark even if all he did was shrug. "Not that it wouldn't be nice and all Emily, but I'd rather have you as a friend anyway." He said flicking me in the nose.  
"What are you talking about?" I asked. Maybe he held me underwater a little to long or something because I had never before felt compelled to this kind of bluntness but now these questions were rolling off my tongue almost without my own consent.  
"You claim you are a lesbian right?" I nodded vigorously at this point. "Well then you've probably never had sex with a woman and so you don't know that sex changes everything." He explained. "And I wouldn't want you to change for anything."  
It was possibly the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me and it should have kicked the cheesy line radar into red alert but he looked right at me and said it with such sincerity a little shiver ran over my whole body. "Me either." I only half joked. "And I'd rather have you as just a friend too."  
And the funny thing is, I meant it.  
  
27, September, 2: 31, Dormitory,  
  
Lily asked me today at lunch if I wanted to come out to the Quidditch Pitch with James and her and try flying on James' new racing broom tomorrow. "Are you crazy?" I asked. "Do you even remember what happened the last time I was on one of those flying death traps?"  
"That was in the first year mandatory class." She rolled her eyes.  
"Yeah! And I sucked so badly that they concluded that I didn't have to do that class anymore. Might I remind you that I was the only person in history to have that acceptation made for them?" I said.  
"Come on, I'm sure you'll do better this time." She assured me. "Besides if you can ride behind me and that way you won't have to steer or anything."  
"Do better? I'm a fucking acrophobic Lily!" I half yelled. "Remember when my parents took me to New York that one summer? And remember how I never told you I peed my pants when they took me up into the Empire States building?"  
She snickered. "You peed your pants?" Then seeing my face she repeated only this time in a concerned tone. "You peed your pants." She said solemnly.  
"Yes." I said shortly.  
"Come on Emmy....just do this for me ok? I already told James you were coming. Besides if you don't it'll be like a real date or something." She explained. I rolled my eyes. Lily Evans scared of something as ordinary as a date. All I can say is she better not laugh at me next time I flip shit about something stupid. "Please Emmy, please come." She begged, jerking on my arm.  
"You're a Jimmy Page short of Led Zeppelin you know that?" I told her.  
She shrugged. "But you love me right?"  
"But I love you." I conceded.  
"And you'll come with me flying?"  
"And I'll come with you flying."  
  
27, September, 8: 12, Hospital Wing,  
  
Today I learned that the protection charm I bought in one of those hokey faux pagan stores doesn't work. And you want to know how I found this out? Trial and fucking error that's how. So the day started out all right I guess, the oatmeal wasn't as disgusting as usual, but that was like the last good moment of the day.  
For extra good luck or whatever I wore my Sex Pistol panties, the protection charm I told you about earlier and my very favorite pair of jeans that I've had since like the ninth grade and are held together with threads and a little love. So I was feeling pretty confidant but when I got out to the pitch I discovered that James was not alone.  
No, standing right behind him looking completely sexy in muggle jeans and a tight white T-shirt (my mouth was actually watering he looked so fucking fine) was Sirius Black. Great, the more people to witness my intense humiliation the better really. Why don't we go get for Cousin Rosie and Chris S, I bet they'd love to come watch this. "Hey." He greeted us.  
Lily went up first while the two boys and I sat up against one of the stands listening to James make up things he did on that broom and in my case try not be caught staring at Sirius. "Is this a good sign that she brought you?" James asked as we watched Lily zip back and forth, shrieking with delight.  
I shrugged. "Yeah probably. Lily likes being single a lot, it's part of her take-no-shit persona, so even agreeing to do this is a stretch for her. I'm just along so she can claim it wasn't a date." I explained flicking my hair back over my shoulders.  
It was nice sitting propped up against the tall wooden structure with them. I felt strangely cool, sitting between the two most popular boys in school and just chatting. A feeling which deserted me instantly as soon as Lily touched down. "Come on, your turn Ems. Get on behind me." Lily pointed at me.  
I thought about trying to wheedle my way out of this but I decided not to. I was actually kind of curious to see if I was still terrified of heights. Besides, I thought, it's healthy to face your fears right? How stupid was I.  
"You two had better come to my funeral." I told Sirius and James as I straddled the hateful thing.  
I pressed my face against Lily's back, closed my eyes and held onto her waist so tightly I was probably crushing her ribs but she deserved it for making me do this. I felt the kick off, that bizarre feeling that my stomach was still trying to catch up and the wind whipping my face and it really wasn't so bad, almost pleasant. But then I decided that it might be fun to enjoy the view.  
I looked down and my mind froze, my hands loosened on Lily's waist and vertigo took me. I remember falling and the vague idea that it was going to hurt a lot when I hit but I think I must have blacked out before I actually hit. The next thing I knew I was in the hospital wing with Madame Pomfrey leaning over me. "Oh good, you're awake. You took a nasty tumble." She said without emotion.  
I looked down and found that the "nasty tumble" had created a new joint in my forearm. The skin hadn't been punctured or anything but I could see the bone poking up against it. I was felt strangely indifferent about that. "Is my arm going to heal properly." I asked coolly.  
"You'll have to stay the night." She informed me.  
"Okay." I said serenely. I was a fucking Zen Master.  
"But nothing to worry about. I'll have you right as rain in a jiffy." She felt my arm with her fingers (boy did that hurt) and then with a flick of her wand the strangest sensation took me. I could feel the bones slide over each other as they began to reknitt and the muscles too.  
Sirius, Lily and James were all admitted in as soon as the primary healing was finished. "Oh Emily. I thought you were dead when you hit the ground." Lily said and when she leaned down to give me a hug I could see the dry tear tracks on her cheeks. "I'm never letting you near a broom again."  
"What happened?" James asked.  
"I looked down." I explained. "Fucking vertigo."  
"I didn't know you had vertigo." Sirius said.  
"Good. That probably means you've forgotten about the time I threw up on Madame Hooch when we had to learn to fly in the first year." I said, sitting up and rolling my arm around in its socket. It hurt but only because it was sore.  
James began to laugh. "I'd completely forgotten about that."  
"Glad you think its funny." I glared at him.  
We sat in silence for a few moments. They all seemed to be assuring themselves that I was alive and apart from a broken arm still my usual enchanting self. It made me feel nice that such a thing could give the three of them such a scare.  
The three of them left a little while ago for dinner, after a rousing game of monopoly that I won only because I was the banker and it's always easier to embezzle funds then it is to steal them. Honestly, I haven't seen that much cheating since I played Uncle Paul at Scrabble when I was to young to know that Xjaqha wasn't a real word. Fucking amoral the whole lot of us.  
But at least they weren't sore enough about loosing not to promising to bring me up generous portions from the great hall (the food in the hospital always tastes a little like Madame Pomfrey laced it with something healthy.)  
  
28, September, 3: 29, Arithmancy,  
  
To every gray cloud there is a silver lining. By telling Madame Pomfrey my arm hurt a little still this morning I was able to avoid History of Magic and Potions but still be released from the Hospital wing in time for lunch. I rule.  
  
28, September, 9: 29, Dormitory  
  
I think my head might just explode.  
I was walking back from the detention Professor Dermer assigned me for that picture Lily drew of his head on fire. He had assigned me detention helping Professor Sprout squeeze the pus out of Boobotubers (eww) and so I had a way to walk back from Greenhouse three.  
So there I was, walking along all by myself with my head in the goddamn clouds when all of the sudden I ran into Sirius. Literally. Papers and books went flying everywhere and I myself was knocked to the floor but luckily for me he was too so I didn't feel like such a loser. "Oh hello Sirius." I greeted him sardonically, pressing myself up onto my elbows.  
"Well I've been meaning to run into you Emily but that wasn't exactly what I had in mind." He snorted, beginning to help me pick up my books. "What are you doing down this way?" He asked.  
"Detention." I grumbled. "How about you?"  
"Well that's really none of your business young lady but I wouldn't go that way if I were you. I for one, wouldn't want to be around when the Professor Dermer finds it." He smirked. "And the stench might be a little intense." He warned.  
I rolled my eyes. I would have bet all the money in the world that he had let loose another dozen dung bombs in Dermer's office. "Well which route do you suggest I take then?" I asked, sitting up so my legs were tucked to one side of me.  
But he never answered, because that was when the worst thing in the world happened: Sirius Black picked you up. And worse then that! You were open to August thirtieth, which in case you don't remember was the date I listed the ten sexiest men ever.  
AND HE WAS NUMBER TWO!  
"You think I'm sexy at its best?" He asked gleefully.  
"What?" I asked, still picking my books off the floor. So young, so innocent, so unprepared for what came next.  
"2) Sirius Black- just take my word for it, he is sexy at its best" He quoted at me.  
I looked up and for a second I was fine, dismissing this as just too embarrassing to actually be happening, but then I processed what he was saying and my heart stood still for a whole minute. My mouth dropped open and I could feel my face turn magenta (so much for denying it).  
If I could have evaporated and reassembled in Siberia I would have.  
It was funny, squatted down with practically all my secrets in his hands he had never looked sexier. The unbuttoned black robes, white shirt and even the gold and red tie hanging loosely around the second button of his shirt all made my heart beat double time. Or maybe that was the intense mortification.  
"Uh...I...you..." I said dumbly.  
And that was when he leaned forward and touched his lips to mine. The books fell from my hands. It wasn't like the one after Hogsmead had been. No thoughts, no hesitations.  
It's funny but touching lips isn't like touching any other part of the body. You walk down the hall and you knock elbows with five people but no one cares. Even holding hands is different, friends can do that as well as lovers. It was a soft kiss at first, if I hadn't known him better I would have said he was shy, but as I lay back on the cold stone floor it was abruptly more passionate.  
That classic line from Hemmingway's the Sun Also Rises when Bill Gorton asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt and he says, "Gradually, then suddenly," ran through my head.  
There seemed to be no past or future for those moments. It was everything a kiss is supposed to be: tingles were shooting up my spine, there was an explosion behind my eyes that made Chernobyl look like a fire cracker and I swear I could hear the 1812 Overture pounding in my ears.  
My knees probably gave out too but since I was on the floor it hardly mattered. Somewhere in the back of my mind it half registered that to do something this well Sirius would have probably had to have done it at least a billion times before.  
I don't know how we would have ended that kiss or what would have happened next if just then we hadn't become aware of encroaching voices. If we had thought it through we would have realized that who ever it was couldn't have possibly known what we had been doing (and probably wouldn't have cared anyway).  
I know I at least wasn't thinking clearly and apparently neither was Sirius because as soon as I had grabbed my book bag he grabbed my hand and pulled me through what had appeared to be a tapestry into a long dark corridor. As we ran down the tunnel the torches on the walls burst into flames as we approached so we were never in complete darkness but we also couldn't see before us.  
However, it didn't seem to matter, Sirius navigated the maze of side tunnels like he'd done this thousands of times until finally he pushed open what appeared to be solid wall and as I stepped out I realized we were right outside the Gryffindor commonroom. "I'll have to remember that." I said, smiling, placidly, my head was still light years behind my mouth trying to process what had just happened to me.  
"Oh I wouldn't attempt it. It took James, Peter, Remus and me almost four months to figure out that passageway." He said. "You can get lost very easily down there." I don't know where Sirius finds the time to find and memorize what seems like every single passageways in Hogwarts. I'm in my seventh year and I still get lost regularly wondering about this mad house.  
"Well it was nice to see you Sirius." I said, understanding that we had reached a tacit agreement not to talk about the kiss and wanting to avoid the impending awkward silence.  
The worst kind of curses are the ones that feel like blessings.  
  
Buddy Holly song (he died very famously in a plane crash). Any of you who have heard that song American Pie (either the original or the Maddona remake) please note that song is about Buddy Holly's death.  
  
I am aware that the melt down at Chernobyl happened in the late 80s but if Shakespere can write chimmnies and jackets into the Roman' Era I'm allowed to just pretend right?  
  
AN: Dun dun dun! What could possibly happen? You'll just have to wait until I post more to find out won't you? Please, please, please, please, please, please review! A huge, huge thank you to all who reviewed and an equally big apology for taking so fucking long to update but when you're me, life is hectic at its best.  
  
P.S. (just a little sneak peak into Sirius' head for all the curious or concerned) Don't worry! Sirius is totally jonsin' for Emily (and possibly in love with her too) but remember how they kind of half promised to be just friends down by the lake? He honestly thinks that's what Emily wants (yeah right) so he's a little bit embaressed about what he considers a slip up. 


	8. Dances with Wolves

DISCLAIMER: I can't think of anything witty to say so just know that I don't own Harry Potter, Warner Bros or anything like that.  
  
29, September, 12: 37, Great Hall,  
  
You know sometimes I think the sorting hat is so full of shit. I mean I'm not exactly the bravest person I know. In fact I spent the whole of last period trying not to think about how it felt to have Sirius' lips on mine (almost impossible because he was sitting right next to me and practically breathing down my neck).  
A real Gryffindor would have...I dunno...beat why he had kissed me if he wasn't going to do anything else out of him.  
  
Things I'm scared of:  
1) Rejection  
2) Loosing Lily as a friend  
3) Cockroaches  
4) Heights  
5) Water I can't see the bottom of (aka Jaws)  
6) Horror movies (god am I lame)  
7) Neo-Natzis  
8) Death  
9) Being possessed  
  
29, September, 12: 46, Great Hall,  
  
I don't know why I care so much, it wasn't my first kiss of anything. And I'm not in love with Sirius or anything. Or am I? Oh god, I don't even fucking know anymore! On one hand I don't even know if I believe in all that "true love" shit but on the other hand I don't react this way to anyone else.  
When did life get so complicated?  
  
30, September, 2: 25, Charms,  
  
I told Lily what happened with Sirius and me last night. "So you're just going to pretend it didn't happen then?" She whispered as we huddled together in her bed with the curtains drawn.  
I shrugged. "What else can I do Lil?"  
  
"Well lots of things." She protested.  
"Like what Lil?" I asked sarcastically.  
"Kick him in the shins, confront him, drag him into a closet and see if it's as good the second go around, hire some thugs to kill him." She ticked off on her fingers. "See that's four whole options so don't give me any of this no options bullshit."  
I rolled my eyes. "Those aren't even options to anyone but you Lily." I told her.  
"What do you mean, those are all perfectly sane and legal. You know except possibly the last one." She said. "And I doubt you'd even do that, what with how enamored with him you are."  
"Well at least I have you to share my singleness with right?" I sighed, trying to change the subject a little bit. She coughed and looked almost guiltily. I gasped. "Tell me what happened!" I demanded.  
"It's none of your business." She said, noes in the air.  
I beaned her with a pillow and wrestled with her for a few moments. "Tell me you little shit." I repeated with more vehemence. "Or I'll tell them all the truth about you Lennon." I said the first thing that came to my head, a line from that old Beatles' movie A Hard Day's Night.  
"You wouldn't." She played back, recognizing it from all those sleepovers.  
"Ah but I would." I warned.  
"Okay, okay." She pretended to give up but I could tell she was bursting to tell me.  
Her story explained a lot. She said that after dinner on the night I fell off James' broom (tragically) she had been feeling pretty tired so she decided to let the boys handle the moving food into the hospital wing for me operation. A reasonable decision, after all they are like the Jedi Masters of rule breaking.  
But to her surprise Sirius, probably taking some secret male cue from James we speculated, offered to fly this mission solo (I had noticed that they were missing that night) and so she and James left alone. Well they got back to the common room and it was mostly empty (most people were still a dinner) and for lack of anything better to do Lily put the old lip-lock on him.  
"I just looked at him and lost my bloody mind." She sighed.  
"And?" I prompted, knowing there was more.  
  
"And well...we're sort of seeing each other." She mumbled.  
"Sort of?" I pressed.  
"We're seeing each other." She said stoutly.  
All I can say in James Potter owes me a lifetime of fucking tutoring.  
  
October  
  
1, October, 2: 31, Charms,  
  
Oh holy shit.  
It has just occurred to me that I'm the only one of my friends who's single! I'm an old maid and I'm not even eighteen yet! I'm going to be that old lady with a billion cats who sits out on her porch with a shotgun under her shawl to make sure the neighborhood kids don't cut across her perfectly manicured lawn!  
I think I'm going to hyperventilate!  
  
2, October, 12: 49, Great Hall,  
  
I'm going fucking nutters and there isn't anything I can do about it.  
  
Things that are wrong with my life:  
1) All my friends have significant others and I have a crush who keeps sending impossibly mixed signals  
2) My cousin and my ex-friend might be plotting my demise  
3) My parents spend so little time with me they don't even know which sex I prefer  
4) To keep the trust of one of my friends I have to not tell something to another  
5) The only kiss I've ever enjoyed was given to me by someone who apparently doesn't remember it  
  
2, October, 12: 36, Great Hall  
  
I asked James this morning over toast if he though the Mafia had evolved enough to allow girls to becomes Dons (or possibly Donesses). He said that somehow he didn't think so. "Why not?" I pressed.  
"Why the fuck are you asking him?" Lily asked me. "You're the one who's always reading those weird pulp fictions about the Mafia." She said mooching some bacon off of James' plate.  
I've noticed that she's stopped stealing my food since they've started going out. Probably because it gives them an excuse to act like they're fighting and subtly touch each other without seeming like a mushy couple.  
"They aren't weird. They're useful." I protested.  
"How are they useful?" She asked, rolling her eyes.  
"They just are." I said lamely.  
  
Life Lessons I've learned from Mafia Pulp Fiction:  
1) Never telling the cops anything is always a good policy  
2) All sorts of useful Italian idioms (for example: when you say you have a "stone in your shoe" you really have to kill someone, when you meet a "man with a belly" you really meet a badass old school Sicilian and if you have a "bloody mouth" you're really a sicko sociopath)  
3) Never date a woman with more then one cat  
4) You can kill anyone  
  
2, October, 4: 57, Library,  
  
I showed Lily my list but she didn't seem to impressed. In fact she began muttering things under her breath about 'highly delusional.' Oh please, like I'm the delusional one! I'm just surprised she hasn't been reduced to signing all her papers Mrs. James Robert Potter.  
It's funny the way she and James act around each other. They aren't sickeningly sweet (in fact sometimes they seem down right hostile to each other) and she doesn't talk about him non stop when he isn't around but as her best friend I can see right through her little facade (just like Superman with X-ray vision and all).  
I'm not even really sure what gives them away. Maybe it's the way they lean in when they argue, the way they always hold hands under the table at meals, how they both casually ask me what they other has been saying about their relationship. Or maybe I'm wrong but I for one will be shocked if they don't wind up bloody married.  
The only news on the love life of yours truly is that there is no news. Of course.  
  
3, October, 3: 41, Arithmancy,  
  
Sirius, James, Lily, Peter Petigrew (this pudgey little boy who is always following James and Sirius around), Remus, Chris, Kevin and myself decided today at lunch to take an private and unscheduled trip to Hogsmead tomorrow. So James and Sirius are probably scrambling around right now trying to figure out how to get eight people into Hogsmead without loosing their flair for style (I am so looking forward to seeing what exactly they pull).  
How we all decided to go went a little like this: James wanted to take Lily to the wizarding arcade there and I said that I had never been so Remus said that he would take me sometime if I wanted. Which prompted Lily to say that we could come with them if we wanted, and Chris too (who naturally wanted to bring Kevin). Then Sirius said he needed to visit Zonko's and then Remus invited Peter too because he was looked so abandoned.  
It's funny how things snowball like that.  
  
4, October, 9: 41, Great Hall,  
  
I woke up shockingly early this morning, close to eight o'clock actually. I'm not sure why I awoke so early but having nothing better to do I came down here to have an early breakfast and maybe walk about the grounds for a bit. To my surprise there were people already seated at the Gryffindor table and then I realized that surprise or surprises I knew someone.  
Sirius was hunched over a heaping plate of bacon, eggs and pancakes but he was only really picking at his food, an almost troubled expression on his face. "Breakfast of champions?" I remarked snippily, sitting down across from him.  
"Breakfast of troublemakers." He corrected me with a smile.  
"Couldn't sleep?" I asked helping myself to some of the scrambled eggs.  
He shrugged. "I never can on rainy mornings like this." He explained.  
"That's weird." I said digging into my eggs. For some reason, and even now I don't really have any idea why, that didn't sound like the whole truth at all but I decided not to press it.  
  
3, October, 8: 59, Dormitory,  
  
All right, James and Sirius are cleverer then I had previously imagined. Or at least they have more resources. To get the jolly eight of us out of the building they split us up into two teams: Team James and Team Sirius. Team Sirius consisted of Sirius (duh), Kevin, Chris and me and Team James consisted of everyone else. I thought it was a little strange that Remus and I weren't on the same team, since after all he was the one who invited me, but I think I understand now.  
It was actually a lot like a field trip. Except without the head checks, single file lines or screaming teachers....hmmm...maybe it wasn't a lot like a field trip. Anyway, after lunch Sirius took our team down to this little corridor that was just a little out of the way of regular traffic and stopped us right in front of this huge mirror hanging on the wall.  
"All right. So all you have to do is touch your want to the mirror and say ' Otrever'." Sirius explained as we all bunched up around it. "Everyone got it?"  
It was a funny thing going through that mirror. One moment you were standing on one side and the next on the other. It was actually quite the anticlimax. Chris and Kevin had all ready lit their wands when I showed up but I lit mine too anyway.  
"You ever been this way before Em?" Chris asked pointing the feeble beam of his wand down the seemingly endless corridor.  
I shook my head. "Before we went down this statue of a witch." I explained.  
"That's the way James and the others are going." Sirius said, he had come through the mirror just in time to hear what I was saying. "James and I thought it might be too suspicious of all eight of us were standing around in the corridor for no apparent reason. Thus the groups."  
We tried to play I spy as we walked before we realized that the only things around were cobwebs, stones and ourselves. But we weren't to lack for entertainment because Sirius and Kevin got into a heated argument over two Quiddich players and Chris tried to explain how different hair cuts went with different face shapes.  
When we met up with Team James at The Three Broomsticks it was almost one o'clock and after a round of butterbeers we splintered again promising to re-congregate at five. Lily, James, Kevin and Chris wanted to explore in couples for a little while but promised to meet Remus, Peter and me at the arcade soon enough. Peter had at first looked like he was going to try to angle to hook up with Sirius for the day but he slipped off to do god only knows what.  
The Humbletoe's Arcade was almost exactly like a muggle arcade with one significant difference: the games were a little more interactive. Things flew at you from the screens or while your hands were on the controls you seemed to be in the world. They even had set up a Dance Dance Revolution pad (mostly a muggle novelty that no one really knew how to work), which coincidentally is the one game I'm actually good at so I had a great time trying to teach Remus and poor bumbling Peter how to play the thing.  
"Wait till Lily gets here." I told them. "We're about evenly matched so it makes the two player really fun." What I failed to mention is that Lily and I are only really good at DDR because it was practically the only thing we did the summer after third year.  
"You ready to go again?" Remus asked.  
"Nah. I've got to go get something to drink. I'm sweating like a pig." I said shaking my head to get some air under my hair. "But you guys keep practicing, I'll be right."  
I ducked out of the arcade and made for the Three Broomsticks. Inside Sirius Black was sitting by himself and reading a book of all things, I nearly fainted in surprise. For some reason I could never before picture Sirius doing something so....domestic. I got a water from Madame Rosemerta and went to talk to him.  
He looked up when I took the seat across from him and smiled. "Hey." He said.  
"What are you doing in here?" I asked bluntly.  
"Reading." He said simply holding up the book so I could see. He was reading The Godfather. "You're right about the important lessons." I blinked, nonplused, was he reading this because I mentioned I liked it at breakfast a few days ago?  
"I'll let you borrow another by the same author when you're done." I said. "But really, why aren't you outside, it's a gorgeous day."  
He shrugged. "I've sort of seen the whole village four times over."  
"Then why don't you go back to school?" I asked.  
He laughed. "Because you, Kevin and Chris could never get back without me." He pointed out. That was true, I wasn't even really sure how to find the opening back to the tunnel much less get back through the mirror.  
"Then would you like to come back to the arcade with me? I'll teach you how to play Dance Dance Revolution, it's loads of fun I swear." I promised.  
He shook his head. "Nah, I don't want to intrude on your date with Remus."  
I snorted. "You think Remus and I are on a date?" I asked.  
"Well...yeah." He looked confused. "Aren't you?  
I laughed outright. "Remus and I are just friends, now stop being an idiot and come on." I demanded. Maybe it was just my imagination but Sirius looked almost relieved. And that would explain why he was acting so strangely and why he and James had split us up for the trip over here.  
But if he wanted to date then why hadn't he said anything after we'd kissed? That would have been a highly optimal time right? Oh god that boy is driving me up the fucking wall!  
Sirius picked up on DDR quickly when we got back to the arcade, which didn't necessarily surprise me because he had danced so well at the club we went to. But I could see why Sirius had been avoiding spending the day with Peter because the chubby boy seemed to really hang on Sirius' every word and that got a little annoying. Actually make that it was so annoying I wanted to break his jaw so he would stop agreeing with everything Sirius said.  
It was funny. He acted completely normal the whole afternoon after that but on the way back the two of us walked behind Chris and Kevin and in the semi darkness of the tunnel I felt his hand slip over mine. It sort of freaked me out actually because I wasn't exactly expecting something to grab my hand out of the dark but a hand is shaped very uniquely and I figured it out before I screamed.  
I'm not exactly what exactly Sirius meant by grabbing my hand but it was certainly a curious thing to do.  
  
4, October, 11: 24, Dormitory,  
  
Lily said that she'd ask James to find out what Sirius mean by kissing me and holding my hand if I wanted but I said no. James is a great guy and a good friend but tact isn't exactly his thing. Besides, it seemed sort of third year to go through our best friends.  
Of course it's also sort of third year not to just ask Sirius myself but that's out of the question. When you have bad luck as intense as yours truely's you learn to avoid public humiliation at all costs when you can.  
  
Five Best Things About Being a Woman:  
1) The ambiguous "woman problem" excuse  
2) People don't accuse us of being "gay" if we think about our appearance  
3) We don't have to deal with all that alpha male jock bullshit  
4) We aren't responsible for starting the relationship, just maintaining it  
5) Physical abuse is not generally accepted as the best way to resolve any problem  
  
Five Worst things About Being a Woma n:  
1) Child birth and "woman problems"  
2) We are held to impossible standards of beauty  
3) No one ever trusts your strength or intellect  
4) We are supposed to sit around and let the guy come to us  
5) Back-stabbing is very common  
  
Fucking Catch-22 life is, let me tell you.  
  
6, October, 11: 24, Transfiguration,  
  
We've moved out of the section of the book that had water on it so Sirius and I moved are desks apart today. It's not all bad I suppose. I don't have to deal with him breathing down my neck all day and I can write in you now this period... but who am I kidding? I love having him breath down my neck and I can write in you whenever I want (no offense).  
Moving on to another, if not more cheerful subject, I can expect full on mayhem in Herbology today. Since yesterday Slytherin beat Ravenclaw at Quidditch the new forecast for players in the House Cup are Gryffindor and Slytherin. Copious amounts of blood are anticipated in the final game and probably in Herbology too because we are replanting Zertiprits, a plant with when exposed to the pressure of say a fist closing around it become the organic equivalent of a moltov cocktail.  
All I can say is that I will not be working at the same table as Mr. James Potter. I do not plan to let a slight pyromania be the death of me.  
  
6, October, 2: 41, Charms,  
  
Well James gave as good as he got and actually survived to tell the tale too, though I think he fire proofed his robes which is probably cheating. In fact generally the most that happened to most people is singed robes, only Elanor Dunsen, a rat-faced Slytherin chaser, got it really bad. Quick thinking by Madame Sprout saved her from permanent scaring but I think it will be a while before her hair returns in full.  
Yours Truly was only hit once, by a sneaky little worm of a Slytherin, AKA Lucius Malfoy, ended up catching my pant legs on fire so badly I had to stop drop and roll. But I got him back and I doubt he will ever be able to wear that robe ever again.  
That'll teach the little fuckwit to mess with me.  
  
AN: Please review! There's nothing I love more then flattery and hate mail cracks me up so lets have feedback galore! 


	9. From Balls to Birthdays

Disclaimer: Anything you recognize I probably don't own  
  
AN: I ADDED SOME ON THE END SO IF YOU READ THIS CHAPTER WITHIN THE FIRST TWO DAYS IT WAS PUBLISHED YOU SHOULD RE-READ THE ENDING! OTHERWISE THE NEXT CHAPTER WON'T MAKE MUCH SENSE!  
  
7, October, 9: 40, Commonroom,  
  
Lily, James, Sirius and I are playing team scrabble right now (girls against boys) and I am happy to report that we are pummeling the two of them. Mostly because we decided that swear words are legal and Lily can make up the most convincing sounding nonsense in that department.  
No development in the Sirius department.  
  
8, October, 2: 41, Charms,  
  
I just got back from the bathroom and the most humiliating thing happened to me while I was in there. I went in and to my surprise Chris S and Rosie were in their washing their hands and as I walked by to get to one of the stalls Chris gave me this really nasty look. It was exactly the same look Rosie gives me everytime she realizes how much of a freak I am (almost every time she looks at me).  
And it occurred to me just then that I had done the a thing I had sworn not to from the very first moment I realized that all my friends and were beginning to be attracted to the opposite sex: I had lost a friend over a boy. It seemed like Chris S.'s and my friendship had just disintegrated over next to nothing and now we were almost enemies.  
How had that happened? Why had that happened? If I hadn't liked James or Kevin I would have told Lily or Chris about it but I wouldn't have issued the ultimatum I had apparently gotten from Chris S. I wouldn't have made them chose between the two of us. But there it was and now I had burned the bridge between us and I didn't even have Sirius in the bargain.  
"Chris." I said almost before I had finished thinking. "I'm really sorry about everything I did."  
She looked like for a moment she was going to let me bury the hatchet but then she seemed to remember who was right next to her and rolled her eyes. "Yeah whatever." She said and began to brush her hair. Rosie laughed and I felt sick to my stomach but I continued. I must be a sado-masochist or something.  
"I'm serious Chris. I'm really serious." I said. "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" I was practically pleading at this point and it really disgusted me but I was so sad about what had happened.  
"Yeah actually there is." Chris said in her meanest voice.  
"What?" I asked knowing she was just going to say something really personal and vicious.  
"You can make That Boy fall out of love with you." She said in a sarcastic voice but the look in her eyes told me she was completely serious.  
I didn't have to ask who That Boy was. "He's not in love with me." I protested.  
"You would say that." She said meanly and flounced off.  
  
10, October, 12: 38, Great Hall,  
  
To the Hogwart's school body:  
  
In honor of the twelve hundredth birthday of our beautiful school the Head Boy and Head Girl along with the Prefects have elected to hold a celebration ball on the 31st of October. Students below fifth year may come only if invited by an older student. Costume trousseau is mandatory.  
  
Albus Dumbledoor  
  
More later.  
  
10, October, 10: 52, Dormitory,  
  
No one can seem to shut up about this ball. I mean don't get me wrong I'm pretty excited myself but still...can we talk about something ELSE? Maybe I'm just disappointed and bitter because the chance of everything working out just the way I want it to is like the square root of zero and everyone else seems to be getting exactly what they want.  
I mean after we all looked up the word trousseau Lily and James spent all of lunch whispering together about what they're planning to wear and refusing in this really annoying superior voice to tell anyone what they're planning to wear.  
Chris and Kevin are really excited too. At first they were really depressed because they didn't see any way they could possibly go together but that was until yours truly stepped in. I'm not even sure where this burst of brilliance came from but I hunted them down in Moaning Mrytle's bathroom.  
"Hey Chris you want to go to the ball with me?" I asked.  
He nodded. "Thanks Em."  
"Hey Kevin, you want to go to the ball with me?" I asked, turning to the other ball.  
It took them about five seconds to realize what I was up to but then Chris let out this shriek and grabbed me up in this bone crushing hug. And Kevin was laughing in this really relieved way. "You are the sweetest girl I know." He told me.  
I shook my head. "This way you guys aren't gay. Just my friends."  
"Emily if I wasn't a complete fag I would ask you to marry me." Chris said giving me a big kiss on the cheek. "Because I'll never find a better woman." Well that made me feel good.  
Deus ex Machina I'm telling you.  
Most people will be buying their costume from either the costume shop in Hogsmead or the one in the muggle village a few miles away but Chris is an awesome clothing designer/maker so he and Kevin decided to do our costumes as a little couples project. "I can't sow worth a damn but I can learn to pin things or something." Kevin shrugged.  
But they were both so happy with me that they completely exempted me from any costume making/planning sessions. In fact they decided to not even tell me what I was going to be wearing. Which is so annoying but I guess better then having to try to pick out fabric.  
Lily says what I did with Chris and Kevin was selfless because I desperately want to go to this dance with a certain bestfriend of her boyfriend. I decided to just let her think that because I didn't feel like divulging that the real reason was that I wasn't exactly optimistic about my chances of getting asked by that certain person. I mean don't get me wrong, Kevin, Chris and I are going to have a great time but neither of them are likely to sweep me off my feet with an incredible kiss like Sirius might have.  
I wonder what everyone will wear. I hope Sirius' outfit includes really tight pants.  
  
11, October, 8: 31, Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom,  
  
Lily and I got up extra super early because we're painting pro-James T-shirts with Madame Greenbaum's super fast drying paint for this afternoon's Quidditch match against Ravenclaw and we have to be done and cleaned up in time for breakfast otherwise he might suspect us.  
Lily's says "mess with the best, die with the rest." And I am pretty sure she stole that from her local highschool's lacrosse team but I have decided not to comment because Lily is already in her pre-game rage. Mine says "Who is more foolish: the fool or the Ravenclaws who follow him?"  
"I don't see how that is supportive of our team." Lily pointed out after we were done.  
I shrugged. "I am saying something demeaning about the other team. And if nothing else it is a sage piece of age old Jedi advise that you and every one else would do well to think on. Even if George Lucas probably stole from some philosophy book by some dead white guy." I explained.  
"You're a weird kid." She said and made me let her draw a very graphic image of her boyfriend eviscerating the Ravenclaw seeker with his broom.  
And she says I'm the weird one.  
  
12, October, 4: 55, Commonroom,  
  
Gryfindor won.  
With that out of the way, exactly three people got the joke on the back of my shirt (one Gryfindor third year and two Ravenclaws sixth years, I can't be sure about them but they did give me the finger so I can only assume). Most people thought it was really deep and that I had made it up or gave me funny looks.  
We're have a party in the commonroom right now and I can barely think for all the loud shrieking and the occasional crash. Mostly what I'm trying to do right now is stay away from James because he's all sweaty and addrenalized from a really spectacular chase right now and can't stop making out with my best friend which is all a little traumatizing.  
Besides all these simpering fifth years keep trying to congregate around him and watching them try to feel his muscles is a little nauseating. And I so don't want to be there when Lily finally flips shit. So I'm curled up next to Chris and we're watching the unfolding of Remus and Peter's game (I'm periodically shouting encouragement at Remus and Chris is at Peter) of exploding snap while I beg him to tell me what he and Kevin are planning for my ball attire.  
It's actually quite nice because I can feel Chris' heart beat, stomach rumbles and his voice I'm pressed up so close to him, which you wouldn't think would be soothing but it really is. Lily or Dr. Freud would probably say that it has to do with that I was born a two weeks premature so I didn't get to hear or feel all the tummy rumbles and heartbeats I wanted to pre-natally.  
But I think it's just nice to be that close to someone.  
  
13, October, 12: 38, Great Hall,  
  
Apparently I fell asleep on the couch there with Chris' rumbling tummy because when I woke up that's where I was. I blinked hard and rolled over in the thick duvet thingy that someone had thrown over me in the night and found Sirius Black playing solitaire on the floor with exploding snap cards.  
I checked the clock hanging over the mantle piece. It was only a little after six but the wind and rain I could hear beating the windows explained what he was doing down here. "Put the black ten on the red jack." I told him, drawing his attention to me.  
"Morning." He greeted me.  
"Morning." I returned. "What am I doing down here?"  
"Well no one wanted to wake you up last night or lug you up to the girl's dorm so we just got a blanket and pillow and let you sleep down here." He explained, moving the black ten to the red jack. "Did you know you make a little snuffling noise when you sleep?"  
I sat up. "I most certainly do not." I protested.  
He laughed. "You most certainly do. It's really cute but you still do it." He retorted. I let it drop.  
"What are you thinking about?" I asked after a bit of silence.  
He shrugged. "I'm going to be eighteen on Saturday." He said. "I was just thinking how our lives are going to change once we leave school. I mean James and I are going to be aurors and with all this weird political stuff happening..." He trailed off.  
I'd never seen him, or practically anyone, look so serious. He was really worried about James and all his friends. I tried to smile. "We'll be fine." I assured him. "You and James are best friends. You'll take care of each other."  
He smiled and seemed to shake off his dreary mood. "I warned you I get weird when it rains." He said cheerily. "Now you never told me what you and Lily were planning to do after Hogwarts."  
"Lily wants to be an auror too but I think I want to be a nurse. I was always really good with healing spells and like you said with this Lord fellow on the rise and maybe a war coming we'll need nurses just as much as we'll need warriors right?" I shrugged. "And I never was any good at hexes."  
Sirius smiled again but this time he really looked like he was happy about something. "Well at least we'll keep in touch them right. I mean you'll be around the ministry during training and such and there if I get my arm blowed off or something of the like." He pointed out.  
I giggled. "You get your arm blowed off and I'll cripple you myself." I threatened.  
Sirius rolled his eyes. "You and James both no doubt."  
"What do you want for your birthday?" I asked suddenly remembering what he had told me.  
"Nothing." He said in what looked like honesty.  
I punched him in the arm. "Don't be mean like that Sirius. You're a blood hard person to shop for I can tell just by looking at you and it's just cruelty to do that. To your own friends too!"  
He grabbed my hand. "I'm being serious. Don't get me anything. There's nothing I really want."  
I resolved to get him something anyway but I knew that fighting him about more would be completely pointless. I'll ask James about it later. "So who are you going to the ball?" I asked.  
"Actually Peter Remus and I are going together as a group." He said re-dealing the cards.  
"Why?" I asked. I could understand a group of boys going together if they couldn't find dates, and maybe this was true for Peter but certainly not for Remus or Sirius.  
He shrugged. "Our theme only works with three people." He explained.  
"The Three Stooges!" I exclaimed.  
"The who?" He asked.  
"You're going as The Who?" I asked. "There were four people in The Who?"  
"What?" He asked.  
"The Who! You said you were going as The Who." I reminded him.  
"Who are The Who? I wanted to know who the Three Stooges were!" He explained.  
"Oh. The Three Stooges are this old comedy group. Slapstick mostly. And the Who are an old band from the sixties." I said.  
"Oh well we aren't going as either of those things." He said.  
"Then who are you going as?" I asked.  
"I'm sworn to secrecy." He smirked.  
I let out the cry of a woman pushed the limits of her frustration. "Why am I always the one left out of the secretes?" I shrieked.  
Sirius laughed. "But you know what you, Kevin and Chris will be wearing." He pointed out.  
"They won't tell me!" I whined. "And it's not fair!"  
He laughed again and I had the strong urge to hit him as hard as I could.  
  
14, October, 10: 31, Dormitory,  
  
For once in my life nothing humiliating happened all day. Fucking red letter day in the life of Emily Stanton let me tell you!  
  
15, October, 12: 12, Transfiguration,  
  
Professor McGonagall informed us in a calm, reasonable voice at the beginning of last class that if she confiscated any notes or overheard any conversations concerning the impending ball that the guilty parties would face detention in the darkest coldest dungeon she could find the night of it.  
The class room was deadly silent the whole class.  
  
15, October, 4:29, Library,  
  
"What does Sirius want for his birthday?" I asked James during our Arithmancy tutoring session (we've just moved on to bigger and significantly harder things).  
James shrugged. "I dunno." He said and started explaining the thing over again.  
It's a conspiracy! It's completely a conspiracy! It has to be! They couldn't possibly be this annoying without some planning involved. I thought about ripping James' head off but I really do need him to explain Arithmancy to me.  
  
16, October, 6:39, Dormitory,  
  
I met Chris and Kevin after last class so Chris could take my measurements for my costume. And then I stuck around so Kevin could teach me how to do that cool flippy-open thing with his zippo. And then Chris made me tell the story about how in the fourth year I ACCIDENTALLY set fire to my grandmother's prize grand piano and was grounded the whole summer for it.  
"Did you grandmother flip shit?" Kevin asked.  
I rolled my eyes. "I swear to god if we had a family bible she would have rubbed my name right out of it faster then you could say 'crotchety old hag.'"  
"The biggest thing I ever set fire to was this huge topiary phoenix we used to have in the west garden. It was actually pretty cool, big flaming thing and all, but my parents were pretty pissed." Kevin didn't look to upset about whatever strife he might have caused his parents however.  
"Did you tell them you expected a little baby topiary phoenix to rise any day now?" I asked.  
He laughed. "No but I wish I'd thought of it." I felt so fucking witty.  
  
17, October, 2: 45, Charms,  
  
Lily and I decided to take the easy way to Sirius' birthday and make our specialty "sparkle" cake for him. I know it's kind of the chickenshit way out but everything else I could think of seemed to intimate for our just-friends relationship. But in my defense my sparkle cake rocks.  
We've just got to figure out what to write on it.  
  
18, October, 8: 31, Kitchens,  
  
It's so early I can hardly believe it but here we are waiting for our sparkle cake to cook. It's really freaking the poor house elves out. They can't just figure out why we want to make something ourselves because they can obviously do it better but they're being really accommodating and keeping the suggestions to a minimum.  
Right now I'm supposed to be brainstorming for something to write on the cake but I just can't think of anything. We were going to write "two years past sweet and still going strong." What dreamers we were a few minutes ago. We just tried to write something on this plate with the icing and man was it hard.  
  
19, October, 10: 56 AM, Commonroom,  
  
We ended up writing "Happy B-day, Seriously," in case you care. And we also almost set the commonroom on fire lighting the candles but the cake was much appreciated. I don't know if it was good first hand because it disappeared so quickly but the general murmur said it was just great.  
Lily and I also had a great time pretending that the recipe was this big secret when really we stole it from the joy of cooking and added sprinkles to the batter for the sparkles. "Didn't you promise never to pun my name ever again?" Sirius said as he consumed his slice of cake.  
"Yeah but Lily didn't."  
"But thanks for the cake. It's really good." He said.  
I shrugged. "Happy Birthday. Many happy returns of the day."  
"What does that mean?" Sirius asked.  
I shrugged again. "I dunno it's what my uncle used to write in my birthday cards. I guess it just means I'm glad you were born. The day had many great rewards." I explained.  
He thought about that for a second. "I like that." He finally decided.  
"It always used to make me feel good." I said.  
Later Lily, James, Peter, Remus, Sirus and I all curled up on the couches and talked into the night until one by one we all dropped off to sleep. Sirius and I were the last to go and it was really great to sit in the firelight, just the two of us. It felt so comfortable, tonight there wasn't anything sexual, we were just great friends enjoying the fire.  
But finally around three o'clock in the morning we got tired and went to find somewhere to drop of. I wormed my way back onto the super wide couch, next to and slightly under Lily and he curled up beside it. "Many happy returns indeed." I heard him whisper just as I dropped of to sleep.  
  
20, October, 2:31, Charms,  
  
Me: What are you and James going to the ball as?  
Lily: You know I can't tell you. Besides it's more fun this way.  
Me: Yeah, so fun I can hardly stand it  
Lily: You won't tell me what Chris, Kevin and you are going as  
Me: That's because I don't know!  
Lily: Really?  
  
Me: They won't tell me!  
Lily: That's really funny  
Me: I know where you sleep Evans  
  
21, October, 9:34, History of Magic,  
  
Ode to History of Magic (a Hiku)  
  
Oh Professor Binns,  
Why do you do this to us?  
The madness must stop!  
  
22, October, 4: 05, Library,  
  
Professor Nor told me today that my grade is up to passing! And I'm really starting to get this new stuff. I mean I still have to work at it but it's still paying off. I can't wait to tell James.  
  
22, October, 4: 58, Library,  
  
James' reaction didn't come close to meeting my expectations. "Congratulations Emily." He said but I could tell he was thinking about something else. His eyes had a sort of glazed look in them.  
I waved a hand in front of his face. "Houston to James. Come in James." I said.  
His eyes focused. "Oh yeah, sorry Emily. That's great." He said with only a little more conviction.  
"What's wrong with you?" I asked.  
He shook his head. "It's nothing. Let's start going over that stuff." He said, opening his book.  
I shut it. "I'm serious James tell me." I insisted.  
He frowned deeply. "Promise not to tell Lily?" He asked.  
I had to consider that. It was so damn hard to keep secrets from her, but I really was dying to know so I made a little x over my heart. "Cross my heart and hope to die." I promised.  
"Well it's just that she's been acting really weird lately." He said.  
  
"Who Lily? Lily always acts weird, how did you miss that?" I laughed but he looked so serious I stopped very quickly. "Look, James, chances are it has nothing to do with you. She's probably just PMSing. Give it three more days and she'll be back to herself."  
He shook his head and looked really uncomfortable. "No, it isn't that."  
My curiosity doubled. "What happened?" Had they had sex, I wondered. Had my best friend had sex and not even bothered to tell me about it? "Did you two have sex?" I demanded. I was going to kill her for not telling me!  
James rolled his eyes. "No, we didn't have sex."  
"Then what?" I asked, or sort of shrieked.  
He gestured for me to keep it down. "I sort of told her that I was in love with her." He said really quickly.  
I blinked. "What do you mean you sort of told her you loved her?" I asked bluntly.  
"I mean I fucking told her!" He said, louder.  
I blinked again. "You love her?" I asked.  
"No! I told her that for my health." He was sort of shrieking now.  
"Why did you do that?" In my stunned state I really wasn't equipped to recognize sarcasm.  
"I was being sarcastic!" He exhaled deeply and all the pompous wind seemed to leave him. "Of course I love her." In the seven years I had known James Potter I had never once seen him look so humble.  
I nodded. "Well, what did she say?" I asked.  
He took off his glasses and covered the top half of his face with a hand. "She dodged." He said. "It's sort of a blur now but I think she said something like 'that's nice' and then that she had to go. And she's been acting weird ever since." If James hadn't looked like he might cry I would have laughed. What a classically Lily thing to do!  
I kind of scooted my chair right next to his and awkwardly patted his back. "You know I don't know if anyone ever told you this about Lily but she's shit scared of commitment." I consoled him.  
"You're totally making that up." James protested. "But thanks anyway."  
"I'm not making it up." I protested. "Before you her longest boyfriend lasted about a week."  
That seemed to cheer him up, or at least he took his hand off his face and he sat up straight again. "How do I fix this Emily?" He asked. "I can't take it back and I don't know if I would even if I could."  
"I'll talk to her to about it. She really does love you James." I assured him, rubbing his back still.  
"You think so?" He asked.  
"I know so. But James, just don't let her back out of this." I said.  
  
"Okay but don't tell her I told you okay?"  
"Discretion, Mr. Potter, is my middle name."  
  
22, October, 9: 59, Dormitory,  
  
"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING LILY!" I screamed at her when she entered the dormitory that night, pretty much throwing discretion out the fucking window but whatever. She was just lucky we were alone, I was all ready to read her the riot act for breaking poor James' heart.  
She didn't even to bother to ask what I was on about, she took one look at me and knew. "Oh god. I knew he was going to tell you." She said dropping to her bed with a deep sigh that reminded me of how James had looked in the library. "I just knew it."  
"AND A GOOD THING TOO!" I yelled. "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING! YOU KNOW YOU LOVE HIM BUT YOU'RE JUST TO SCARED TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!"  
"Don't yell at me Emily." She said, looking close to tears.  
That knocked all the anger right out of me. I mean sure she'd hurt James but she was still my best friend and I still loved her and she looked like she really needed a cuddle. I got into her bed and snuggled up next to her under the covers, wrapping an arm across her waist and tucking my head into the crook of her shoulder. "I'm so sorry Lily but he's my friend too now and you broke his little heart." I whispered. "I just got mad."  
That got her to crying. "I just d-d-didn't know w-w-what to do." She sobbed. "I mean there we w-w-were k-k-kissing in the Astronomy Tower and h- h-he just pulled back and l-l-l-looked right at me and said he l-l-l-loved me and I just f-f-freaked out." The stutters were punctuated with little explosions of tears and the jerky inhalation aftermaths.  
I tried to remember the last time I'd seen Lily cry, if I ever had. "Oh sweetie it's okay." I assured her.  
"How do I fix this Emily?" She. It struck me as kind of funny that she used the same words that James had. "What do I do?"  
"I think you talk to him about it." I said.  
Her crying intensified. "I don't want to talk to him." She squalled curling into me like a little kid.  
"I know you don't." I said. "But I think you're going to have to. Otherwise I'll kick your ass."  
That got a weak little out of her. "Like you could Stanton." She sniffed.  
I laughed too. "What in your emotionally weakened condition? It'd be a piece of cake." I said handing her the ever present box of Kleenex off of Alice's bedside table (she's got major allergies). "I'd trounce you three ways to Sunday and make it look easy too."  
She giggled in that way you only do after a long cry. A sort of hysterical laugh. I wiped away her tears with the sleeve of my robe. "Thanks Em." She whispered snuggling in closer to me.  
I nodded and began stroking her hair. "What scares you so much about James? I've seen the way you look at him. You've totally fallen for him and I'd say it's fatal." I said. "Shouldn't you be happy he loves you?"  
She whimpered a little bit. "That's just it. I look at James and before I even realize it I'm wondering what our children would look like and worse, I'm hoping I find out!" It was so strange listening in this in my tough-as-nails best friend's voice. "That's certainly never happened before! It's just so much new and not enough familiar. I'm out of my, oh, what does my cousin call it... I'm out of my comfort zone."  
I sighed. "I guess that's understandable, hell I know exactly how you feel." Thanks to Sirius Black I do anyway. "But Lily you've never been too scared to do something in your whole life and this is something I think you need."  
She sniffed again. "I guess."  
"I'll referee your "little talk" if you'd like." I offered.  
She shook her head. "No, James and I have to work this out on our own, like the adults we're almost. And even if we rip each other apart again you'll be around to pick up the pieces and it'll have been a learning experience right?" She didn't sound to convinced but defiantly resolved.  
I nodded and gave her a paternal kiss on the forehead and because I was feeling very corny and sentimental I said, "I'll always pick up the pieces for you Lily."  
  
23, October, 11: 21, Transfiguration,  
  
Music I am Ashamed to Say I Like:  
1) Under my Thumb by The Rolling Stones (I know it's sexist and subversive and Mick Jagger is a stupid prick for writing it but that doesn't make the tune any less great)  
2) Steve Goodman (Now I know I co-founded the anti-country music sect at Hogwarts but for me it just doesn't get better then when he sings Donald and Lydia)  
3) Frank Sinatra (Don't ask, it's an affliction)  
4) You're The One That I Want from the Grease soundtrack (yeah, there's no excuse for this one)  
  
23, October, 11:29, Transfiguration,  
  
Me: How can you look at John Travolta Chris: Very easily. He's a hunk.  
Me: But I mean don't you just start hearing the Bee Gees?  
Chris: The Bee Gees weren't that bad  
Me: I've got two words for you: Stayin' Alive. In my opinion that song is enough to condemn the whole group to eternal damnation in the inner circle of hell. You know the one where it's like cold.  
Chris: It's disco music, it's better if you're dancing to it  
Me: There is no possible way to improve Stayin' Alive.  
Chris: Shut up about John Travolta or I'll make your costume really ugly  
Me: John Ravolta more like it  
Chris: I'm serious  
Me: You wouldn't able to bring yourself to make ugly clothes  
Chris: I'm not accepting any more notes from you  
Me: John Ravolta! John Ravolta!  
Me: Chris and John Ravolta sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G  
Me: Spoil sport  
  
23, October, 12: 43, Great Hall,  
  
For the first time in a long time James, Sirius, Remus and Peter did not sit with Chris, Lily and myself today. In fact they sat almost on the other end of the table. "Did you talk to him yet?" I asked Lily.  
She shook her head, looking a little white and sick. "I was going to do it after Quiddich Practice tonight." She said. "Are you sure about this Emily?"  
"Look Lily he told me yesterday he wouldn't take it back. He's probably just trying to give you the space you sort of bluntly asked for." I pointed out.  
She nodded but kept casting little worried glances at James the whole lunch.  
"Um...did I miss something?" Chris asked.  
"Nothing." Lily started to say but I cut her off.  
"James told Lily that he loved her and she flipped out and blew him off, thus breaking both their hearts and plunging them into an agony of despair." I summed up.  
"Oh." Chris said and went back to his mashed potatoes.  
"She's a liar you know." Lily tried to convince Chris.  
"Yeah." Chris said quickly, not at all sounding convinced.  
Lily glared at me. "Don't blame me, he just knows you too well." I said.  
  
23, October, 4: 12, Library,  
  
Sirius was waiting for me when I left Arithmancy and he pulled me aside. "What's up with Lily and James?" He asked. "Why aren't we sitting with you guys anymore?"  
It was sort of flattering that James would tell me what happened between him and Lily but not his best friend but I guess I sort of was James' relationship councilor from the beginning. I thought about respecting any wishes James might have had about Sirius not knowing but had the roles have been reversed I would have wanted Sirius to tell me.  
"James told Lily he loved her and she's sort of really commitmentaphobic so naturally she flipped out and etcetera, etcetera. You can probably fill in the nasty details." I explained to him.  
"Fuck." Sirius sighed. "Are you taking care of it?" He asked.  
I nodded. "They're talking about it after Quiddich practice."  
"Great." He said.  
I twirled a strand of hair around my finger. "Hey Sirius." I wanted to ask him something but I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer. "Until Lily and James resolve this, we're still friends right?"  
He shook his head but in a way that suggested he couldn't believe I was asking something so stupid. "Don't be daft Emily. Just because your best friend broke my best friend's hear doesn't mean I'm going to abandon you. If James wants to play with emotional fire and get burned it's his own fucking fault. I don't play favorites with my friends." He said ruffling my hair.  
It made me feel good to know that Sirius considered me a real friend, not just his best friend's girlfriend's friend. Lily and James should have issues more often because all things considered, this has been great for my ego. I mean first there was James confiding in me and then there was Lily needing me and now this thing with Sirius.  
  
AN: Well kids this is either the penultimate or the antepenultimate chapter (depending on how I deal with the rest of the time till the ball). Yes, that's right, by the day after the ball everything will be resolved for better or for worse. Though I am going to write an epilogue (there is a slim possibility that it'll turn into a sequel) about what happens when Sirius breaks out of Azkaban.  
And as always REVIEW! Mark Twian once said that he could live for two months on a good compliment and while I don't know about that flattery certainly greases my creative gears. 


	10. Escalation

DISCLAIMER: Anything you recognize I borrowed

AN: IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: First off, sorry about the delay, I've been moving (god right as school starts too) and my Internet access was cut off for a while there (almost three weeks). On to business.

To Clear a Few things up:

Contrary to popular legend Princess Diaries (though I did get a bit of a giggle out of it) was not my main inspiration for writing this story. A very funny movie based on a very funny book I never bothered to read. And of course, Harry Potter too.

THIS STORY IS SET IN THE LATE SEVENTIES! Thus the punk rock tendencies of the characters and no mention of computers, the Internet or modern movies/ books. The only real lapse would probably be DDR, which wasn't around until the nineties but the video game craze would have been just starting and as a child of the nineties, to me, video games means DDR.

For those of you with your heads under a literary rock please note that Peter Jackson isn't anywhere brilliant enough to do more than half mangle a wonderful story like The Lord of the Rings. It was a much better book written just after (and some people believe about) WWII so it is perfectly reasonable that Emily and company would have read this book.

23, October, 10: 09, Common room,

Now before I tell you what Sirius and I did let me just say that it was completely his fault in every way. I just didn't do anything to discourage it, and, okay, I went along too but it's still on his conscious.

But back to what happened.

So there I was innocently doing my homework. Or rather I had my book open and was staring at it while trying to imagine all the things Lily and James could possibly be saying to each other when Sirius sat down in the seat across from me.

"Feeling curious?" He asked, this little, devious smile playing his lips. That should have tipped me off right there that he was up to no good but it didn't.

"About what?" I asked. So sweet, so trusting.

"About James and Lily." He said.

"What are you thinking?" I asked slowly but I closed my book and put it in my book bag.

"Come on." He said grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the portrait hole.

"Sirius I hate to break this to you but James and Lily are totally going to see us coming unless you know some sort of secret passage way that comes up under the Quiddich pitch." He smiled at me. "You don't know of one do you?"

He shook his head. "There is no passage way."

I stopped following him. "Then they're going to see us coming." I protested.

He grabbed my wrist again. "Shut up and come with me. All will be explained soon."

We were almost to the door out to the pitch when Sirius opened a door that looked like a wall into what looked like a broom closet. "Toss your bag in here it's gonna be cramped otherwise." He said, fishing something out of his own bag.

"What is that?" I asked throwing my bag in amongst the brooms and mops.

He smirked. "This, dearest Emily is an invisibility cloak." He said shaking it out with a flourish.

"I didn't know you had one of those." I gasped.

His smirk widened. "I don't." He said simply. "But James does."

I laughed, I couldn't help it. James and Lily would slaughter the pair of us if they ever found out we'd listened in on their little spat but it was too tempting. And, admittedly, so was the prospect of being under that cloak with Sirius.

"This is so wrong." I whispered to him as we crossed the field to where Lily and James were seated on the bleachers. "We're stealing your best friend's invisibility cloak to violate the privacy of his and his girlfriend's problems."

He chuckled. "Oh shut up Emily, you don't feel the least bit guilty. Besides if they didn't want us invading their privacy they shouldn't have picked us as their best friends." He pointed out.

"Yeah, I know, but I just thought it might be good to point how sick and wrong this is!" I hissed.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever, now shut up."

"You can't just spring shit like that on me." Lily was practically shouting when we arrived. Well there goes her promise not to berate poor James for this. "I don't hide firecrackers in your drawers or rig things to just blow up around you periodically!"

James sort of had his head down and was trying not to look at her. Which was actually exactly the wrong thing to do, because all Lily really wanted was a fight. I could tell by the way she was all red in the face and her hands were flailing around. "I didn't spring this on you Lily damn it." James finally exploded. "You knew I loved you since fifth fucking year!"

I was suddenly aware that Sirius' breath was tickling my ear (he had to stand right behind me to fit the cloak over both of us). "Yeah but you didn't ever DO anything about it before now." Lily shouted back. It was actually sort of erotic (the breath in my ear, not Lily's shouting).

"Well maybe I should have!" James yelled. They were both yelling now even though they were only about a foot apart. But I was having serious trouble concentrating on anything but how close Sirius was next to me under the cloak.

"Yeah maybe you should have." Lily agreed. Like she would have let him! I turned to look at Sirius to see if he was as shocked as I was at how much Lily seemed to have departed from reality but he was looking right at the two of them.

"Do you love me?" James was asking.

"Don't ask stupid questions." Lily sounded irritated but her hands were twisting in her lap like small animals in their death throws. I sort of wished I had a camera because I knew I might never see Lily so visibly uncomfortable ever again.

"I'm serious Lily, do you love me." He said a little louder.

"Don't choke Lily, you know the answer to this." I whispered so low I'm not sure even Sirius heard me.

She tried to look away but he cupped her chin and turned it toward him. "Lily, please answer me. Yes or no but please just answer." If I wasn't so in love with his best friend and he wasn't dating MY best friend, I would totally marry James Potter.

I mean yeah he has his flaws- he's sort of arrogant and he has the capacity to be a real prick to people he doesn't like- but in the girl department he's sort of perfect. It's like there are two of James. There's the James that makes Lily want to rip his balls off by torturing people like Snape but then there's also the James who tortures himself over Lily's stupid little fears.

But then again Sirius is much the same way. I mean with the whole divided personality thing. I mean how can he fuck with people so meanly but then also get up in the middle of the night to take me down to the kitchens? If I live a million years and spend all of them studying him I swear to God I'll never understand him.

"Lily, I swear to god I'll kill you if you fuck up." I murmured.

She was quiet for what seemed like eternity as the three of us waited on tenterhooks. Our eyes were locked on Lily but underneath the cloak I had grabbed Sirius' (rather muscular) upper arm and was squeezing it so hard I was probably leaving bruises. That was okay though because he didn't even seem to notice.

"Fuck." He whispered.

"I don't know James." She finally said. "I mean when I look at you I want you more then I've ever wanted anyone in my life and I can't even imagine my life with out you and..." But she was just babbling at this point and so James leaned in and kissed her.

God! It was like a muggle soap opera. You know minus the popcorn and the incest and the amnesia and the men named Roul. Honestly! How I live with this much drama in my life is beyond me. I mean I know Lily said she wasn't running around rigging thing to explode but sometimes I think someone else is.

Sirius and I left after that because the weird smacking noises Lily and James were making was giving us fits of the giggles really bad. "If only we could tell people how corny they are when they're alone without ending up swimming with the fishes." I said as we got our stuff out of the closet and headed back toward the dormitory.

"If only." Sirius sighed in agreement.

"Do you think you or I will ever find love like that?" I asked. My head was swimming and I like I had after I split my tongue open that day Rosie brought Sirius over and the doctor gave me so many pain-killers: only half aware of my own body through the haze of euphoria.

I was so happy this episode of drama had missed all the billions upon billions of possible ways Lily could have screwed herself over and turned out well.

"Definitely." He said with such conviction I suspect he already has. Also, though I am only a novice at reading faces I detected a secret of some sort.

I wonder who it is.

Possible Love Matches for Sirius Black:

1) Rosie (I might have to slash my wrists if this is true because family reunions would be fucking unbearable. On the bright side this is a long shot because he did say he liked me better...their kids would be gorgeous though.)

2) Judy Richardson (what guy doesn't want her? Also unlikely however because I they already went out and he dumped her but their kids would also be gorgeous)

3) Some girl I've never met (I just hope her name isn't Hannawa)

4) Some boy I've never thought of (sometimes I think he's just to perfect to be straight, of course this doesn't explain his numerous ex-girlfriends)

24, October, 12: 43, Great Hall,

Well the boys are back to sitting with us like nothing ever happened and Lily and James are actually a lot better then they were before. They're sitting closer then they ever did (she's practically in his fucking lap) and I can't exactly see but I can totally tell they're holding hands under the table.

Sirius just caught my eye, jerked his head toward them, rolled his eyes and mimed hanging himself. Couldn't have said it better myself! If they don't get married and have really cute kids I can spoil rotten I'm going to be really upset because I will have sat through this nonsense for nothing!

Days left to the ball: 7

25, October, 7:12, Common room,

Lily, James, Sirius and I went down to the pitch together again and I'm happy to report I didn't break my arm again, but I also wasn't allowed near the broom this time so that could have had something to do with it. In fact Sirius and I mostly just lay in the grass (which is really soft and manicured) and swapped stories about all the dumb things we did as children.

And my parents thought I was a problem child! Sirius left home at sixteen! And now he lives by himself in this flat sort of around where James lives, which is sort of around where I live and by that I mean he lives in London. I asked him why he did it but he gave a vague answer changed the subject.

His favorite story of mine was that time I jumped off the roof after reading Peter Pan and broke my leg. Why does everyone just love that story! Why do I even bother to tell it! "Oh that's so cute Emily," or uproarious laughter (Sirius' choice) are all I ever get!

Days left to the ball: 6

Rumors Concerning the Ball:

1) So many girls wanted to be Sirius' date he started a lottery to pick the lucky one (unlikely I think because I asked and he just laughed)

2) Dumbledoor booked the Sex Pistols (unlikely also because I started this rumor in hopes that it might happen but given their lyrics and their muggle origins I doubt it)

3) Dumbledoor booked Fungus Kiss (more likely then the Pistols showing up)

4) The punch will be spiked (highly likely)

5) Big groups of fourth year girls are going to picket the ball in protest of their exclusion (highly likely too)

26, October, 9:49, Dormitory,

Days left to the ball: 5

I'm beginning to feel pretty excited about the ball, even though I still don't know what anyone will be wear! I tried to pry it out of James today when he thanked me for saving his ass with the whole Lily fiasco with some dirty underhanded guilt trips but no dice.

Well since no one will tell me what they're wearing (or even what I am wearing) I will just have to try to guess.

Possible Costume Ideas for Lily and James (AKA famous lovers):

1) Bonnie and Clyde (everyone loves people who die in gun fights)

2) Sid and Nancy (God I hope so)

3) Romeo and Juliet (I bet a whole bunch of people come dressed like this)

4) Han Solo and Princess Leia (Lily would look so funny in that metallic bikini)

5) Julius Caesar and Cleopatra (I don't know where that came from)

Fingers crossed for Sid and Nancy.

Possible Costume for Ideas Kevin, Chris and Me:

1) Lord of the Rings (Chris' favorite book)

2) 1984 (Kevin's favorite book, though I'm not sure how this could be turned into a costume ball theme, thank god)

3) Saturday Night Fever (what Chris would pick if no one was around to stop him)

4) Star Wars (what I would pick if no one was around to stop me)

5) The Phantom of the Opera (these are two gay men we're talking about after all)

My bet? Lord of the Rings for sure.

Possible Costume Ideas for Sirius, Remus and Peter: 

1) The Beatles (minus Ringo who everyone leaves out for some reason)

2) Darth Vader, Luke and the Emperor (I've got a sick Star Wars fixation)

3) The Three Wise Men (I'm so running out of ideas)

I can only hope they thought of better material then I did.

27, October, 9:14, History of Magic,

Well mum found out about the ball. The following letter was in the morning mail.

Hello Emily,

Margaret told me that Rosie said your school was hosting a ball for Halloween. How festive! You just must write back and tell me all about whatever lucky boy gets to take you to the ball and what your dress looks like. As you've probably already noticed, I've also enclosed a disposable camera so be sure to take lots of pictures and mail it back so I can get it developed!

I can hardly believe my little girl is going to her first dance! I remember your father and I met at a dance. He was so handsome and blah blah blah. The rest of it is hardly worth copying down. It's just a long-winded story that I've already heard sixty billion times. She closed with:

Love,

mum

PS. Please don't have sex without protection

Enclosed, along with the promised disposable camera, was an anti-pregnancy charm. This brings the grand total number of anti-pregnancy charms she's bought me to three (the only superfluous enthusiasm she's ever shown in magic). You'd think one would be enough wouldn't you? But oh no, apparently I'm far too irresponsible for just one!

I wonder if I should give one to Lily. The way she and James are going she could probably use one. I think I'll take a picture of Chris and Kevin kissing to discourage her from EVER doing this again. Fuckin' Mondays.

My return letter:

Hello mum,

Sorry about not writing enough. I'm just so busy with schoolwork and all but I'll try to be better about it from now on. The ball though isn't really about Halloween. My school just turned twelve hundred and that's what we're celebrating.

About my date? Well I should say dates. I'm going with two guys: Chris and Kevin. But they're lovers so I wouldn't worry about me having unprotected sex. I don't actually know what I'm wearing because Chris and Kevin won't tell me.

Love,

Emily

PS. Thanks for the camera

That should keep her from writing back too quickly.

Days left till the ball: 4

28, October, 6:45, Great Hall,

Dumbledoor, in his infinite wisdom, announced before dinner that we would be getting Friday off this week. "I think, somehow, no school work will be done on that day whether we hold class or not." He said with a little chuckle and a twinkle in his eye.

"Meet me in the common room at about one on Friday okay?" Chris hissed in my ear as Dumbledoor finished talking.

"Chris, the ball starts at nine." I whispered back.

"I know." He said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because." He explained, sounding a little exasperated. "Unless by some miracle the dress fits you perfectly we're going to have to make some alterations and I don't want to have to rush myself. And you don't know where we've been making the outfits"

"Oh." I said. I'm glad Chris thinks of things like that, because I never would.

"And bring something to do because I'm not letting you leave until nine okay?" He said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because you tell Lily everything and I don't want anyone to know in advance." He said.

I thought about arguing but he was right, I probably would have told Lily.

Days left to the ball: 3

29, October, 7:53, Dormitory,

Well good news people: it is not possible to die of embarrassment because if it were I would not be writing this. I would be six feet under. Yes, Emily Stanton has reached a new low in the embarrassment factor. I wouldn't have thought it possible but what do I know?

And in other news, I really hate Rosie.

See, I was leaving the Great Hall after dinner tonight when Rosie seemed to just appear next to me. "Hey Emily." She said, somewhat cordially. "Can we talk?"

"Yeah sure Rosie." I agreed but only because I was too thrown off balance by her apparently pleasant demeanor to think up a credible excuse.

She steered me into an empty classroom and shut the door. This struck me as somewhat ominous but I didn't run like I probably should have. "I told Sirius Black about your crush on him." She said bluntly. "He thinks it's pathetic."

"What?" Stunned is really to simple of a word to cover its definition. "Why would you do that?"

She sighed in a very patronizing way. "Oh Emily, I know you've always been a dreamer but I don't want you to get hurt. Her just isn't in your league." She said, reaching up to cup my face in the way mothers do when you realize for the first time that not everyone is nice.

The raw malice I remembered seeing in her face before had vanished without a trace. Without Sirius behind me as a friend and possible romance I was no longer a threat to her. I was back to being Cousin Emily, the bumbling, flawed mortal, whom she'd didn't like but only because I was steeped in sin.

I was so pissed I wanted to hit something. It wasn't like I didn't already know that Sirius didn't fancy me and I wasn't about to run off and try to get him to! I just wanted to enjoy my happy little dream and our friendship but now she'd gone and ruined even that!

I was fighting not to cry but little machine gun bursts of tears were leaking out of the corners of my eyes. "Why? Rosie why would you do this to me?" I sobbed. "Why couldn't you just leave it alone?"

She patted my knee softly. "I did it for you, because you're my cousin. He's just too good for you dear." She explained. "Besides if he and I were to begin dating I couldn't very well let you two be friends. It was bound to end sometime."

The reason behind her new found interest in my love life came into sharp focus. She wanted Sirius for herself and she'd thought I was in the way. Not for the first time I wished, like Chris, I couldn't find the beauty in the oddballs. If I could, I wouldn't have problems like this.

"You know why Chris S. ditched you right?" She said suddenly.

I shrugged. "She hates Sirius for some reason?" I suggested.

She laughed. "How do you keep from bumping off the walls being that blind?" She teased me.

I gasped. "She fancies Sirius!" I exclaimed.

That just made her laugh harder. "She fancies someone all right but it isn't on Sirius." Rosie seemed to be really enjoying herself at this point. That made me really nervous.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. It felt like one of those riddles that seem so obvious AFTER you've been told the answer.

Rosie shook her head. "You really don't know do you? Chris never told you there wasn't just one fag in your group." I stared at her, still not comprehending. "Chris fancies you!" She finally said with a little laugh. "Funny huh?"

Whoa! Plot twist or what?

"What?" Ever the eloquent lady I am right?

"God you really are clueless Emily. Even your parents noticed!" Well that did explain why they thought I was a lesbian. "She just couldn't take watching you hook up with someone else I guess. Sort of sweet in a pathetic sort of way, don't you think?"

I left after that and came up here to cry. Why did Rosie have to hate me so much? Or more to the point, why did she have to be so fucking good a ruining my life?

Problems:

1) I'm in love with a totally unattainable guy

2) He knows it

3) We have a lot of friends in common so this is probably going to turn into a fiasco

4) My ex-friend has a crush on me

5) My cousin is out to ruin my life

6) I can't seem to stop crying

Days left to the ball: who cares

30, October, 9: 12, Dormitory,

If today wasn't the worst day of my life it was definitely in the top ten. I spent the whole day trying not to look at Sirius and Lily and Chris spent the whole day trying to get out of me what was wrong. And then he goes and tries to confront me about it.

He pulled me aside just before Herbology. "We better go in, Professor Sprout won't be happy with us being late." I warned, trying to twist out of the grip he had on my wrist.

He was stronger. "No. I want to talk." He insisted.

I yanked my arm down violently but didn't dash into the Greenhouse. Instead I fixed myself in anger, my last and best defense. "Okay," I agreed. "Let's talk."

But Sirius didn't talk. He leaned down and kissed me. The kiss was, as Richard Sherman from The Seven Year Itch would put it, very quick and very hard. It was very hard because that was just the way Sirius kissed but it was very quick because I shoved him away from me as hard as I could.

If that bastard thought he could kiss me and I'd just let him after what he'd told Rosie yesterday he had another thing coming! What a little....God, there isn't even a word bad enough to describe what he is! To think he thought he could just exploit my little crush like that!

"You smarmy bastard." I hissed at him.

I thought about slapping him too but I didn't want to steal Chris' title as resident school drama queen so I gave him my most withering glare and stormed into the Greenhouse. Unfortunately Lily and James had saved us seats at their table so I had to ignore him the whole class.

I swear to god if it wouldn't just kill Chris and Kevin I would spend tomorrow in the library with a lot of ice cream and movies, trying not to think about you-know-who.

AN: Oh and by the way this is not going to be the penultimate chapter. I tried to write the next chapter as the end and based on how immature Sirius and Emily both are it just seemed sudden and unrealistic. The story will probably end around Christmas (story time). Oh and I'm also probably going to go back over the whole story and sort of re-vamp it as soon as I get the time (don't laugh, I might actually do it). Please Review, I'll dance without an audience but I won't write without one.


	11. Rapture with a Capital R

Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling

31, October, 11: 43, Room of Requirement,

Sirius knew this whole time where Chris and Kevin were making my costume and he never told me! If I weren't avoiding him like the plague I would hunt him down and give him a swift kick in the ass. Apparently Kevin and Sirius hit it off really well that day we all went to Hogsmead and he suggested it to them.

But I am so happy with my outfit I can hardly dwell on that. I saw Chris and Kevin's first (they were laid out on one of the couches so they wouldn't wrinkle). "Chris, how the fuck did you find the time to make these?" I asked. They were really good.

Kevin wrinkled his nose. "He's really efficient." He said.

Both costumes were cut like tuxes but out of strange cloth. One was made out of an assortment of strange clothes all patched together and a lumpy oversized top hat beside it but it was the other one that gave the theme away. That suit was made entirely out of cloth with thick vertical stripes of light and dark purple: the mad hatter and the Cheshire cat.

I was speechless, caught in that classic moment of huge envy when non-crafty people look at the crafts of crafty people. "Please don't tell me you're putting me in that boring blue dress Alice wore." I said when I had gotten over it.

Chris smirked. "Never darling. Kevin thought of something much more fitting."

"Would you like to darling?" Kevin asked presenting Chris with a cardboard box. They were both smirking now in that infuriating way that only people who have a big secret can ever really pull off.

"I'd love to darling." Chris said. They were so thoroughly enjoying this I wondered if I should be worried but when he opened the box inside was a simple little faux tiara. The centerpiece was fake ruby cut like a heart "Your majesty." He said bowing to me and presenting it.

Has this kid got a flair for drama or what?

I grinned. "Off with your head." I said taking it from him and placing it on my bed-head hair.

Thankfully they hadn't copied the dress from the drawings of the Queen of Hearts. I fell in love with my dress the second it came out of its wrappings. I didn't even know dresses could be so wonderful. "You like it?" Chris asked.

"Jesus Christ Chris." I said. "How did you do this." I reached out and put my hand on it.

The dress came in two parts: a red corset and a full white skirt hitting just at my knees to expose heart patterned stockings and half dressy sneakers, also white with red hearts. The skirt was layers and layers of white chiffon with a top layer of red hearts. It fit me: a little too informal, a little too comfortable and a little too strange for a ball gown but anything else would have looked strange on me.

"It was my idea not to put you in high heels." Kevin said pointing out the shoes.

"And I'm sure that you have no idea how grateful I am because you've never worn high heels." I said but then I realized something: the tiara I could have bought at The Party House Super Store but the dress looked expensive. "Umm, guys? How much did all this cost?" I asked tentatively. Once Chris gets started he has the high tendency to get really carried away.

Kevin waved me off. "Don't even think about it. I really like the idea of using my parent's money to make such a fabulous party dress." He said with a smirk. "I'd drive them crazy if they ever found out."

I thought about pushing it but he seemed really happy with the idea of getting his parents in this way so I just shut up and thanked them. "It's a really great dress." I said. "I don't know what I'm ever going to do to properly thank you guys."

"This is actually our thank you to you." Chris said. "We know you wanted to go to the ball with Sirius and you still invited both of us so we could go together." It didn't seem like the time to tell them that I just didn't think Sirius would've ask me so I just gave them both big hugs.

"Besides, we had fun." Kevin assured me.

"Loads of fun." Chris confirmed.

"And it just looks like a lot work because you're assuming we sowed it all by hand." Kevin said.

"But really bought some of the dress." Chris cut in. "And the tuxes too."

I shook my head. "It was still a lot of work and I know it."

"But we love you." Chris said musing my already rumpled hair. "Now try it on."

"Thanks again guys." I said as I slipped my jeans off and pulled my shirt over my head. I had decided to wear my Sex Pistols panties, figuring I needed all the luck I could get. But it didn't seem to occur to Chris to turn around (in his mind I'm sure I am about as sexual as a chair) so I was just glad they were clean.

"Are you going to tell us what was wrong with you yesterday?" Chris asked as I stepped into his dress and he began to lace up the back.

"There was nothing wrong with me yesterday." I huffed.

He snorted. "Yeah? You kept staring off into space and then shaking your head and muttering things like "pompous prick" and "pathetic? I'll pathetic him," which actually doesn't make much sense now that I think about it." Chris pointed out.

I shrugged. "I had something on my mind."  
"Yeah." Kevin said. "Obviously. What was it?"

I sighed. They weren't going to let this go and I was never very good at avoiding things without out and out lying. "Rosie told Sirius I fancy him and so I've been trying to avoid him." I explained. "Oh and by the way Chris S. fancies me into the bargain."

"Chris S. what's you?" Chris asked. He seemed to have completely missed the first part.

"Fancies me. Or at least that's what Rosie said." I repeated.

"Life is so fucking weird." Kevin sighed.

"Amen." I agreed.

"Chris S. fancies you?" Chris repeated.

"Is it that hard to believe someone might actually find me attractive?" I asked testily.

He shook his head vigorously. "Not really, just...I never knew she...well she swung that way. I mean, I thought she would have told me, or something."

"I didn't either." I shrugged. "So what?"

"Well what are you going to do?" He asked.

"Try to avoid both of them obviously." I said. "Duh."

"Ah yes." Kevin interjected at his most sarcastic. "The run and hide method of dealing with these things. Good choice Emily. That'll get you far."

I decided not to notice the sarcasm. "Thanks Kev, I think so too."

The dress fit well. A little big in the hips and a few things I'm sure I don't remember but nothing Chris wasn't equal too.

I've asked Kevin which of them was which character and he said that he was going to be The Mad Hatter. "We decided that people might guess I'm a fag if I wore those cute little ears Chris made." He laughed.

So far I've been pretty good about not moping about the whole Sirius thing (the dress has really cheered me up) and they haven't been picking at me for more details about the whole fiasco so that's good.

31, October, 8:31, Room of Requirement,

Miraculously, I never got bored today. The Room of Requirement really lives up its name. Just as Kevin and I would finish one thing we'd open a chest or a cabinet and find something new to do. We read, drew (I colored) and played a lot of card and board games.

I was determined to face Sirius looking as stunning as I could (maybe level the fucking playing ground) so I let Chris advise me on how to do my hair. He pulled them into these strange little pigtails that somehow worked with the dress.

I look good, strangely beautiful even. I've never been beautiful before and it's given me this funny confidence. Like my every move feels more graceful and I'm aware of all of my body at the same time. It's the strangest thing. I'm actually torn, I can't decide if the feeling in my stomach is dread or excitement. Maybe it's a little of both.

"You guys had better stop touching each other once we leave or people will might guess you really aren't MY dates at all." I've warned them, because Chris can't help compulsively straightening Kevin's tie and the like. Chris made a face at me when I said that but he stopped.

Chris and Kevin look so cute cuddled up on the couch together, trying not to muss their tuxes. I'm still in my underwear and a T because I'm having a glass of juice and if I got something on my dress Chris would execute me and the jury would acquit him.

31, October, 10:31, 1st floor bathroom,

So I slipped you into the bag we brought down to carry the two cameras (my muggle on and Kevin's magical one) and a wrap around for me in case I wanted to go out into fucking frigid air (my god less than a month ago it was warm out!). It was just a little impulse thing. But before I get into the theatrics of the evening I should probably start where I left off.

Chris made us wait till almost nine o'clock so we could be "fashionably late" but finally he said we could be off. I offered each of them an elbow before we opened the door I shook my head and said, to myself as much as anyone else, "bells of the fucking ball we'll be boys."

Everyone looked so beautiful. The house tables had disappeared and smaller, circular tables were scattered around the edges of the Great Hall. The Great Hall had changed too. Candles hung in the air and a big stage had somehow been rigged where the teacher's table usually was. No sign of the Sex Pistols though, or even Fungus Kiss but classical music was floating up from somewhere.

We stood in the doorway for almost a full moment just looking around in sort of awe before we noticed that Scarlet O'Hera was gesturing for our attention from across the hall, looking excited and lovely in her dark green period dress.

"Oh Lily you look so great." I told her when I got to the table they had snagged. I hugged her too, which was a little hard considering how we both had big petticoats under our dresses. "And you to Ret Butler."

James bowed. "Well thank ya ma'am." He said. He had even grown that tiny little mustache Ret had on his upper lip. Lily would later confide in me how funny it felt to kiss him with it.

"Sit down darlin' the foods just heavenly." Lily said in an atrocious southern accent even there was no food on the table yet. I could tell she had totally been practicing it. I gave her a big, wet kiss on the cheek to discourage her from trying it again.

"What are you guys supposed to be?" Peter asked Chris, Kevin and me.

"Alice in Wonderland!" Chris explained, well squealed would be more accurate. "I'm the Cheshire Cat and Kevin's the Mad Hatter and..."

Sirius cut him off. "Emily is the Queen of Hearts." He smiled at me but I just looked away. Pathetic? I'll show you pathetic!

"What about you?" Kevin asked Sirius.

It was then that I had noticed Sirius, Remus and Peter had stood to greet us and they were wearing...tights! Just kidding! But their pants were fitted enough I could feel my resolve to hate Sirius into eternity and back again slipping away. Over that they had big peasant shirts too covered with these weird, blue tunic things with big crosses on them. And super cool big-brimmed hats.

"The Three Musketeers!" I shouted in a burst of epiphany.

Everyone laughed at my outburst but the three of them drew their mock swords and thrust them together. "All for one and one for all." They chanted. I could tell they had totally been practicing that too.

I actually had a good time during dinner and did a pretty good job of not looking at Sirius (despite his pants). I also took pictures of everyone so mum will be pleased. And, through some miracle, I didn't get any food on Chris' dress.

But then Dumbledoor lead Professor McGonagall out onto the dance floor and the floor was open. The music, live from some group no one had ever heard off, was diverse: anything from The Charleston to (much to my disgust) disco.

I danced with Chris, Kevin, Chris and Kevin at the same time (it worked sort of like an American football huddle), Remus, Peter, James and finally Lily in rapid succession but then I had to sit down because I was completely out of breath.

I went to get some punch, took a sip, realized it was spiked (I would bet if it wasn't someone I know who did it, it was another someone I know) and was about to put it down when I caught Sirius dancing with Judy Richardson out of the corner of my eye. I drank the rest and another three besides in rapid succession.

Now it really wasn't as bad as you think because I'm actually like 1/64th Irish and the only thing I apparently inherited from that part of my family is my high tolerance for liquor.

But still, by my fifth cup of punch, the cup Sirius chose to ask me to dance him on, I was feeling a little lightheaded. I considered saying no but after dancing with the whole rest of the group it would make it pretty clear who, exactly, I was stressing over.

We'd danced together before, but not like this. It was a slow waltz so we were in a couple and we were touching. But it was so nice just to be so close to him and I could smell that nice smell coming off of him, like hot, fresh laundry.

My whole body was urging me to pull him closer but my mind remained firm. He had said my crush was pathetic and I was furious with him for that. I mean sure, it was his choice if he liked me back, but he didn't have to call it pathetic!

Over his shoulder I watched Rosie dance with a very handsome Ravenclaw seventh year who was her date. They were dressed as Romeo and Juliet but neither of them had bothered to fake bloody daggers sprouting from their chests, a deplorable mistake in my humble opinion. Very imaginative, I thought snippily, but mostly I was just being mean because her costume was very pretty and she was (of course) looking stunning.

"So are you going to tell me why you called me a smarmy bastard?" He asked.

I looked up at him briefly but I couldn't hold his gaze. I felt like I was going to burst into tears again if I looked at him. I wonder if I'm on my period, I'm feeling pretty emotional. "No." I said simply.

"Why not?" He pressed.

I wanted to run but the thick crush of people around us made it unlikely that I could get away. Unless of course I pissed him off enough. "Why do you think you stupid git?" I snarled.

"If I knew, I wouldn't ask." He pointed out. The blasé tone of his voice really ticked me off.

"You going to tell me why you said you were my friend when you didn't mean it?" I retorted. Sure it was lame but it was the best I had.

He looked hurt. "I did mean it though." He protested.

For some reason, when he said that, all the fight went right out of me. My anger, my last defense, had been breached and only a deep weariness remained. "You know the least you can do is say it to my face, you bloody coward." I said quietly.

"Say what?" He asked, the pitch of his voice rising in confusion.

I couldn't take it anymore. I dropped his hands and tried to think of something fittingly cutting but nothing came and "you know what" was just too cliché so I just glared and waded quickly through the dancers back to the table. "I'm going to the bathroom, be right back." I told Lily, grabbed you and ran.

So here I am in this little couch in the bathroom in the most fabulous dress I'll probably ever get to wear and I am so mad. And a little more drunk then I thought. The room just won't stop spinning and I'm feeling a little nauseous.

And here's the cheery on the cake: Lily just came in. Gotta go!

November

1, November, well past my bedtime, Dormitory,

Well, my grandmother is a mean, embittered old hag and I hate her but to use her favorite term Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Last night was so...well you'll see! But I'm ahead of myself, to avoid confusions I should start where I left off.

"What did you say?" Lily asked, coming to sit next to me on the little couch. "Sirius looks about as happy as you do. Are you all right?"

I nodded, but I also burst into tears so I'm pretty sure she didn't believe me.

She patted me awkwardly (Lily hates it when people cry around her). "Can you tell Chris and Kevin I'm sorry, I think I'm just going to go curl up upstairs and be miserable." I sniffled between big, gasping sobs.  
She looked offended. "So you're just going to run then?"

I sniffed. "What else is there to do?"

"Well go back up there and put your sneaker right up his stupid ass for one." She said, as if this were the most obvious thing to think of. "You can't let Sirius Black get you like this! Now get back out there solider and show him how much he doesn't matter!"

I guess that was her stab at motivation and I really do appreciate her brand of friendship most of the time but right then, I just wanted to curl up and never be disturbed again. My rib cage felt suddenly about two sizes too small, my mouth had the worst taste in it, the bathroom was rocking and whirling most unpleasantly and worst of all I felt like I was about to throw up.

In fact, I was about to throw up. I lunged for the nearest stall and vomited copiously into the toilet. Lily came in after me to pull my hair away from my face, which was really considerate. I felt better after that, especially when I realized as I rinsed my mouth at the sink that for the second time that night my dress had eluded dinner.

I wonder if Chris has put some sort of mess repelling charm on it.

"How much of that punch did you drink?" Lily asked.

I shrugged. "Enough."

"So?" She pressed. "What are you going to do?"

"I am going to go back up stairs and brush my teeth." I said.

"But what about Sirius?" She asked pointedly.

"I am going to deal with it Monday." I said. "Maybe I'll have figured out what to do by then."

She bothered me all the way up the tower and while I brushed my teeth and I mostly ignored her but when I tried to get out of my dress I ran into a problem: I couldn't reach the fastenings on the back and Lily didn't look as if she was going to help me with them.

"Come back down. Even if you're just going to ignore him, come down." She wheedled. "Didn't you ever hear that you're supposed to get back up on the horse that kicked you immediately or you'll never ride again? I don't want to have to put up with you if you're just going to be a wreck your whole life when it comes to men."

"Lily." I sighed. "Rosie told Sirius that I fancy him and he told her it was pathetic. I can't go back out there and face him after that, it's to embarrassing."

"Did it ever occur to you she might be lying?" Lily asked, her hand cocked on her hip.

"She wasn't." I said simply. "I just know she wasn't."

"Fine. Sirius knows and he thinks it's pathetic. So what?" She looked like she wanted to shake me very hard for being so thick headed. "There is nothing you can do about that. What you can fix is how you're acting! Don't let this ruin your night!"

Don't let it ruin my night? Was she mad? Apparently she didn't remember her complete break down over the whole James thing. Bloody friends and their bloody revisionist histories! "Fine! If I march downstairs and embarrass myself completely in front of Sirius will you be happy then?" I exploded.

"It doesn't really matter to me if you and Sirius get together as long as you're happy about it. But you're a big bloody problem when you're upset so either forget how handsome he is or kill him and dump his body in the lake." She snapped.

I laughed. "All right I'll go back down." I agreed. "And I'll try to be less mopy and depressing. I can't promise that I'm going to solve the Sirius problem but I'll try not to be so annoying about it."

She rolled her eyes. "That's good enough for now."

"Where were you two?" James asked when we got back to the Great Hall.

"In the steaming lesbian orgy taking place in the girls dormitory right now." Lily said blandly. At that moment I was so grateful that Lily Evans is my best friend. As she had intended, the joke smothered any curiosity the rest of the party might have had.

Or so I thought. But a few moments later James had casually sidled close enough to whisper, "are you going to tell me what you did to Sirius," in my ear.

"I didn't do anything to him." I whispered back in my most steely, don't-push-it, voice.

But James, at least as long as I've known him, has never known how to take a hint. "Yeah," James snorted, "unless you count breaking his poor little heart."

"Bre..." I started to shout but then remembered we were whispering. "Break his heart?" I said lower. "I don't have the equipment necessary to break his heart. He doesn't even really like me!" I tried (and failed miserably) to keep my voice from sounding too bitter about this. "The smarmy git told my cousin I was pathetic!"

James let out a long sigh. It was the sigh of someone who has just realized that they have to tell you that you've just run through hell and back again for nothing at all. "If I were you I'd ask him about that."

"Would you?" I asked as sarcastically as I could. "You a sado-masochist?"

"Just do it." James pleaded. "Trust me."

Well I'm not that trusting and I never would have approached Sirius about the whole thing if James and Lily hadn't been...well James and Lily. The planning (and you can be sure that planning did go into this) probably went a little something like this:

James: Hey wanna go make out on the gardens?

Lily: Sure...wait I've got a better idea, let's lure Sirius and Emily out there with the rest of the group and then all disappear really quickly so they're left in uncomfortable silence

James: Good idea

And that was pretty much how it went.

I'm not sure how they managed to disappear so quickly but it seemed like one moment they were around us and the next I was alone with Sirius on a bench. I fiddled with my skirt and looked around and cursed myself for trusting Lily and James.

I shivered a little. Kevin and Chris had made me a little wrap in case I wanted to go out but it was mostly just for show: a little SILK wrap that I'm not entirely sure wasn't augmenting the problem.

"Here." Sirius said gruffly, shrugging off his coat and handing it to me.

"No." I said. "I'm fine."

"Just take it." He insisted.

"NO." I said a little more harshly then was needed.

"All right." He said putting it back on.

I immediately felt horrible in that way you do when, after an hour or heated argument, the other person suddenly just gives in. I wished I'd just taken the coat.

"Look..." I started. "Can we just be friends again?" I never was very good at staying mad and I was about ready to just forgive, forget and get on with it.

We had both been sitting hunched forward on the bleachers with our for arms resting on our knees and not looking at each other but at that point he straightened up and turned toward me. "Is that what you want?" He asked.

No, it wasn't what I wanted at all. I wanted to grab the front of his silly tunic thing and snog him as hard as I could. "Sure." I said.

"Goddamn it look at me Emily!" He suddenly exploded. I blinked, stunned by this outburst. "Stop fucking around with me! Stop playing these weird mind games!"  
That really pissed me off.

I jumped to my feet. "Don't you dare lecture me about mind games!" I raged. "One minute you're kissing me and then the next you're pretending it didn't happen! You say you like me better then my cousin but then you tell her I'm pathetic! Which is it Sirius! It can't be both!"

"I didn't mea..." He started, standing up too, but I cut him off.

"I've spent my whole life being judged by Rosie's standards and you go and give her leverage? How could you do that? You say you want to be friends but that is not a friendly thing to do you....you...you..." I spluttered. I couldn't think of a name mean or cutting enough.

And what pissed me off even more was that he was smirking! Smirking! I ask you! "You are so sexy when you're angry." Sirius said, which is the most annoying thing to say to an angry person, but then he covered my mouth with his and I sort of forgot about it.

I should have hit him or bit his tongue or kick him in the shins or something but kissing Sirius, or rather trying to stop kissing him, was like trying to wake up on a cold Monday morning. You just keep telling yourself it'll happen eventually until it's too bloody late. Now, admittedly, I've only had one boyfriend and he was a loser but I am sure that this kiss would have blown any experience I could have had right out of the water.

He bit at the sensitive flesh of my lower lip and I gasped, allowing him to slip his tongue into my mouth. We battled for control of the kiss, our sick little game to see who could drive the other more wild. My whole body shook as sensation shot down every nerve ending at once.

I kissed back; fighting for the kind of control over his body that he absolutely had over mine. I was too hot and too cold at the same time and my hands were mashed into his hair to keep the contact. His hands were around my waist, warm and confronting There was a steady pulsing at the juncture between my thighs.

It was the last two months of frustration releasing itself. My knees gave out but the strong arm around me kept me standing. It was so deep and so raw my lips were plump and tingling from the almost bruising intensity. I was slack in his arms, weak from holding my own.

Rapture with a capital R.

His lips moved from my mouth, kissing his way down to my neck where he nipped at the highly sensitive juncture of my neck and my shoulder. "Jesus fucking Chris Sirius." I gasped as he bit just the right spot. I could feel his lips against my neck arc into a smile. I imagined it was that devious little smile that was so uniquely him.

He pulled back suddenly. "I didn't mean it when I told Rosie you fancying me was pathetic." He said quickly, as if he had just remembered it. "I was really grateful that she'd told me, I just wanted her to leave so I could think. I never thought she'd go tell you."

"I don't care." I sighed, snuggling up against him. I didn't want to talk about it, I didn't even want to think about it. All I wanted was to be completely absorbed into his warm mass.

Standing on tiptoe, wanting to distract him from his train of thought, I dragged my teeth across his earlobe, trying to even the score. His whole body shuddered and his hands on my waist clenched in the soft, filmy fabric of my skirt.

He pulled back sharply. "Go out with me?" It wasn't really a question, more like a demand, especially not at that particular moment when I would have agreed to anything. I nodded vigorously and was rewarded by a soft, sweet, almost chaste kiss.

I pushed him back again. "You're not just trying to get into my pants are you?" I asked. Because there are probably easier ways to do it, I mentally added.

"Fuck Emily, you're a lot more romantic when you aren't talking." He told me but when he realized that I was deadly serious he nodded. "For once in my life my intentions are completely honorable." He chuckled at that idea.

He was so sweet and so earnest that my heart couldn't help but melt and trickle down into my feet like butter left out in the sun all day. It was the most singularly romantic thing anyone had ever said to me.

And with that out of the way, we went back to snogging each other senseless. I asked Lily later what second base was and she said it was above the waist. We definitely covered that but when I wanted to take it a little farther Sirius made us stop. It actually sort of funny, you know, such a role reversal.

He shook his head. "Don't do that Emily." He half scolded me. I was hurt but as if he could read my thoughts, he continued, "and don't think that I don't want you more then I've ever wanted a girl in my life but I saw you drink that spiked punch."

"I didn't drink that much." I protested but it was such a disarmingly sweet thing to say.

"Besides," he said leaning down to give me a soft, brief kiss, "you still don't quiet trust me."

"I trust you." I said but he was right. He had too much of a reputation. Sheer optimism, probably the last shred of it left in my entire body, had got me this far but it was stretched thin.

He gave me one more kiss. "Come on, let's go back to the dance."

Everything seemed to just glow after that. Back in the ball we danced until our feet hurt and then we sat and talked with our friends, who didn't even need to be told we were dating. We were like two little beads of mercury, once we got within a certain range we just attracted.

And when they finally made us leave at three AM we didn't go back to our houses like we were supposed to. Instead we wandered out onto the Pitch and up into the teacher's box, which James apparently has a key to, somehow.

We didn't last long however. None of us, least of all Lily whose dress was mostly silk, were dressed for any kind of cold so James, Sirius, Remus and Peter all left to bring up blankets. Maybe it was chivalry that made them do it, if that isn't dead, but I think it had more to do with keeping the rest of us in the dark as to where they came up with these things.

"Goddamn it's cold." Lily shivered as they dropped out of sight down the stairs to the Pitch.

"Fuck that." Chris said. "Tell us how Sirius kisses."

Kevin just rolled his eyes. I giggled like a little girl. "Oh god I don't even know." I ducked my head and blushed a little.

"That good?" Lily sounded revolted but grudgingly interested too.

"Better." I giggled a little more. Even the memory made me warm all over like the punch had.

"You look so sexy' he said, 'get that one' he said. That is the last fucking time I listen to James Potter. Fucking silk. Fucking southern bells and their fucking fashion sense." Lily was mumbling, blowing into her cupped hands and shivering pretty hard.

Kevin shrugged off his jacket. "Here put this on, you're going to catch hypothermia." He said.

"Thanks Kev." She said putting it on. "I am going to kick James Potter's ass when he gets back up here. If I'm a fucking icicle by that time."

Well, Lily didn't kick James' ass when he got back. We were all too grateful for the blankets and thermos of hot coco they'd brought up from the kitchens. It was actually fun to be so high above the ground in the dark. Almost as much fun as it was to be so close to Sirius and not have to worry about what this meant or how I was going to rationalize this later.

"What made you ask me out?" I asked him in semi-privacy of the crowd.

"I've actually been wanting to for a while." He admitted.

"Really?" I was a little stunned.

"Since that day on the train." He said.

"What stopped you?" I asked.

"Different things. I didn't want a girlfriend this year was the first thing. But sometimes you didn't seem interested or you seemed interested in other people. The biggest thing was that you said you just wanted to be friends. I don't gamble with friendship." He explained.

"I'm a liar." I sighed contentedly.

"You're a convincing actress." He murmured sleepily.

I realized at that moment I'd been wrong about Sirius. He may have been guilty of a lot of things but cowardice would never be one of them. He just trusted me more then he should have, that was all. And that was understandable too. I am one hell of a good liar if I do say so myself.

I fell asleep sometime during the night for about an hour but Sirius woke me up to see the sunrise. It was a nice moment, all of us in costume, so far past tired that it hardly mattered in the cold pink light of the rising sun. I felt like I was actually going to make it through this year, like things were maybe going my way.

It's strange to think that it was just two months ago I was tripping all over myself in my kitchen because of him. And now I here I am and we're a couple.

Funny how things work out.

AN: Well...that's the end of one era of the story. In other news more strife and drama is yet to come (as it always does) and I've decided to tell you more about it. Anyway please review because I love it.


	12. Relationships and Realities

DISCLAIMER: Anything you recognize I don't own

2, November, 10:25, Potions,

I woke up feeling great before I even knew why. I guess it's new car smell or the honeymoon period or whatever but I finally understand what that song "Oh what a Beautiful Morning" is about.

3, November, 8: 31, Dormitory,

Having a boyfriend is strange. Very strange indeed.

Things Boyfriend's Cause:

1) He suddenly feels entitled to listen to your records when you are not around

But I've properly cured him of this notion.

2) Your best friends loose their minds

Chris F can't stop babbling about how cute we are. James is mostly avoiding us when we're together, he says that it gets to his gag reflex when we kiss (goddamn hypocrite). And Lily...Lily just rolled her eyes and said "finally." But then she hunted down Sirius and warned him that if he ever broke my heart she'd do things so horrible to him that if she even told him about them something he would miss very dearly would shrivel up and fall off.

3) The number of your peers who hate you rises significantly.

This is maybe only true when your boyfriend is more poplar then you are. I mean it isn't like when the Prom Queen hooks up with the Prom King, because everyone sort of enviously hates her already and by then it's just icing on the cake. But if you're like me and you start dating the King all the girls who are prettier, smarter and more popular feel like you've stolen something from them. Which, come to think of it, maybe you have.

4) Not a lot between our group dynamic.

My first reaction when open partnering is announced is to look for Lily and his is still to look for James but I think I prefer it that way. Sirius is my boyfriend and just looking at him makes me want to drag him into a closet and snog him senseless but I've known Lily since first year and she'll always be my best friend. Is that wierd? I wonder.

5) Your stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid cousin owls your mum to tell her that said boyfriend doesn't live with his parents, is a year older then you and practically a juvenile delinquent

Letter from mum:

Dear Emily,

I've heard from someone, who will remain anonymous, that you have a boyfriend and that he is not the quality your father and I would expect. Now I know you are old enough to make your own choices about these things but please keep in mind that people are not always what you want them to be.

The world is full of people just waiting to prey on sweet, young girls like yourself and so you must be careful about who you trust. And I can safely say that if this young man is nowhere near trustworthy. I know you feel ready to make these choices but the truth is you don't have enough experince. You have a whole life of oppertunities ahead of you. You don't want to jeopardize that do you?

Love,

Mum

If my mother was half as clever and sneaky as she apparently thinks she could cat burglarize the crown jewels and sell them back to the royal family. Who does she think I'll think this "reliable source" is if not Rosie? I mean the only other people at Hogwarts she knows are Lily and the Chrises and she doesn't consider any of them "reliable."

I mailed the camera back without a note.

4, November, 4: 57, Library,

Professor McGonagall has separated Sirius and me. She said (very loudly and in front of the whole class) that if we couldn't stop talking in her lecture maybe we should spend more time together after class...in detention. I can't really tell but think she was trying to be funny.

And then Sirius, my sweet, beloved boyfriend, opened his big, fat trap and went, "good idea Professor. You know I've been trying to talk Emily into spending more time with me in broom cupboards and the like." I blushed really red but that was okay because I had the foresight to bury my face in my hands.

McGonagall then gave us a whole week's worth of detention in the hospital and made me move to the other side of the classroom.

She made ME move! Of the two of us I am hardly the problem! I mean do I go about whispering very good impressions of her into HIS ear right in the middle of lectures? Do I pass HIM funny drawing of Severus Snape's head imploding? Did I talk back when we got detention? I THINK NOT!

Life is so unfair.

5, November, 12:41, Great Hall,

I was angry at Sirius for getting me into detention. I'm not anymore. Detention with Sirius turned out to be little more then snogging in the cleaning supply closet, which wasn't exactly romantic but still head-spinning. That could have been the cleaning chemicals though.

"Meet me in the common room at midnight Friday night." I said when, after being discovered by the nurse, we were forced to actually start folding the sheets. "It's a blue moon."

He shook his head. "I can't make it."

I stopped folding and gave him a strange look. "You've got some prior appointment at midnight?" I asked skeptically.

He nodded quickly and didn't look up from what he was doing. He was so obviously keeping something from me. "What is it?" I asked, cocking my head sideways at him.

He thought about that for a second. "Think of it like a guys poker night." He said finally.

I can't always tell when Sirius is lying but I knew then with certainty that he was keeping something from me. "What is it?" I repeated a little more forcefully.

"Nothing you need to think about." He gave me this funny little look like I was being irrational. He was still lying but I decided to let it go. Everyone's entitled to their secrets right?

Secrets I Keep from Sirius:

1) Chris S and her crush on me (why get into it?)

2) Rosie's crush on him (she'd probably kill me and I know she could get away with it)

3) How my parents prefer Rosie to me (again, why get into it?)

4) How my parents feel about him

5) My psychotic ex-boyfriend, Ryan

6) The fact that Ryan was my only previous boyfriend

7) My sick love Paul McCartney

8) That I'm in love with him (I know we're going out but I know plenty of people who are dating but aren't in love)

9) How weird my family is

Oh god. I'm quiet boring and if these are my trite little secrets what could Sirius possibly be hiding from me? Bodies? Other girlfriends? A wife? Drug smuggling? A cult? God only knows what that boy does in his spare time.

6, November, 12:12, Great Hall,

Relationship with hunky boyfriend has hit another major snag: I cannot stand the idea of not knowing where he will be Friday night. I know it's wrong and paranoid and mostly unfounded but I never could stand not knowing something. Errrr! This is killing me!

Why can't our relationship be as perfect as I always imagined it might? I bet Paul McCartney's girlfriends never have this sort of problem! I bet they spend all their time being serenade by Paul on a moonlit beach or something equally wonderful.

On the other hand Kay from the Godfather never trusted Michael and he was her husband and really sexy, even in suspenders. But then again Michael was the head of a major New York crime family and in the second movie she does abort their unborn son and leave him. I don't think Sirius is the head of any crime family though (he isn't even Italian for christsakes) and even if I wanted to I couldn't abort his unborn son.

I am however beginning to see the wisdom in Lily's fear of commitment.

7, November, 9:21, History of Magic,

Note to Lily:

Me: Blue moon tonight you wanna go up to the astronomy tower and see it?

Lily: Sure. Can I ask James too?

Me: Of course, tell him that Remus and Peter are invited as well

Lily: But not Sirius?

Me: He has to do something. Something he won't tell me about.

Lily: Weird. I'll ask James.

And that was it! My boyfriend is mysteriously busy in the middle of the night doing god only knows what and that's all she has to say? It's moments like these when I wish I had a more normal best friend.

7, November, 12: 37, Great Hall,

Lily sat down next to me as lunch began and as if it's nothing went, "James says none of them can make it. Did you invite Chris and Kevin?" She said it like it was nothing.

"What?" I said.

"James says none of them can make it. Did you..." She started but stopped as she realized I was staring at her. "What?" She asked.

"And what did James say they were doing?" I asked.

She shrugged. "I didn't ask." She said.

Sometimes I want to throttle Lily. That was one of those times. "And why not?" I asked.

She shrugged again. "I wasn't really interested." She explained. "They're probably doing some stupid teenage boy thing with Sirius that they consider a big secret. Why stress his little brain cells by making him think up an excuse."

How does Lily come up with these insights into teenage boyhood? Was she one in a past life? Did she stumble upon that ultra-secret book that they all got when we were watching those videos about our periods in the sixth grade? And if so, why hasn't she shared this with me?

"Aren't you curious?" I whined.

She rolled her eyes. "Not really, it's probably really dumb."

I tried some more but Lily will not be moved. No matter what I did or how low I sunk she just kept brushing it off. Finally she said, "look if it means so much to you we can go try to follow them or something." And I had to stop or admit I cared.

So it looks like it'll just be Lily, Chris and me (Kevin can't risk getting caught with three Gryffindors, and we probably will get caught without Sirius or James). It's funny but just the three of us… it doesn't seem like enough now that we've adopted the boys (or have they adopted us?).

Fuck but I want to know where he's going to be!

8, November, 1:12, Library,

Sirius and James are both looking tired but very, very pleased with themselves. I want to know what they've been up to so bad I could scream. Peter and Remus are supposedly still in the dormitory sleeping. On the bright side we didn't get caught last night. A third year Astronomy class met up there and because it was dark we were able to duck down and just pretend we were with them.

I was back in the potions section, looking for a book to reference in my paper when he found me. Well, actually he snuck up behind me and then said really loudly, "hi Ems!"

But he got what he deserved because when I jumped and screamed I also (on accident I'm sorry to say) elbowed him pretty hard in the stomach. "You okay?" I asked but not too sympathetically, after all this was pretty obviously instant karma.

"No." He pouted.

"Well that's what you get for scaring me." I reprimanded him as sternly as I could without bursting into laughter at his cute little pout.

His lips twitched as he fought to keep a smile from spoiling his pathetic routine but he couldn't do it. "Come here." He ordered opening his arms so I could snuggle up in them. "How was the blue moon?"

I shrugged. "Sort of a let down actually." I said. "It didn't look any bluer then any other moon."

For some reason he thought that was really funny. "Emily do you actually know what a blue moon is?" He asked when he'd stopped laughing.

I shrugged. "Isn't it just when the moon is blue?" But instantly I knew I'd said one of those stupid things you say because it's just logical and your friends never let you live it down.

Another peal of laughter from my boyfriend. "A blue moon is when a month has two full moons in it." He explained.

I blushed. "Oh."

Well how was I supposed to know that? I'd always fallen asleep in astronomy class! "Well," he said jovially but still with a little mocking laugh in his voice, "that does explain why you were so eager to see it!"

"Oh bugger off!" I said giving him a playful shove.

Note to self: find someway to blackmail Sirius into not telling anyone what I thought a blue moon was.

9, November, 12:21, Great Hall,

Remus is still looking a little peaky. Sometimes I honestly don't know why Remus puts up with the other three. I mean he's at least five times more mature then all of them put together.

"You really should get more sleep Remus." I said as casually as I could. "You look tired."

He smiled. "Oh well, you know how it is. School work and all."

Liar, liar, liar! But what can I possibly do? I can't tell Lily, Chris is sick of hearing about it (and doesn't really care because he knew exactly where his boyfriend was) and I can't bring myself to tell Sirius. I don't know why I just can't.

All right that's a lie. I know exactly why I will never ask Sirius where he was. It's like this. Our relationship is based on exactly three things that I can see:

1. A common interest in loud obscure music and the love lives of our best friends

2. Sexual attraction (and in my case something more deadly)

3. The ability to make each other laugh until we're hysterical

You see what I mean? It's like friendship with tongue! I can't be the one to try to move our relationship into deeper water! I'm not sure why this is but I know it is like I know that my parents wish I were more like Rosie: no one ever told me I just know.

Oh I'm not making sense anymore.

10, November, 9: 32, History of Magic,

Oh my god, my life is over! I am going to kill my best friends and then myself! My mother knows what my boyfriend looks like…with his TOUNGE IN MY MOUTH! What would possess one of my friends to take a picture of the two of us making out I have no idea. I mean sure we're just in the background and they could have been meaning to take the picture of Lily and James putting bunny ears on each other but still! Why would they do that!

Dear Emily,

I really must insist that you reconsider your relationship with this young man. From what my source has told me about him he is certainly not the caliber you deserve, you really are a beautiful girl and you could do so much better. I expect to hear in your next letter to me that you've ended this silly little escapade.

Love,

Mom

Right. Like I'm going to take love advice from the woman who married dad. That is so rich! Besides, what makes her think she can practically order me around in my love life! I mean honestly mom just because you gave yourself over to chastity once you found out what a big pain in the ass kids can be doesn't mean the rest of us should!

Return letter draft:

Dear mom,

Kindly go fuck yourself.

Love,

Emily

10, November, 12: 31, Great Hall,

No seriously, I've got to write a return letter.

Dear mom,

I am not going to dump Sirius so just give it up. And you can stop trying to conceal Rosie's identity, she couldn't be more obvious. I am sorry you had to see that picture but you should have thought about dealing with my sexuality before you and dad got into each other's pants. Besides, judging by the number of anti-pregnancy charm you sent me, I thought you'd already accepted this as a reality, not a possibility.

Emily

PS Sirius is a nice guy, Rosie just hates me

Well if I do send that it will be the most concentrated honesty my parents have had from me in years.

10, November, 2:45, Charms,

Have decided not to send that but haven't written another draft. Lily asked if I'm on my period because apparently I have that scrunched look I get when I'm in pain.

But this is the problem: I want to get my way but not provoke anything Shakespearean and in my family that's a fine line to walk. I mean of all the families to be born into I had to pick this one. In review: my perfect cousin is plotting my social murder, my mother and father suspect me of lesbianism or dangerous sexual exploits (or both) and the rest just heave big disappointed sighs whenever I walk by.

10, November, 9:12, Owlry,

I sent this out in the afternoon mail:

If I let you decide things like that what would be left for me to do? Sirius is a nice guy.

Maybe this is the straw that will break our relationship's back, I don't know, I hope not but I get the feeling it might be. Didn't go to dinner, didn't feel hungry, I think I'll take some aspirin when I get to the dormitory and tell the girls I'm feeling off.

11, November, 9: 39, Dormitory,

Nothing came in the mail today so I'm in hellish limbo. In other news, huge project in Arithmancy. Thank god James took pity on my soul and let me be his partner otherwise I would have just handed in my textbook and surrendered myself to being held back a year. Of course every silver cloud has a gray lining I cannot help wondering what James meant by the very ominous comment that he wouldn't do the whole project himself.

Sirius has noticed my strange behavior. "Are you and Lily fighting?" He asked today as we finished our homework in the common room. I looked up, surprised at the abruptness of his question.

"No." I said. "Why do you ask?"

"You're just really..." He seemed to search for a word. "Off," he said finally.

I shrugged and lied. "I'm fine." I said.

"You sure?" He pressed.

"Positive." I said but I looked down quickly because tears were pricking my eyes. Maybe I am starting my period. I hope so; I'd hate to think I'm naturally this weepy.

12, November, 9:31, Dormitory

James is being so annoyingly right. I keep telling him I don't know how to do our project and he keeps telling me there's no better time to learn. Smarmy git. What if I don't want to learn? What if I can't learn? What if this is all a stupid goddamn waste of time?

13, November, 8:13, Great Hall,

Why haven't my parents written me back yet? This is not a good sign! Can they make me stop seeing Sirius? How would I explain that to him? How lame would that be? Oh god I wish I could just burn that bridge when I got to it but I keep worrying. I'm going to give myself an ulcer I swear.

AN: I'm sorry it took so long to post but you'll be pleased to know that I'm still alive and as brilliant and witty as ever. In other news, please review! Fanfiction is not a spectator sport people! Get involved, get dirty, get typing!


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